Poll: Polite vs Honesty

[krazykidd]

So they say honesty is the best policy , but im everyday life people are ( usually) more polite than honest, keeping back what they truly think , in fear of upseting the person to whom we are speaking. They also say all truth is not good to tell , but is that really true?

I came up with this thread idea because when i look at me and my sister we are complet opposites when it comes to this . I am more polite, i don't usually ever say whats on my mind when someone asks me a question to not upset them. My sister on the other hand is completly honest , if you ask her a question she will say what is on her mind regardless of it will upset the other person or no . If she doesn't like you she would tell you to your face, as for me i tend to politly smile and pretend to be interested in what the person would say to me . as a result , i have a bunch of people that talk to me that i perfer wouldn't and that annoy me , as for her, the people around her are only people that she likes. She doesn't take shit from anyone and will tell them off where as i would probably fold and let people walk over me .

I am 22 and she is 20 and i envy her for her ( brutal ? ) honesty.

Now i think that if everyone was just honest , there is alot of bullshit that could be avoided ( but that would also arguebly require everyone to be less sensitive) and is probably unrealistic.


So what do you think ? Is it better to be Polite ? or to be honest ? and which are you most of time? Honest or Polite?

Also is there a middle-ground between the two and is that what is preferable?


Your Turn

 

[Jordi]

It depends a little on the situation. As a rule I will say that you should be honest. But sometimes not hurting someone's feelings is just not worth it.

I hate how sensitive people are though. I very much wish that honesty was the way to go in a full 100% of the cases. But people get offended so them easily. Even when things are undeniably true (i.e. not just your opinion that those pants make their ass look fat). If you want to get far in life, honesty will probably not always be the best way to achieve that, and that is really unfortunate.

 

[Atmos Duality]

I'm a blunt man, but I understand the need to break things to people softly.
To retain any form of rational thinking if nothing else.

 

[twcblaze]

I tend to be more in the middle ground, I'll be brutally honest if I don't care what someone thinks of me and I'm tired of dealing with them, or if I think they can take it and deal with it.

On the other hand, if I'm dealing with someone I prefer to stay on good terms with, I'll at least try to find a way to say what I need to say without sounding like a jerk first.

 

[OldKingClancy]

I'm middle ground. I'll politely lie to someone then be brutally honest to someone else.

 

[LostAlone]

The truth is a delicate thing, but in my experience given just a tiny little pitch and spin, you can constantly and mercilessly tell the truth regardless of how cruel and not have anyone even really notice. If you do it just right, people hear what they want to hear anyway, and this means that you always get to revel in the sweet zone of 'I told you so' after the fact.

 

[Craorach]

I used to be incredibly brutally honest in every situation, for good and ill. I was quite idealistic in fact.. I believed, and still do to an extent, that ANY form of deception is fundamentally wrong, and that people should be encouraged to accept truth and honesty without an emotional reaction.

My opinion's on "little white lies" have softened slightly over the years, but I still feel that people should be basically honest with one another, and that people should be trusted and the truth of their words assumed unless they demonstrate otherwise.

 

[StBishop]

Be honest, but polite about it. For example, if I don't like someone I don't blurt out "I don't like you." when they are talking to me. But if they do something annoying I let them know.

eg. Guy who I don't like sits down at a table where I, and a mutual friend are having lunch (I say nothing), he makes a racist remark (what he might consider a joke), I say "Dude, not cool, prejudice is ugly in any form even attempted humour. If you're going to talk like that I'll have to ask you to leave.".

I was polite and honest. Done.

 

[trooper6]

This is a false binary.

A. You can be honest in a polite way.
B. You can be honest in an rude way.
C. You can be polite in an honest way.
D. You can be polite in a dishonest way.

Example: Someone who is annoying and terrible want to talk to you.
A. "I'm sorry but we aren't compatible on these three fundamental aspects. I'm afraid it isn't healthy for us to spend time together anymore."
B. "You are annoying as hell, and you are ugly. I hate you. If I see you again, I'm going to punch you in the face. What? I'm just being honest!"
C. "I'm afraid I can't talk to you right now."
D. "Of course I'd love to listen to you talk about X."

Example: Someone is wearing a really ugly shirt and asks you, "What do you think about that shirt."
A. "I don't think that shirt suits you. You'd look better with stripes."
B. "That shirt if fugly. Ugliest shirt I've ever seen. You have terrible taste."
C. "That shirt is not to my taste."
D. "That shirt looks great on you."

Honesty and Politeness are both important to me. In any given situation one may take more priority over the other. So I tend to go between option A and option C most of the time.

If you tend to option D, you need to recognize is that Option D does not actually help the person you are talking to in the long run. Those people who you find annoying? They deserve better than to think they are friends with someone who actually finds them annoying. There are people out there who won't find them annoying and who'll actually care about them. Instead of wasting time with you, they should find those people. The person in the shirt that is really unflattering? It is better you tell them rather than have them run around being laughed at.

So, dishonesty I don't this is a good policy. I also don't thing being rude is a good policy.

You can find ways to be both honest and polite.

 

[Avaholic03]

I've been slowly sliding towards "honest" (I prefer the term "blunt") over the years. I get so tired of sparing people's feelings. If you can't take the honesty, then I don't care if I offend. But what pisses me off more is when people try to sugar-coat things to me. I can take the truth.

 

[The Virgo]

I hate being polite, but I don't have the heart to be honest with people most of the time because I'm not very nice about it.

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

 

[SckizoBoy]

It depends a little on the situation. As a rule I will say that you should be honest. But sometimes not hurting someone's feelings is just not worth it.

I hate how sensitive people are though. I very much wish that honesty was the way to go in a full 100% of the cases. But people get offended so them easily. Even when things are undeniably true (i.e. not just your opinion that those pants make their ass look fat). If you want to get far in life, honesty will probably not always be the best way to achieve that, and that is really unfortunate.

Beaten to it on the first post. It is dependent on context. I can't remember who said it, but 'politeness is for strangers, bluntness is for friends'.

Though 'sensitive' people is a relative term. Different nationalities have different sensibilities as far as casual conversation is concerned. Even in the UK, a typical northerner is quite thick-skinned compared to those from the south.

 

[StBishop]

I hate being polite, but I don't have the heart to be honest with people most of the time because I'm not very nice about it.

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

I sort of hate you. Nothing personal, it's more of a "you just presumed to know about me and my personality because my parents had sex on new years eve." which I find annoying, inane, and offensive.

 

[The Virgo]

I hate being polite, but I don't have the heart to be honest with people most of the time because I'm not very nice about it.

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

I sort of hate you. Nothing personal, it's more of a "you just presumed to know about me and my personality because my parents had sex on new years eve." which I find annoying, inane, and offensive.

Wait, what? I wasn't talking to you.

However, because you are a fellow Virgo, I forgive you.

 

[Sunrider]

When it comes to this forum, both. I always try to be as polite as possible, because I really like it here. I don't want to be a dick in a place I really like.

In other places, I tend to be very, VERY blunt. I hate how easily offended people are, and how they think that disagreeing to their opinions is somehow a hostile action against them.
"You hurt my precious feelings" <-- No I did not. YOU hurt them by taking everything personally. Stop being a baby about it.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

... You believe in that?


Usually I'm honest and try not to be rude. Sometimes though I can't be bothered with the hassle of explaining or arguing so I'll just lie.

 

[The Virgo]

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

... You believe in that?

Why not? It's my life, my beliefs.

 

[Richardplex]

Honest, but when I know I'm about to be brutal about it, I'll smother my words with politeness. Though saying "with all due respect" has lost a lot of it's meaning when Ashley Williams says in my head "meaning kiss my ass" every time I say it. Lying will always bite me in the arse if I do it, and I haven't been in a scenario where it would benefit me. I'm also cool with offending people, I'm not a people person so I don't care what people think of me.

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

Being honest and being blunt are two different things. There are ways you can say something honest without being rude about it.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I will be honest with Virgos, though, because they at least listen to what I have to say and honestly consider the pros and cons of what my suggestion was.

... You believe in that?

Why not? It's my life, my beliefs.

True.

But as stBishop said, I can't fathom how that makes sense and find it slightly annoying that it means you'll judge me for the day of the year I was born on.