Poll: Questions about dating a Muslim

[Sharkeyes]

Ok, I got a question. This girl and I have been friends for a really long time and I think we're both crushing on each other, so I'm planning to ask her out. The only real catch is that she's Indian and a Muslim, I'm not, and I've never really had any contact with Muslims because there's not many where I live (I have made sure she's Muslim, not Hindu). Are there anything specifics I need to know about dating one? I really don't wannna make a bad impression early on, especially to her family, by doing something they'd think was disprespectful. I know to stear clear of politics and a lot of current events near her family (even though me and her talk politics all the time, the different perspective is part of why I like her) but I don't know about basics like customs and courtesies. Any help from my fellow Escapists is highly appreciated, especially if you've had experience with this sort of stuff.

very respectfully,
sharkeyes

 

[Keoul]

I don't know much except
-They do not eat pigs meat at all
-All other meat they consume must be halal (the animal is killed in a certain way)

That's about all I know, good luck to you though.

 

[JoJo]

It might be worth mentioning that traditionally according to Islamic Law a Muslim woman is forbidden from marrying a non-Muslim man unless he converts prior to marriage. If your friend's family are fairly traditional they may want her to only date Muslims because of this, it's impossible to say without knowing them.

 

[idodo35]

well that depands how extreme or religious her familly is... if you were frieds for a long time you should know if theres something major...

 

[Girl With One Eye]

Everyone is different, she may be really religious and she may not be. Most Muslims do not eat pork and do not drink/smoke or do drugs. She may also not wish to have sex before marriage, and may be more conservative about things like holding hands in public.

Honestly the easiest thing to do is just talk to her about it, its easier than accidently upsetting her.

 

[Bertylicious]

I don't think so. I know they don't like it when you go on about how great pork is. Also all the muslims I've known really love motor sport.

Other than that they're just like any other religious people.

 

[Queen Michael]

Taking them out for baconburgers won't be as appreciated as you think.

 

[Keoul]

I've heard certain different ways about exactly what Halaal is. Do you actually know how they're killed?

It's pretty goddamn brutal.
I don't approve of it myself and would never want to touch the stuff.

Spoiler: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC

Spoiler: I'm warning you man!

Spoiler: Bloody! continue at your own risk!

 

[lechat]

the very fact that you are friends with her and i assume spend time alone with her tells me she is not traditional muslim and therefore have a shot, she may even be closer to non practicing than traditional in which case it is nearly irrelevant what her religion is

i did once date a muslim girl and while i prefer not to go into too much detail about how it worked out (very bad for her) i can say that her parents will not exactly be thrilled
i would advise you not to talk about religion to her though. if she is serious about her religion it will leave her depressed and second guessing any relationship she has with you

 

[capper42]

I don't know much except
-They do not eat pigs meat at all
-All other meat they consume must be halal (the animal is killed in a certain way)

That's about all I know, good luck to you though.

I've heard certain different ways about exactly what Halaal is. Do you actually know how they're killed?

OT: I'd say be very cautious of her family. Fuck knows how devoted her mother or father may be to their religion and traditional ways. Others above have said why this could be an issue.

I think they're killed in a way that drains the blood, and then are blessed by a priest or something. I'm sure Wikipedia will be more reliable than me.

 

[bluepilot]

It depends on how religious she is. I would expect that she does not have sex outside marriage and spending time alone together may be frowned on by her family. Heck, she may even have an arranged marriage in her future. Muslim is such a broad scope of ideals, it is hard to give advice without knowing how conservative/liberal she and her family is.

Other than that, no pork products (make sure to check the back of labels and things), meat must be halal (this means that the animal was killed by having its throat slit and all of the blood drained out, some more liberal muslims eat chicken though), also no fish without scales, she will most likely not drink alcohol, no amphibians permitted in the diet either.

Customs wise, I would not worry too much, all of the muslims I have met do not expect non-muslims to know anything.

There are lots of muslim customs in Arab countries about washing too, but these are hard to maintain in non-muslim countries so most muslims I know do not practice them. There is also the issue of eating only with the right hand but this is also not practiced by any of the muslims I know.

 

[gazumped]

Really depends on her as a person and how religious she and her family are. I have 'Muslim' friends who drink, smoke, have extramarital sex and even... *shock* *horror*... eat pork!!

Like people have said, if her family's really serious about culture and customs there's nothing you can do to make them like you except for converting to Islam, 'cause Muslims aren't supposed to date non-Muslims. And if they're not that serious about culture and customs, then they're probably liberal enough to let you get away with small faux pas.

One thing that can be kind of nice, though, is to know the Arabic greeting 'Salaam Alaykum' (several variations of spelling in our Latin alphabet), which means 'Peace be upon you'. I don't recommend saying it to people, that might seem a bit condescending, but if someone greets you with this then the appropriate response is to just flip the words over - 'Alaykum Salaam' ('Upon you be peace'). Just a small gesture of cultural awareness that tends to warm people to you.

 

[Lieju]

It's impossible to say, just based on that. Like with Christians, there are very different kinds of muslims, from nutters who will try to kill her if she so much as talks to men to extremely liberal people.

You'd probably wshould ask her directly, that's what I would do.

 

[Technocrat]

My fiancee's a Muslim, and I'm partake of bacon and alcohol less than she does. Indian Muslims are likely to be a lot less hard-line than, say, Saudi Muslims, but the Saudis tend to be secret hypocrites rather than just not caring about it.

 

[Legion]

Well for starters I wouldn't assume that her being a Muslim really means anything when it comes to her actual beliefs. A lot of people consider themselves to be a part of a religion as a family/culture thing as opposed to them having any real feelings over it.

Case in point would be almost all of my friends would put their religion as Christianity but none of them pray, go to church or do anything you'd generally associate with that religion.

Your best bet is to probably to treat her like you would any other girl you had a real interest in, and when you become more comfortable around each other (assuming she feels the same) politely ask her about her beliefs.

To be honest you are more likely to insult her by making any assumptions, it is far more respectful to ask her what she feels and believes.

 

[JokerCrowe]

She's INDIAN and a Muslim? Are you sure she isn't from Pakistan?
Personally I think you SHOULD talk to her about religion and politics. If you start dating they're going to come up eventually anyway, and it could also be a good way of determining just HOW religious she/her family is. It is entirely possible that she is very secularized, but her parents are very religious. You could always look Islam up in any book on religion/on Wikipedia, but in general I'll just give you some bullet points:

- They don't eat pork, like ever...

- They pray 3 times a day.(I think)

- They have a fast at the start of the Muslim New Year where they don't eat while the sun is up.

- They are usually Very faithful, so I'd be careful when talking about religion. I'm not telling you to avoid it the topic completely, just try to not say things along the lines of "Since there's no God..." just... just have tact.

Good luck! I hope it turns out for the best!