Poll: Thinking of Leaving My GF of Three Years

[clanknfrends]

if youre having questions about whether or not you should break up, its probably time then

 

[Random Encounter]

You've been dating for three years so it's only natural that you're beginning to doubt your current relationship. I would say to stay with her but if you continue to feel that your relationship isn't solid then maybe it's time to end it. (and go after the other girl if you're still interested).

 

[Jaime_Wolf]

So, here's the deal: I'm sick of my woman.

We've been dating for three years, nonstop. We go to college together and tend to always take classes with her. She's alright-looking, and she plays games and cosplays and such rather continuously and adequately. We tend to agree on many issues of morality, life, and love, though she's a bit interested in children and marriage, which concerns me. Our sex life is, to put it bluntly, great, even though I have long ago lost interest.

Things between us are by no means BAD. But they also aren't perfect. We bicker incessantly due to our shared trait of stubbornness, and she is overly harsh and judgmental of my activities (hardcore gaming, drinking) and she pouts whenever I take alone time or leave her to see my friends. She's also very critical of my father and sister, people who are flawed but not worthy of the heaps of derision poured upon them.

We also have many portions of our lives intertwined, e.g., we both share an hourly job and our families are quite fond of each other.

There's also a fly in the ointment. I'm falling for another woman as well. This new girl is three years younger than myself. (I'm 21, if it helps) and we are both very into each other. I've kept a bit of distance between me and this new girl, but I find it harder and harder to avoid. This new woman appears to have the qualities I like that my current girlfriend lacks: intellectual curiosity, passion, and a challenging mindset. She's the excitement and challenge my relationship lacks. Also, my current gf is a 6 and the new one is easily an 8.

TLDR: Excitement and Challenge, or Comfort and Security? Help me Escapists, you're my only hope.

I'm torn. On the one hand, it sounds like you're already pretty much done with this relationship and like the other girl at least presents some potential. On the other hand, this post makes you seem like a tremendous douche and I'm sort of loath to suggest that you burden any woman with your presence.

 

[crudus]

Ok, as much as I disagree that you are asking the internet for relationship advice (much less The Escapist), here it goes:

Do whatever think will make you happy in the long run. You are mulling over a decision that will effect the rest of your life. There really isn't room in this to be short-sighted. If you pursue this new girl (preferably after breaking it off with your current girl), how do you know you won't be in the same place three years from now? What do you do if you realize you made a mistake? This isn't something you can just say "sorry about that. Do over?". Now if you would please excuse the crassness of the analogy, but you sound like some toddler tired of a toy. People experience this all the time. Try doing something different with your current girl. Go on vacation, go on a romantic date, go to a party, buy weird porn(ok I'm running out of ideas now), etc. Do something. There is a reason you have stayed with this girl for three years. Don't just throw it away so hastily.

Still fun, just rotuine. It's not exactly simple. XD We've done it over 300 times in 3 years. Tell me when that gets old for ya. :O

It's called the Kama Sutra.

 

[Darkeagle6]

The very fact that you open your post with the words "I'm sick of my woman" makes it sound like you don't want to be with her at all anymore. In which case you're making yourself unhappy by staying with her.

So tell her! Tell her you're not feeling this anymore, that your relationship has fallen from what it once was, that you're losing interest... Have a talk, tell her all these things you've said in your post, see how she feels if you don't already know, see if this talk makes you think any different.

When we don't fee satisfied with our life, things that lay outside its borders can seem immensely appealing, especially when they represent what we want that we don't have. This other girl may seem especially interesting *because* you're not feeling happy with the way things are (it's the whole "the grass is always greener" thing). Or maybe she really is much better for you, and meeting her has made you feel even more unhappy with your current relationship. But I suggest you try and not think of this girl for now and focus on your current relationship, and after you've made a decision about that, then you can turn your thoughts on what to do about her.

Only you can answer those questions, of course, but I maintain that the best way to resolve relationship problems is to at least attempt try and communicate with the other and discuss things. Maybe you just need to tell her that you don't feel in love with her anymore, or maybe you need to talk with her and see if either of you want to try and fix things up. But a relationship involves more than one person, so you need to try and address things together, even if that means just breaking up.

Of course, if communication is impossible, then just breaking things off might be the only option...

Just don't cheat.

 

[Mackie Stingray]

I would say don't go for the new girl, not on the basis of freedom, but because I don't see any reason you should anger the girl you're with now.
Really, you two should remain friends. Do you think that's remotely possible if you obviously dumped her for somebody else?
Take it slow.

 

[Avatar Roku]

OP, not gonna lie, I get the impression you just want us to sign off on the idea of going for the new girl so you can feel better about it when (not if) you do it. You've clearly already made up your mind, just try not to be an ass about it.

EDIT: Try not to be an ass to your current girlfriend, I mean. Just reread that and it occurred to me that it looked like I said you were being an ass to us XD

 

[Dr. wonderful]

...This guy is Vincent.

Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong.

Also, maybe, just MAYBE: you should try something new with your girlfriend?

 

[Akytalusia]

you just described a problem i faced a few years ago word for word. i made my decision, but i won't bother you with that. what i can tell you is that no matter what you decide to do, someone's getting hurt and the blood's going to be on your hands. you're going to have to live with that, and there's no way around it either. pick one, but don't cheat. if you do that, you'll inevitably lose everything.

 

[Dango]

Snip

You ever played Catherine?

My exact thoughts.

 

[inFAMOUSCowZ]

I'd say go single for a while, nothing is better then being single. But yeah do what makes you happy, no need to do something that you don't wanna do.

 

[chaosyoshimage]

Flip a coin, or play Catherine,both are equally valid solutions.

 

[Silva]

Resolving the situation here seems to be more about your attitude than breaking up or "going for the hot chick".

I do have a question. How do you get "sick of a woman" without only taking in the superficial side of her? I mean, it's your life, so be as superficial as you want, but I think we should look past this and see why you're sick of a human being. It's not like we're meant to consume human beings like we do games or movies, they have feelings and hearts which make them unique. If you're getting sick of her, then you may be taking a thrill seeking attitude to relationships, so be careful of ending up in a loop of three year long relationships that never go further because you happen to get bored after that long and want "a challenge". You can really ruin your love life in the long term if you let boredom and basic entertainment rule your choices.

There is a problem that I haven't seen mentioned yet in my scan of the thread as well. You may be accused of moving on "too soon" by common friends and possibly by your current girlfriend herself if you go for the girl as soon as you can after breaking up here. I've had this happen before, an entire month after a break up, and it was very unpleasant. Meanwhile if you break up then take long enough for everyone to accept your moving on, the opportunity with the other woman may pass away. So be careful taking risks here, you may lower your friend's respect for you.

If things are steady and rock solid, and you will have a lasting attraction from the new love interest, or if you don't mind jumping into the unknown future and leaving your current partner, who sounds like she's treated you reasonably well and just has family respect issues. Consider the fact that most partners tend to get sick of their in-laws (or out-laws) over years with someone, and the ones you'd "rate" higher are able to find another partner easier so you might find out that this "derisive of people who deserve respect" problem is worse with the other girl.

Also, I'm willing to bet that you found your current partner "passionate" and "challenging" when you first met her too. The only difference is the years spent together, and you may find this happens with the next girl too. What then? Consider your choice here carefully.

 

[Alex Feia]

Maybe I'm a little too defensive or something, but I would definitely not be okay with my GF insulting and riding on my family members. Also, I think you should go for the second. Johnny Depp once said that if you fall in love with two people, always choose the second, because you wouldn't have fallen for them if you had truly loved the first.

 

[Lyri]

So, here's the deal: I'm sick of my woman.

We've been dating for three years, nonstop. We go to college together and tend to always take classes with her. She's alright-looking, and she plays games and cosplays and such rather continuously and adequately. We tend to agree on many issues of morality, life, and love, though she's a bit interested in children and marriage, which concerns me. Our sex life is, to put it bluntly, great, even though I have long ago lost interest.

Things between us are by no means BAD. But they also aren't perfect. We bicker incessantly due to our shared trait of stubbornness, and she is overly harsh and judgmental of my activities (hardcore gaming, drinking) and she pouts whenever I take alone time or leave her to see my friends. She's also very critical of my father and sister, people who are flawed but not worthy of the heaps of derision poured upon them.

We also have many portions of our lives intertwined, e.g., we both share an hourly job and our families are quite fond of each other.

There's also a fly in the ointment. I'm falling for another woman as well. This new girl is three years younger than myself. (I'm 21, if it helps) and we are both very into each other. I've kept a bit of distance between me and this new girl, but I find it harder and harder to avoid. This new woman appears to have the qualities I like that my current girlfriend lacks: intellectual curiosity, passion, and a challenging mindset. She's the excitement and challenge my relationship lacks. Also, my current gf is a 6 and the new one is easily an 8.

TLDR: Excitement and Challenge, or Comfort and Security? Help me Escapists, you're my only hope.

Then mix it up?
You honestly sound like you have a good thing going, so why don't you just get on with doing something different with your lady?
You're obviously feeling this way about the other girl because she's new, and of course you think it's better for you because frankly you don't spend all day every day with her like your current situation.

Grass isn't always greener.

 

[Instant K4rma]

Not sure an internet forum is the best place to go for advice on such a critical decision. You do what you feel you should do, not what a poll on an internet forum said you should do. If you feel strongly about leaving her (more so than staying with her), then leave her, or vise versa. That's your call, not ours.

 

[XaoTIKn]

It was Johnny Depp who once said "If you fall in love with two people, Pick the second, because if you really loved the first you would not have fallen for the second."

 

[pigmypython]

You're 21...go for the new one and let the current GF down easy. You are in no rush.

 

[synobal]

The Grass is always Greener, and in some cases younger and firmer.