Poll: Thinking of Leaving My GF of Three Years

[Bigsmith]

Snip

If sounds like you and your girl friend need to do something, go on holiday, if she likes Cosplay then go to a Con/Expo with her. It's what me and my Girlfriend do...

 

[LiquidGrape]

The fact that you would describe her as "your woman" and being "alright-looking" tells me you should leave your current girlfriend and live a life of celibacy for the benefit of women everywhere.

 

[NoeL]

Get with the new chick. You're 21 - still have plenty of living to do.

Also, if my friends' relationships have taught me anything you'll soon get bored with the new girl, pine for your old girlfriend, and you'll get back together. Then you'll go another three to six years of being on-again off-again, you'll annoy the shit out of all your friends, and eventually you'll break up for good and resent the fact you wasted so much of your life.

Then you'll meet the right girl and everything will be happy again.

 

[Boba Frag]

Well, at least you know you're not happy. For God's sake, though, don't blind side the girl when you sit her down to talk it out and end.

Also, don't just jump on the new girl straight away, but at least be honest when telling your current gf that you're interested in someone else. You owe her that much, although it's good that you realise you're not happy.

Personally, being over critical of someone else's family, despite their flaws, is a fucking no-go area.

Best of luck with it all.

 

[PrototypeC]

I just don't know why OP seems to think that New Girl will be so much better than Current Girl. You know why the grass is always greener on the other side? Because where you are, you can't see any flaws, but the fence is cleanly hiding all the yellowed grass.

Let me put it this way; everybody is adept at hiding their biggest flaws before they begin really dating. That is, you'll only see their best qualities until you're in too deep to just back out. OP seems to think that New Girl is a thousand times better than Current Girl merely by the fact that she's New. Well sure, Current Girl used to be New too, and you don't seem pleased with how that turned out!

 

[zane224]

Play Catherine

 

[kouriichi]

You should go on hiatus.

Go off, do your own thing, but remember how great your times together are.

You dont have to LEAVE HER to take a break. But dont go for this new girl. Shes a fling. Everyone has them. Shes different then what you have, and thats what you want right now.

Let me give you an example. My grandparents have been together for.... 45, 50 years?
They bicker everyday. They have times where they dont want to see eachother.

But every night, they get back in the same bed, and sleep side by side. Things are good, but as you said, by no means perfect.

No relationship will be. Me and my wife may have the occasional disagreement. But i give her a back rub, kiss her neck, tell her i love her, and everything is back to normal.

Just because things are getting a little dull, doesnt mean you should change it. Sure, take a small break from your girl. Go on a vacation. Head to a different country for a week. Go visit your family for a while.

But what you'll come to notice is, your going to miss her. Youve been with her for 3 years for a reason. It works. It may not work perfectly. But nothing ever does.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Go for the new chick man. If you're getting bored of your girl now you're going to be REALLY bored of her in a few months, and that avenue might not be open down the line. Take advantage of the opportunity and stop staving off the inevitable. Even if it doesn't work out with the new girl, its better to get out than stew in the stagnation of a bad/boring relationship.

 

[Tiger Sora]

If one bit of the relationship is working but the other isn't. You won't be able to live with her the rest of your life. She'll grate on you till ya snap and than where will you be. A messy divorce case or somethin.

The way everything seems though is that you should go with the new girl. But I'm no where near an expert on the subject. Just a casual Escapists observer.

 

[PrototypeC]

OK, OK... I'll be totally honest. Firstly, I thought this was the plot of Catherine and had to look it up to make sure you weren't trolling. Secondly, I don't understand why you started dating Current Girl if she wasn't by far the hottest (that is to say, most attractive in every way, not just physical) girl you knew. If she WAS, then what's changed is most likely just you and your opinions. You're only 21. Hell, I'M 21 and I've never even had a real girlfriend. If this isn't the life you were looking for... I hate to say it, but who are you benefiting by sticking around? Certainly not Current Girlfriend, who you're probably snubbing as of now. If you're really this sick of seeing her all the time, it might just be time to quit.

There are a lot of caveats, though. Spend some time APART from Current Girl. The negatives you listed seem pretty weak, but even the weakest problem (breathing through nose, never taking sexual initiative, etc.) can multiply by tons if you never spend any time apart from each other. As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder... well, as nobody but me says, if distance doesn't do it, then quit it. It seems to me that as this point there may be no way out but the messy way. That's why you wanna make sure this isn't just youthful capriciousness and that you're legitimately not happy.

Don't just assume what's broke will fix itself, but don't assume that new = better forever. Only you know what you have to do; you're just making sure by asking us strangers.

 

[Timmehexas]

I have a feeling she'd be much better off if you decided to end it, you're talking about her more like she is a possession then your actual girlfriend.

Edit: So basically my advice... end it.

 

[Hides His Eyes]

So, here's the deal: I'm sick of my woman.

We've been dating for three years, nonstop. We go to college together and tend to always take classes with her. She's alright-looking, and she plays games and cosplays and such rather continuously and adequately. We tend to agree on many issues of morality, life, and love, though she's a bit interested in children and marriage, which concerns me. Our sex life is, to put it bluntly, great, even though I have long ago lost interest.

Things between us are by no means BAD. But they also aren't perfect. We bicker incessantly due to our shared trait of stubbornness, and she is overly harsh and judgmental of my activities (hardcore gaming, drinking) and she pouts whenever I take alone time or leave her to see my friends. She's also very critical of my father and sister, people who are flawed but not worthy of the heaps of derision poured upon them.

We also have many portions of our lives intertwined, e.g., we both share an hourly job and our families are quite fond of each other.

There's also a fly in the ointment. I'm falling for another woman as well. This new girl is three years younger than myself. (I'm 21, if it helps) and we are both very into each other. I've kept a bit of distance between me and this new girl, but I find it harder and harder to avoid. This new woman appears to have the qualities I like that my current girlfriend lacks: intellectual curiosity, passion, and a challenging mindset. She's the excitement and challenge my relationship lacks. Also, my current gf is a 6 and the new one is easily an 8.

TLDR: Excitement and Challenge, or Comfort and Security? Help me Escapists, you're my only hope.

I'm sorry but I really, really think this is up to you. You couldn't give us a powerful enough picture of your situation and your relationship if you spent a month explaining it to us, and even if you did we could only tell you what we would do, and not what you should do. These forums are great, don't get me wrong, but they have their limitations.

Good luck though, I hope things work out for the best.

 

[Varanfan9]

Now I'm no expert but to me it sounds like you just need a little time away from each other. You sound as though you are getting sick of her and need something different. Maybe take a vacation by yourself or something. Then when you get back you may find you missed her the entire time.

 

[intheweeds]

Resolving the situation here seems to be more about your attitude than breaking up or "going for the hot chick".

I do have a question. How do you get "sick of a woman" without only taking in the superficial side of her? I mean, it's your life, so be as superficial as you want, but I think we should look past this and see why you're sick of a human being. It's not like we're meant to consume human beings like we do games or movies, they have feelings and hearts which make them unique. If you're getting sick of her, then you may be taking a thrill seeking attitude to relationships, so be careful of ending up in a loop of three year long relationships that never go further because you happen to get bored after that long and want "a challenge". You can really ruin your love life in the long term if you let boredom and basic entertainment rule your choices.

There is a problem that I haven't seen mentioned yet in my scan of the thread as well. You may be accused of moving on "too soon" by common friends and possibly by your current girlfriend herself if you go for the girl as soon as you can after breaking up here. I've had this happen before, an entire month after a break up, and it was very unpleasant. Meanwhile if you break up then take long enough for everyone to accept your moving on, the opportunity with the other woman may pass away. So be careful taking risks here, you may lower your friend's respect for you.

If things are steady and rock solid, and you will have a lasting attraction from the new love interest, or if you don't mind jumping into the unknown future and leaving your current partner, who sounds like she's treated you reasonably well and just has family respect issues. Consider the fact that most partners tend to get sick of their in-laws (or out-laws) over years with someone, and the ones you'd "rate" higher are able to find another partner easier so you might find out that this "derisive of people who deserve respect" problem is worse with the other girl.

Also, I'm willing to bet that you found your current partner "passionate" and "challenging" when you first met her too. The only difference is the years spent together, and you may find this happens with the next girl too. What then? Consider your choice here carefully.

I was thinking something similar. I hate to bring it up, but OP is 21. All I can do is compare myself at that age and I wasn't the settle down type then either. My now self reads the 'flaws' in the current relationship and doesn't see a deal breaker in there anywhere. I can see how my 21 year old self would be bored though. I'm not everyone of course, and I know that some people have fine relationships at that age, but myself is all I can compare to.

I worry too that going for a girl who is 18 i probably not the best idea. She may be hot, but unless she was some kind of teenage slut(which isn't a good sign of emotional health in itself), she is going to be inexperienced in bed and is probably going to be wishy washy about the relationship in general. She is even less ready to be in a relationship long term than you are.

Regardless of what you do, I agree with the above poster that you should take a long honest look at your motives first. Why are you unhappy? Is the relationship really all that bad or are you just looking for the next challenge? Maybe you are feeling like you need to be free to explore and it has nothing to do with your current g/f. If that's the case stop blaming her for it and move on. Regardless, be good to her, this isn't her fault and she hasn't done anything wrong.

I would go with either stay where you are or be single. Jumping into this young girl's bed isn't going to be good for anyone in my opinion.

 

[omega 616]

Still fun, just routine. It's not exactly simple. XD We've done it over 300 times in 3 years. Tell me when that gets old for ya. :O

I've never had "fun" and "routine" overlap, but maybe that's just me. I suppose there are some people wake up every morning and get a kick out of brushing their teeth. Perhaps I'm using the wrong toothpaste.

I assume they lace there's with cocaine.

If your already falling for somebody else, call the relationship now. Your only going to be attracted to the new girl more and more and push the old one further and further away.

Might as well end it sooner so you can be happy sooner.

Although keep in mind, I am some random guy who doesn't actually care about your life so I have no emotional attachment or thought about how you work together etc

 

[keyLIMEpiez]

This situation reminds me of what happened to my mom and dad.
They got married due to their plenty in common.
Eventually the minor day to day bickering occurred, but instead of ending with on person giving up, they exploded and became major family drama due to their mutual stubbornness. They got divorced within 3 years, and mom spent the next 14 trying to convince the only child that the dad was a severe alcoholic who tried to kill her.

Anywho, honestly, yes I think you may need to break it up, if these little things about her are annoying you now pre-marrage(assume you go that path)they'll only get worse, and possibly drag a little guy down with it.

 

[Nopenahnuhuh]

So, here's the deal: I'm sick of my woman.

We've been dating for three years, nonstop. We go to college together and tend to always take classes with her. She's alright-looking, and she plays games and cosplays and such rather continuously and adequately. We tend to agree on many issues of morality, life, and love, though she's a bit interested in children and marriage, which concerns me. Our sex life is, to put it bluntly, great, even though I have long ago lost interest.

Things between us are by no means BAD. But they also aren't perfect. We bicker incessantly due to our shared trait of stubbornness, and she is overly harsh and judgmental of my activities (hardcore gaming, drinking) and she pouts whenever I take alone time or leave her to see my friends. She's also very critical of my father and sister, people who are flawed but not worthy of the heaps of derision poured upon them.

We also have many portions of our lives intertwined, e.g., we both share an hourly job and our families are quite fond of each other.

There's also a fly in the ointment. I'm falling for another woman as well. This new girl is three years younger than myself. (I'm 21, if it helps) and we are both very into each other. I've kept a bit of distance between me and this new girl, but I find it harder and harder to avoid. This new woman appears to have the qualities I like that my current girlfriend lacks: intellectual curiosity, passion, and a challenging mindset. She's the excitement and challenge my relationship lacks. Also, my current gf is a 6 and the new one is easily an 8.

TLDR: Excitement and Challenge, or Comfort and Security? Help me Escapists, you're my only hope.

Up to you mate, the whole point of dating and being together is to one day tie the knot, and if you don't see it happening with this girl than it's time to giver her the old "welcome to dumpsvile. population: you" card. No point in being in a stagnant relationship, right? But don't ever think you'll be able to find a girl who accepts you for what you are 100% or is completely fine with every single thing that you do. My girl's ok with my gaming habits, but she's not fond of drinking so I happily gave that up in order to be with her because to me my girl's much more important than booze. I'm 23, by the way and I intend to marry her as soon as I get out of college and we've been dating for about a year and a half.

 

[Manji187]

You have a girlfriend who is only three years old? You monster! XD

Anyway, on topic: do whatever feels right to you, just know that the grass is always greener on the other side...until you actually go and inspect it. You think the "8" girl is perfect? What if you go with her and a "10" comes around? Obviously, you won't be ditching girls for all eternity.

 

[smithy_2045]

Talk to your close friends, they know the situation way better than anyone on the internet.

 

[Insideout Ink Demon]

The fact that you would describe her as "your woman" and being "alright-looking" tells me you should leave your current girlfriend and live a life of celibacy for the benefit of women everywhere.

"my woman" might be a mutally accepted term of endearment