Poll: Upsides to bullying?

[MelziGurl]

I was bullied throughout most of primary school, luckily for me though I developed thicker skin during high school. Now I just don't take anyone's bullshit, so when someone knows they've pissed me off and I go eerily quiet they get scared and stay out of my way. Calm before the storm

 

[Samurai Goomba]

I think the people who say "yes" should measure the supposed "upside" to their bullying experience against the damage done to them emotionally, physically and psychologically. I wasn't bullied much in school (by classmates, anyway, let's leave family out of this), but my opinion on bullying is that it does nobody any good.

Saying your bullying experience had a positive result is like advocating the benefits of being crippled, because now you appreciate life more. People who were bullied don't "profit" more from the experience than people who were never bullied. There's a reason bullying is stupid, shortsighted and morally reprehensible.

I'm sorry, but if you were physically or emotionally abused at any point in your childhood, the positive result that came of that is probably still not as good for you as a person as if you never were abused. I'm not saying nobody can have positive things happen to them out of a bad situation. People can make the best of things, and they do it all the time. That said, everyone who has been abused (myself included, and bullying is indeed abuse) needs to admit we are in a worse place now than if it had never happened, and it was NOT a positive experience. We all should commit to refusing to tolerate bullying in the future, whether this behavior manifests itself in our kids, or in our family members, or wherever.

We need to draw a line and say that this behavior is unacceptable, and follow up that assertion with action.

 

[EeveeElectro]

All it gave me was a bad self esteem and a hatred of everyone. I slowly got over it, although even at my work I'm always left out and an outsider, just like at school.
I can take solace in the fact that most of the bullies live in council estates with 4 kids now.

 

[Whitenail]

Not that I can think of, I was bullied alot in my first primary then went through a stage of bitter, crushing depression in my second primary school.

I suppose what I gained, if anything, was an extremely low tolerance for persecution and somehow managing to retain both optimism and kindness.

It doesn't build character, it doesn't put people in their place, it doesn't toughen people up. Bullying is simply a cowardly, hurtful, barbaric waste of time.

 

[Danpascooch]

nobodies opinion of me matters except my own

First off, let me say that is a bad lesson to learn, it's important to care about what other people think of you to some degree, it's that motivation that keeps us from being complete assholes who never shower, and spit on the floor.

Secondly, you left out the reason everyone treated you like crap, teachers aren't going to go out of their way to lie to get you into trouble unless the have a reason. It may happen once, but not as much as you're describing. The reason they have might not be a good one, but the fact that you're not telling us what that reason is makes me think it might be something that paints you in a negative light.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that that's not the whole quote,nor the point. That point being that I won't allow people with baseless negativity to bother me. While I won't go as far to say I ignore it, I will not allow it to hurt me or damage my self-respect if I believe it was intended to hurt me. Essentially, it's "S, ticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" taken to heart. I may have not conveyed my point well enough for you to understand this, and I apologize for that, but I am critical of myself and I won't simply disregard something says about me if I believe that they are correct.

Secondly, I'll admit that it's hard to believe that I would receive such abuse for no reason and that my story seems unbelievable. It is, nonetheless, true. The only thing I left out was that I have ADHD (Irrelevant, really, considering I was no worse than anyone else in terms of behavior when the treatment started). It was no excuse for the way I was treated as I was on medication for it at the time and I was no worse than my peers in terms of attention span or academic achievement. In fact, I behaved better than some. I will however admit that when I received the unfair punishments (AFTER receiving them, not before), I was often angry and sarcastic towards the one that issued the punishment. You are essentially in the same position as my mother in regards to that, she often didn't believe that I was being truthful because it just sounded so incredible. She typically contacted a 3rd party (and a 4th/5th/6th) whose story matched near exactly with mine.

I won't say that I never caused trouble, because I did. However, I only became a trouble maker because I was being blamed anyway and through that I gained a complete disdain for my teachers.....most of them anyway, my grade 7/8 home-room teachers were rather understanding so I did not give them trouble. I dropped that lack of respect when I reached high school and was no longer being targeted, and since have not gotten in trouble (Besides an action of self-defence during a fight that I did not start. That was later solved by police through video evidence and I received no punishment)


Wooooooah....that was long winded. I hope you actually read through all that but I understand if you don't. Feel free to PM if you have more questions or need something clarified.

You have ADHD? Huh, me too.

Anyway, It's impossible that they did it so many times for no reason at all, but I think I might know what the reason is now, and it's not a good one for them to unfairly treat you for.

If I had to guess, I would say you got an unfair punishment once or twice, by coincidence, and voiced your opinion that you thought the punishment was stupid. The teachers/authority figures didn't like that, so they went out of their way to make your life miserable by giving you unfair punishments thus resulting in a vicious cycle.

Of course I could be completely wrong, that's just my guess based on the small knowledge I have. I am completely willing to believe you are not in the wrong here, but I am absolutely NOT willing to believe that the people who treated you unfairly had no reason/motivation whether that reason is a good one or not.

That seems the most likely reason, I was not happy with the way I was treated and I made that known. I still to this day do not know why they treated me the way they did though, so maybe it was something else entirely.

Perhaps I just irritated them by being there. I know several people that irritate me beyond belief by just being near me, but that's no excuse to treat a child like crap.

Assuming you didn't go around kicking down desks and inducing vomiting into your teacher's faces (I'm kidding, of course you didn't) I agree.

 

[Squidwogdog]

I gained a need to be more successful than them.

 

[megaraccoon]

ok this is the skinny i was bullied for 4yrs before going to comp (thats high school to the yanks) then i was bullied in comp however what changed is that i had learned how to take a beating and dishout more than my own fair share, but what really help was the fact my dad took me out hunting and taught me amoung other things how to take a life and the connection between predator and pray this helped as when i went back to school i fought back and went from prey to predator but i didn't become a bully in my own right more like a vigilanty everyone came to me to deal with the bullies in school. weren't many after a year or two.

 

[Boris Goodenough]

People bullied me, I resorted to psycopathic behavior, they backed down. I was sendt to the principle's office more than once.

 

[Linakrbcs]

I was bullied for about 8 years, sometimes really badly, sometimes it was just low-level unpleasantness. Basically,when I skipped a grade in primary school I lost all my friends, and the kids in my new yeargroup were horribly nasty for some reason, while my parents reaction was to tell me that it was all my fault and I was embarassing them. That continued pretty much all the way through secondary school, until I left for boarding school when I was 16. Its left me socially inept, with a deep dislike of other people, especially the giggly teenage girl variety, every time I see a bunch of them memories come flooding back. And it made my loathe my parents, because they abandoned me when I needed them most, just because having a child who's not the most popular kid in the school apparently damaged their social standing.
But all that, in the end, made me hard. I learned to hide my feelings, to put them away somewhere deep inside, to be taken out and examined till it all makes sense. And I learned not to care when someone told me that I was too stupid, or fat, or ugly, to do something, if only to prove them wrong. So in the end, even though those years were pretty hellish, I wouldn't give them up, because they shaped the way I am, and I am happy being who and what I am.
I'm not saying that bullying is a good thing, it's terribly, and it can break and destroy people. But a lucky few come out of it stronger, harder and with the knowledge that whatever is thrown at them ,they can face. It's the strength of a warrior who's seen and lived through a thousand battles, and it leaves deep scars, but in the end those are marks of battles won, not of defeats

 

[astrav1]

It makes a person stronger. An unfortunate way of looking at it but it is sort of like a bit of Darwinism. I certainly don't regret what happened to me.

 

[astrav1]

All of you are saying it made you better people? how? I dont understand that....
All it gave me was a hatred of douchebags.

Exactly, it made you a better person.

 

[FalloutJack]

Bullying has no benefits for either party. I don't let them happen and I don't do them. The only thing a bully ever benefits from around me is knowing the futility of his acts.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I went through some heavy mental bullying (or as I call it - ABUSE) from 3rd to 11th grade,... not only teachers, fellow students, and even my mother. I don't really want to get into it.

The only thing that it all slid to was severe self-esteem issues that caused an abuse of laxatives in HS. Paranoia, distrust of other people, I had/have issues with authority figures, and a healthy dose of cynicism as an adult. It's gotten a lot better since I met my husband and married, but he's had to work hard to prove to me I'm not entirely worthless. It's also taken work on my part to get better, and not to be angry and hate everything all the time.

So, no. At least not for me.

 

[Danpascooch]

nobodies opinion of me matters except my own

First off, let me say that is a bad lesson to learn, it's important to care about what other people think of you to some degree, it's that motivation that keeps us from being complete assholes who never shower, and spit on the floor.

Secondly, you left out the reason everyone treated you like crap, teachers aren't going to go out of their way to lie to get you into trouble unless the have a reason. It may happen once, but not as much as you're describing. The reason they have might not be a good one, but the fact that you're not telling us what that reason is makes me think it might be something that paints you in a negative light.

I was wondering when someone would pick up on that. Not caring what other people think of you is very bad for you. Caring what they think but prioritising their opinions against your own is positive. What's that quote from Cracked?

"Remember that smelly kid in school, who never washed his hair, had no friends and once pissed in the sink at that party he wasn't invited to? That's your kid, without peer pressure."

Not caring what other people think of you is generally caused by everyone hating you, well I'm sorry but one person can hate you just 'cause. Maybe two. If everyone hates you there's a reason.

OT: A few people tried bullying me but I've always been confrontational. It didn't work well for them.

When I wrote that post you quoted, I had that EXACT quote from Cracked firmly in my mind.

 

[faspxina]

My history of bullying goes a bit like this:
- first I was the bully;
- then I was the one being bullied (karma?);
- later on, I became that neutral, socially invisible, guy who doesn't do any bullying nor is bullied.

I understand how some people can say they've gained something from being bullied, because as they say: "suffering builds character". The only thing I am thankful for is that by being bullied, it prevented me from being a bully (or continue to be one).

But this is what I believe in: bullying sucks, it's children exploring their dark side, while to young to hide it (or control it). You could say it's cruelty in it's most honest primary form.

I'm not saying this only because I was bullied (in retrospective, I kind of deserved it), but because I've seen people doing some extreme bullying (not to me, fortunately) and I've seen how much the victims suffer from "being different". It's no longer about "who's the strongest/coolest/better one", it's about pure humiliation.

But who knows, maybe those victims will turn out to be one of the greatest people alive, thanks to that.

 

[Lilani]

The basic concept of "bullying" is that it is unwarranted harassment. The victim did nothing wrong, but they are punished anyway. I think I could see an upside if a kid who truly deserved it (like say, a bully) was ripped a new one by his fellow students, but that's not how bullying works in real life. In real life bullying experiences just hurt and cause unnecessary pain.

If knowing the darkest and cruelest parts of the human heart is an important piece of knowledge to know between the ages of 7 and 15, then by all means call it a positive. If, and only if, that knowledge outweighs the prejudice and intolerance bred by kids who are bullied because they are "different" or "weird."

 

[Autohellion]

Well one thing for witch bullying is imparative is to give kids a so called "thick skin" all these teens are commiting suicide because as children they never had to nut up and ignore other people they never learned to value their own opinion over others Expecially in schools, violence should be tolerated to a point. One of the most gratifing experiences of my life was wrapping my fingers around the bullys neck and squeezing tight, it made me more of a man.