trooper6 said:
Hap2 said:
Friendship to you perhaps, but some of us take our romantic relationships very seriously. Just because we do not want to have sex with the person, does not mean we cannot have a deep emotional bonding to them beyond that of simple friendship.
I, on the other hand, take my friendships very seriously as well. The phrase "simple friendship" does a disservice to friendships. Those who are my closest friends are as important to me as anyone else in my life. They are as important to me as my parents, my sister, my nephews. If you are a deep close friend of mine, that is for life. And you have my loyalty, my love, and deep emotional bonding.
My friends are not "less than" than my romantic relationships. Being my friend is not second place. Being my friend is a great honor. It isn't just some random acquaintanceship. It is a valued and important relationship for me.
So that asexual person who can be my friend...well, if they earn my friendship. That is a special and wonderful thing that not everyone gets to have.
You're arguing with a straw man, distorting the case into something it isn't. I take my friendships dead serious, and in fact camaraderie is just as vital as love to me, but it is understandable why you could make such a mistake, as you are most definitely not aware of my past history
.
I never did nor will I argue that friendships are more or less important than love, that issue is beside the case. But for someone who has been in love, I can tell you that it hurts to be relegated to being regarded as nothing more than a friend, and it is extremely hurtful to us romantic asexuals to be seen as incapable of true love because some people associate romance and sex as being the same thing. For some of us, 'friendship' is not enough in a relationship and we like to be more intimate with those we are in love with, albeit not necessarily sexually (hugs, kissing, and cuddling for instance instead). Some of us are willing to compromise for our lovers and have sex, and some of us do not mind sex at all, many are just indifferent. For most of us, our sexual organs work fine, there just isn't any drive or want or need to have sex with any particular others.
jpoon said:
LegendaryGamer0 said:
jpoon said:
An asexual person definitely has some mommy or daddy issues that I wouldn't want to deal with, so no.
Where did you get
that idea from? (O_O)
Something has obviously changed their nature, humans are sexual beings so something quite "devastating" has changed them to the point where they don't even derive pleasure from one of the most pleasurable experiences you can have. Like I said earlier, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that at all, what fun could you possibly have with a woman who doesn't want to be shagged...ever?
You might want to throw the book on Freud out, his theories are little more than hypothetical disproved fluff these days that are more there for historical context and not so much for actual contemporary psychology. You might also not want to judge the rest of overall Reality on the basis of your personal perception of it, for what is actual is not always going to cater to your perspective of the world
I have never been traumatized with zero bad sexual experiences, I have lived a healthy normal life, I am an aspiring artist and philosopher, and I am still asexual. We are quite normal, each with our own individual quirks like everyone else. The hegemonic belief in North American society that all people 'must' be sexual (heterosexual if you really want to get technical), is just a socially constructed 'norm'. Reality is always going to be much more diverse than what we believe it to be. After all, there are studies that not only show asexuality in humans, but in animals as well. The very conception of the phenomena itself is fairly new, but it isn't something that just popped up over night. Likely, no one has ever really thought about it before until now because of the way society has structured itself.
Also, if I had a girlfriend, asexual of course, I can think of plenty of things to have fun together. Going to the movies, having dinner and conversation at the fancy Japanese restaurant downtown, going to the carnival in the summer, hiking, cuddling, etc. Hate to burst your bubble, (well, not really), but not all relationships have to revolve around sex. I would much rather have a companion, someone that could count on me, and that I could count on in return, a relationship of mutual support of one another.
SomeBritishDude said:
First of all, I don't really believe in Asexuality. Unless there's some sort of medical problem everyone has some sort of sexual drive. I don't believe in it the same way I don't believe in people who don't get hundry or don't get tired; we all get horny.
But with the question no, I wouldn't. Sex is an important part of a relationship. I enjoy what a girl does to me and I love helping her enjoy herself too. I couldn't be in a relationship where there's non of that, not only because I want to be satisfied but also because I want to satisfy someone else.
I would question though, assuming Asexuality actually exists what the said Asexual person get out of a relationship. Wouldn't it make things a lot easy just to have really close friends? Maybe I'm closed minded but I would argue that a real relationship isn't really such without sexual attraction for one another. I understand that there our other things to get out a relationship but, though I haven't been that close to someone in that way without there being a sexual attraction, surelly you can get the same kind of understanding of each other though a very close friendship.
That's all right, I don't believe in you either
Seriously though, as I replied to the other post, I have no such medical problems. I mean, I'm not as in great shape as I should be (slacking off on the weights and relying on too much DDR lol, at least it'll be warm enough soon for my bike to come out of the shed), but other than that, I'm fit as a fiddle mentally, physically and spiritually. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not sex drive. It means the sex drive, if a particular asexual has one, isn't pointed at any one thing, gender, or person in particular or general. That's all. Need more information, look here: http://www.asexuality.org/
Different people are going to need different things in a relationship. Me? I prefer intimacy and companionship, and I'm indifferent to sex. Others, want something like a very close friendship. And others from them, want both sex and romance to be major parts. "Ask a million people, and you get a million different answers" as the saying goes.
I find it fascinating that so many would presuppose that their particular needs are universal amongst so many, but I'm guessing that's a sort of 'self-survival' instinct at work to help people cope with such a diverse Reality that goes beyond and over what each of our individual perspectives are able to handle. To make calm and predictable the chaos that Reality might otherwise represent, to keep a hold of that feeling of safety. That's another topic entirely though and I just wrote an essay on it which I am not too keen to relive...
