Whenever this subject comes up I'm never a hundred percent sure what to say. I get the not-insane arguments by people against it, and I respect them. I can see where one can say there's an objectification problem in terms of women and it probably should be fixed. But on the flip-side there is the argument that Porn is, or at least was until relatively recent, made largely for males. It's all valid points but I'm not sure we'll ever do anything but go back and forth and frankly I don't think I'm wise enough to be able to come up with any new solutions or a heavily defined opinion. However I would like to point out a few things in terms of what people have been mentioning. Put some stuff into a possible form of context or explanation.
Mostly, relating to the violence/choking/rough sex issue, I think this stems from the belief of many men who claim with a hundred and ten percent certainty that 'women like assholes'. Just yesterday two co-workers of mine, one probably 20 or so, the other easily into his 50s, were agreeing with each other about how women crave attention and if you deny them that it only makes them want to work harder for your attention. How you have to not care and be a jerk.
Now I've had a female friend of mine tell me that women can smell confidence. Not literally, but you get the idea. and I can see where what those two were saying is a kind of twisted confidence that might indeed attract some women, to me that seems horrible. However to me that also seems like the norm. So if it is, unfortunately I think we have the following thought-process playing out:
Women are attracted to confidence-assholes are confident on the oustide-assholes treat girls like shit-treating girls like shit shows them you're confident-therefore, women like being treated like shit.
Personally I disagree with that, and I...may not have done that entirely right but I think you get where I'm going. I think it does indeed happen as a reflection of society, but it also re-enforces those notions as it reflects them, and the notions are just twisted or distorted versions of reasonable things.
A thought if someone wants to change porn/this ideal: There's a common porn-plot where some off-the-street young thing is brought in and mauled by male porn-actors. It's enjoyable for whoever watches it for whatever reason.
If we want to change the 'treating women like trash is sexy' concept, why not take that plot and flip it? Find some well-meaning, kind guy who's either genuinely off the street or 'off the street' and offer him the chance to sleep with highly-attractive women. If porn is indeed such a powerful influence on our sexual psyche, would this not eventually get the 'being NICE to women is what gets you laid' idea into general circulation?
Mostly, relating to the violence/choking/rough sex issue, I think this stems from the belief of many men who claim with a hundred and ten percent certainty that 'women like assholes'. Just yesterday two co-workers of mine, one probably 20 or so, the other easily into his 50s, were agreeing with each other about how women crave attention and if you deny them that it only makes them want to work harder for your attention. How you have to not care and be a jerk.
Now I've had a female friend of mine tell me that women can smell confidence. Not literally, but you get the idea. and I can see where what those two were saying is a kind of twisted confidence that might indeed attract some women, to me that seems horrible. However to me that also seems like the norm. So if it is, unfortunately I think we have the following thought-process playing out:
Women are attracted to confidence-assholes are confident on the oustide-assholes treat girls like shit-treating girls like shit shows them you're confident-therefore, women like being treated like shit.
Personally I disagree with that, and I...may not have done that entirely right but I think you get where I'm going. I think it does indeed happen as a reflection of society, but it also re-enforces those notions as it reflects them, and the notions are just twisted or distorted versions of reasonable things.
A thought if someone wants to change porn/this ideal: There's a common porn-plot where some off-the-street young thing is brought in and mauled by male porn-actors. It's enjoyable for whoever watches it for whatever reason.
If we want to change the 'treating women like trash is sexy' concept, why not take that plot and flip it? Find some well-meaning, kind guy who's either genuinely off the street or 'off the street' and offer him the chance to sleep with highly-attractive women. If porn is indeed such a powerful influence on our sexual psyche, would this not eventually get the 'being NICE to women is what gets you laid' idea into general circulation?