Psst he is in the friend zone

[Vault101]

Ehhh well the girls are the ones rejecting, if the laws of society was revered I'd bet the girls would blame guys for being friend zoned.
Reason 4 was hilarious by the way XD
-cough- anyway. I was under the impression that you're suppose to befriend someone before getting in a relationship not straight away go on a date and start boning.
And these asshole boyfriends would be fine if their relationships lasted, they don't and the girl complains as if every guy is like them.

the thing is.....the way thease things work seems like theres no "set" rule.......

I mean I guess its different for different people

my problem is with the Idea that all of this rests completly on the female end of things shoulders....which is bullshit.I feel like thats part of it, theease "nice" guys seem to blame women for their inability to get one

its not my fault if I'm freinds with a guy and it turns out "he really really wuvs me".....I don't HAVE to go out with him If I don't want to...who the fuck says I do?

 

[Keoul]

the thing is.....the way thease things work seems like theres no "set" rule.......

I mean I guess its different for different people

my problem is with the Idea that all of this rests completly on the female end of things shoulders....which is bullshit.I feel like thats part of it, theease "nice" guys seem to blame women for their inability to get one

its not my fault if I'm freinds with a guy and it turns out "he really really wuvs me".....I don't HAVE to go out with him If I don't want to...who the fuck says I do?

Noone says you have to go out with him
As long as you don't string him along or complain about other guys to him then you're fine. Guys have feelings too, the sooner he knows you're not interested the sooner he can get over it.

Lifes tough we're all charging in and hoping for the best -.-

 

[Keoul]

While I do have to say complaining to someone who had a crush on you about not being able to find a guy is kind of poor taste, it still doesn't really justify the odd views these 'friend zoned' people seem to have that others call them out on.

They're emotional wrecks who have been dumped by the girl they love who keeps coming back to them, making them even more confused.
Emotional people do stupid things.
It doesn't justify their actions but there you go :L

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

I don't want a 'nice' guy. Aside from the fact most of them are chivalrous perverts (I catch my platonic male friends staring where they shouldn't as much as any sleazy chap in a bar). But anyone in my friendzone is there because:

a: I met them through university/school/another friend and it would be odd to think of them romantically.
b: They're unattractive.
c: They're unassertive and lack confidence, which I, like many I'm sure, find very attractive.

 

[Justank]

*eye twitch*

The friend zone does not exist, at least not in the way many guys think it does. To some guys, the friend zone is where the worthy guys are warehoused while women go out and go date the undeserving assholes. In reality, the "friend zone" is the unintentionally self-imposed unattractive status said man ends up giving himself when he confuses "acting friendly, nice, and good" and "acting like a puss" among other similarly unattractive behaviors while vainly believing he can some how convince her that she should suddenly be attracted to behaviors she's already deemed unattractive. It's their own damn fault for being in the "friend zone".

We have a winner right here, man up, ask her out, if she says no and you were only there for a relationship beyond friends, get over the rejection and bounce out. Stop stringing yourself along.

 

[Phasmal]

Spoiler: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

Personally, I feel it is bullshit. It's a made up term for a made up place.

well the flaw with that is many guys who are in the friend zone are the type of guys who care about a relationship more then sex.

They're still being an asshole.

If a guy doesn't respect you enough to let you choose your own romantic partner without sticking around and bitching that you `friend-zoned` them, then they do not like/love you. They just want to `have` you, and are going to throw a hissy fit if they can't.

The `friend-zone` is just a place dudes made up so they wouldn't have to face rejection.

Noone says you have to go out with him
As long as you don't string him along or complain about other guys to him then you're fine. Guys have feelings too, the sooner he knows you're not interested the sooner he can get over it.

If you have a friend who you cannot talk about other dudes around, he is not your friend. He is a sore loser. Sadly, I had to lose a friend like this, so it really irritates me.
You do not have a right to sulk around if your friend says she just wants to be your friend and then dates other dudes. If someone cannot handle seeing someone they wanted with someone else, they shouldnt be sticking around pretending to be a friend.

I hate this topic!!!

For god's sake. We ladies do not stick around labelling our friends. If you present yourself as a friend and get only friendship, what did you expect??! (`Oh, this dude is NICE! A decent human being!` Dunno about you dudes, but I aim higher than that).

 

[Vegosiux]

I don't want a 'nice' guy. Aside from the fact most of them are chivalrous perverts (I catch my platonic male friends staring where they shouldn't as much as any sleazy chap in a bar). But anyone in my friendzone is there because:

a: I met them through university/school/another friend and it would be odd to think of them romantically.
b: They're unattractive.
c: They're unassertive and lack confidence, which I, like many I'm sure, find very attractive.

A and B are clear-cut, but "confidence" is one of those things everyone has an own definition of. Also I wonder why you consider "nice" and "confident" to be mutually exclusive?

 

[OniaPL]

Well, if you are constantly getting friendzoned, take an alternate approach and the next time you are meeting a woman for the first time, rather than being friendly just be bold and say "Hey biatch, get your daily serving of big hard cock from me, free of charge!". Guaranteed to work. Trust me. Now go and do it.

Seriously though, where is this friendzone thing coming from? Sometimes it feels like some people think that being nice to women means they should give you some ass.

 

[Carbonyl]

So women why did y'all invent the friendzone? .

cause were evil bitches involved in a global feminist conspiracy

OBVIOUSLY

Don't tell them the evil plan! Geez!

We're supposed to be the subtler sex, right?

 

[Yopaz]

You're right, a relationship like that shouldn't happen and if it did and lasted long enough, we get divorce.

I'm not saying girls have an obligation to go out with every "nice" guy the meet, just that they gotta stop complaining they can't find a single one and any person that is nice and interested is just seen as a best friend. Basically if they don't want guys complaining about friendzone they gotta stop complaining about guys and move on.

Well you just hit the nail on the head there. Girls shouldn't be obligated togo out with nice guys they aren't attracted to, but that's also the whole deal with most of the guys who complains about the friend zone. They feel like girls should go out with them because they're nice or simply because "they're always there for her". The friend zone is just some bullshit guys who chase girls that aren't interested in them have come up with.

I also find your statement that girls should stop complaining about guys and move on hilarious. You said that in a thread about the friend zone. A subject which is mainly about guys who whine about their love life and wont move on and try to find someone who returns their feelings.

 

[Keoul]

For god's sake. We ladies do not stick around labelling our friends. If you present yourself as a friend and get only friendship, what did you expect??! (`Oh, this dude is NICE! A decent human being!` Dunno about you dudes, but I aim higher than that).

Out of curiosity then why would you go out with someone?
Unless you're one of those people who believe in "Love at first site" you befriend someone, learn more about them see if you have any common interests then if it's all good for both parties you start dating. Or atleast that's how I pictured it >>

 

[Ickorus]

I'm in the apparently unique position of being a guy who has 'friend-zoned' a woman and been 'friend-zoned' by a woman and I gotta say, I can understand it.

In the case of the girl I 'friend-zoned' we looked out for each other and got on well together but our personalities and interests differed too much for me to make a relationship out of it.

Sometimes the people who make great friends aren't the same people who make great partners.

A crappy analogy for it would be that when I eat steak I like it rare, if someone brought me a well-done steak I'd still eat it and enjoy it but if given the choice it's not something I would order for a meal.

Hope that helps.

 

[nuba km]

Spoiler: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

Personally, I feel it is bullshit. It's a made up term for a made up place.

well the flaw with that is many guys who are in the friend zone are the type of guys who care about a relationship more then sex.

They're still being an asshole.

If a guy doesn't respect you enough to let you choose your own romantic partner without sticking around and bitching that you `friend-zoned` them, then they do not like/love you. They just want to `have` you, and are going to throw a hissy fit if they can't.

The `friend-zone` is just a place dudes made up so they wouldn't have to face rejection.

well many in the friend zone are happy being friends, they just find it stupid when they choose the packed of salt and vinger crisps and then complain about it not being vanilla ice cream, and lets face it that is kind stupid. As for the respect thing, I respect my friend to let him choose what games he wants to buy and play, but at the end of the day if he gets a terrible game that I told him was terrible and gave him a better alternative for I am not going to be sympathetic when he tells me about how terrible the game is. I will also again suggest the better game, I don't just want my friend to play the same games I do and I won't throw a hissy fit if he won't I just want him to play a good game as he could enjoy it.

 

[ChocoFace]

Implying that the only reason men are nice to women is hot steamy sex?

Actually, not that you'd know, but women are people with personalities. I have lots of friends who are girls and i don't expect them to start dating me or something.
the friend zone is a non-issue.

 

[Keoul]

I also find your statement that girls should stop complaining about guys and move on hilarious. You said that in a thread about the friend zone. A subject which is mainly about guys who whine about their love life and wont move on and try to find someone who returns their feelings.

Haha yeah XD
This may seem personal but have you been in a breakup? if you had you'd know that the further away from them the easier you'll get over them. friendzoned guys have that girl continuously talk to them, makes em confused emotional twats.

I'm guessing this friendzoned shyte happens because even when rejected, these dudes still think they have a chance, so they don't move on and then get angry when the girl finally does leave them for good.

 

[Phasmal]

For god's sake. We ladies do not stick around labelling our friends. If you present yourself as a friend and get only friendship, what did you expect??! (`Oh, this dude is NICE! A decent human being!` Dunno about you dudes, but I aim higher than that).

Out of curiosity then why would you go out with someone?
Unless you're one of those people who believe in "Love at first site" you befriend someone, learn more about them see if you have any common interests then if it's all good for both parties you start dating. Or atleast that's how I pictured it >>

It's fine to go for friendship at first and then start flirting at some point, and then if she responds continue on to relationship. Presenting yourself as just a friend and wistfully staring at the other person hoping they will make the first move is just creepy if they don't feel the same way.

My first boyfriend was a friend at first, and then he asked me on a date and I said yes.
My second (and current) boyfriend was a friend who was constantly flirting with me from the beginning and then asked me out. The point is, you have to make your feelings clearly known at some point, and if you dont/they don't feel the same way, you have to be ... well... not an asshole about it.

well many in the friend zone are happy being friends, they just find it stupid when they choose the packed of salt and vinger crisps and then complain about it not being vanilla ice cream, and lets face it that is kind stupid. As for the respect thing, I respect my friend to let him choose what games he wants to buy and play, but at the end of the day if he gets a terrible game that I told him was terrible and gave him a better alternative for I am not going to be sympathetic when he tells me about how terrible the game is. I will also again suggest the better game, I don't just want my friend to play the same games I do and I won't throw a hissy fit if he won't I just want him to play a good game as he could enjoy it.

Your friend may have a different idea of what a `good game` is. I've never complained about my boyfriend to my friends, but I still have had dudes assert that they were so much better for me, without really knowing my boyfriend. Or me.

 

[Patrick Buck]

Girls arn't the only people who friendzone. It's possible to JUST want to be friends with someone. I'm confused as to how everyone gets so angry about it, saying it's unfair. I've been friendzone'd. I'm not bitter, ain't her fault she doesn't wanna go out with me. But I've also been asked out by a friend, who I just wanted to be friends with, so that might have been the reason I was so accepting of it.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

I always find it funny that guys still think women choose who they're attracted to... I'm sorry, but the reason a guy gets friendzoned is usually not because "women only date bastards"(if you get the quote you get a cookie) but because women don't see you as a "Man" but as a large boy, and a burden, it's all in how you carry yourself, and how you present yourself, if you play the "nice guy" and suck up to women you are making yourself less of a man in doing so.

I've explained it hundreds of times, to hundreds of people over the years, and people just don't seem to listen, there's a reason that I can get a date without much trouble even though I'm a minimum wage earning bootlick, who's overweight, and has herpes, and all those guys who work decent jobs, are clean, and trim, but just don't "get it" can't get laid for the life o them, it's presentation, visible confidence, it's all in a combination of body language and vocal mannerism. It is a GAME it has rules and it has success formula, just like any other, and you are just playing it wrong, that is all.

Remember, if you do not present yourself as a man, women will not see you as one, and that means all hope = lost.

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

A and B are clear-cut, but "confidence" is one of those things everyone has an own definition of. Also I wonder why you consider "nice" and "confident" to be mutually exclusive?

I don't consider them so, there are plenty of nice and confident chaps, and they often get my number. I used 'nice' to refer to those who are already being discussed in here as saying they want a platonic relationship but every now and again making it obvious they're interested in more.

As an example, a chap in my class is friendly, talkative, very helpful, and gave me a whole drunken speil one evening about how he agreed with me when I said I found relationships were defined as platonic or romantic early on and very difficult to go from one to the other. Then I went through a rough patch with my then boyfriend and he's coming back to my house until 5am and behaving in an obviously interested manner without just saying it or acting on it.

I wish I could put myself more eloquently, but I suppose I just like people to be clear cut and honest in their intentions.

EDIT: Very aware it's unfair to judge an entire gender based on a single member, not what I was doing.

 

[Terminal Blue]

They all said yes. Yet they still denied them.

The answer to all your questions is right through..

Spoiler: ..this door

(Oops.. Well, we can stand to have it said twice)

What I'm saying, is that the friendzone exists because girls continuously say how there are no good guys out there when the people who do meet all their specifications are ignored.

Not meeting their specifications isn't the only reason guys are "friend zoned". The girl could actually be in love with him but refuses to date him because she doesn't want to ruin their friendship.

1) There's a hidden specification which applies to all human sexual relationships, which is that someone has to want to have sex with you.

I don't know how you people get the idea that this is optional.

2) That never happens. It's something people tell you (or you just make up) so your feelings won't be hurt.

They're not in love with you, they're not secretly attracted to you. Have some self respect and some respect for women and stop living in denial. That's not going to chance no matter how much you try to put yourself on the radar by being artificially nice, it will only possibly change as people expectations and personality changes as they.. you know.. grow up.

But that requires you to grow up too.

1. she probably doesnt know he's an asshole
2. she sees somthing in him you don't
3. he actually isnt an asshole thats just how your seeing him
4. he's hot and can fuck like a machine

This guy gets it..

Sit down and look at yourselves, then look at the people you think are arseholes, and ask yourself who is really more attractive. Is it a) passive aggressive people who fawn over their objects of unrequited desire then secretly seethe about how awful it is that they won't repay their trivial kindness with mediocre, joyless sex. Or is it b) confident people who have the balls to make their intentions clear from the outset and who have their own personality which isn't a patent lie designed to (fail) to get them laid.

Maybe the reasons girls feel they can go out with "arseholes" is because arseholes can actually deal with rejection.

You don't have to like everything about someone to recognize when they're doing something right.