Psst he is in the friend zone

[Vegosiux]

I wish I could put myself more eloquently, but I suppose I just like people to be clear cut and honest in their intentions.

It pretty much boils down to exactly this, yeah. So many mishaps could be avoided if everyone just spoke their minds clearly.

 

[Yopaz]

I also find your statement that girls should stop complaining about guys and move on hilarious. You said that in a thread about the friend zone. A subject which is mainly about guys who whine about their love life and wont move on and try to find someone who returns their feelings.

Haha yeah XD
This may seem personal but have you been in a breakup? if you had you'd know that the further away from them the easier you'll get over them. friendzoned guys have that girl continuously talk to them, makes em confused emotional twats.

I'm guessing this friendzoned shyte happens because even when rejected, these dudes still think they have a chance, so they don't move on and then get angry when the girl finally does leave them for good.

Yeah, I guess you make a fair point there. The friend zone is unhealthy for both parties I'd say. Both breakups and rejection heal better with time apart (of course there are exceptions). I am also guessing it's easier to be the person who rejected someone than the one who was rejected. I've been the one who rejcted someone and I hardly think twice about that so I guess I could see how I could still be friends with someone I rejected. Also "we can still be friends" is most likely intended to take some of the pain from being rejected away. I guess the friend zone comes from poor communications on both sides.

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

Spoiler: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

Personally, I feel it is bullshit. It's a made up term for a made up place.

You can totally put friend coins into me.

OT: if we ignore these threads, will they go away?

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

"I be really nice to her and she won't let me have sex with her! But I don't even want sex! I just want to be in a relationship with her! Being her friend sucks..."

Yeah, I don't even...

 

[Yopaz]

Yeah, but should anyone settle with someone they don't really like because they have ONE quality they like?

Of course not. But if they express their frustration in a way that makes said quality more important than the rest, then things can get hairy. I mean, "Where are all the nice guys?" sounds like "nice guy" is of paramount importance, while the girl usually means "Why can't my man be nicer?"

It's just that people really need to communicate better. It's not a "friendzone" problem, it's a problem of saying something dubious that doesn't necessarily get your point across clearly.

The friend zone is a result of poor communication and probably unhealthy ways to deal with rejection. I think it's fair to say that your statement that all the problems that comes with it are caused by more poor communication. Worst case scenario is when a girl says something like "Why can't I meet a guy like you?" that's idocy at its best.

 

[Hugga_Bear]

Joining the naysayers because no. Just. No.

The friendzone doesn't exist. It just doesn't and you know what the funny thing is? The vast, huge majority of people who complain about this 'friendzone' are dickheads. No really, they're horrible people. I remember seeing on 9gag (oh le yourself) a pic with those weird, semi-emo chibi, anthropomorphic pillow things where one says something like "Oh as long as you're happy" as the girl he (it?) likes is hugging another guy (thing?). Okay cool, no that's legit.

Then someone did a NO. FUCK YOU BLAHBLAH SELF ENTITLED BLAH counter post.
And it got likes.

No, that's disgusting. You don't get to be angry because you didn't get the girl. Being nice doesn't mean you should get people sucking you off 24/7.

I'm a nice guy, I am and I'm not going to be coy for the sake of modesty here. I'm nice, I'm friendly, I'm perhaps more than a little overconfident, I talk to everyone I meet and I make a LOT of friends doing it. I don't get 'friendzoned' for being nice. I have had girls that I was interested in say no, welcome to the world it happens. I've turned girls down before, even if they are really nice because I just don't feel that way about them, they lack the spark, I don't want a relationship with them. I'M ALLOWED TO DO THAT.

No one is entitled just because you're nice, a LOT of people are nice and the weirdest thing, the thing that always gets me about 'nice guys' getting 'friendzoned' is that the reason a lot of girls go for me (as they say it themselves) is because I am nice. Yeah seriously. I'm so nice girls want to go out with me. Go figure.
This is my idea of 'nice guys' and encapsulates why they get friendzoned. They're not nice people, they're just acting it up to get some and then bitching whenever they get refused, it's pathetic and it's childish:
http://xkcd.com/513/
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrskhrpOs21qcz3izo1_500.png

 

[LilithSlave]

You know, it is the tendency for users here to be more skeptical about the friend zone idea, than a lot of websites on the internet.

Well, it helps my opinion of the Escapist a lot.

 

[Vault101]

Girls arn't the only people who friendzone. It's possible to JUST want to be friends with someone. I'm confused as to how everyone gets so angry about it, saying it's unfair. I've been friendzone'd. I'm not bitter, ain't her fault she doesn't wanna go out with me. But I've also been asked out by a friend, who I just wanted to be friends with, so that might have been the reason I was so accepting of it.

what is this? [i/]reason?[/i]

get out..you don't belong here

"women only date bastards"

random guess...IT crowd?

 

[Techno Squidgy]

Damn man you seem severely against the whole concept of the friendzone.
What I'm saying, is that the friendzone exists because girls continuously say how there are no good guys out there when the people who do meet all their specifications are ignored.
.

so what your saying its ENTIRLY a products of the girls...and not say....guys who instead of asking the girl they like out, they pretend to"be her freind" under the Idea that she somhow is obligated to share those feelings, or that he has "earned" her affections

oh and if a girl is going out with "as asshole"..

1. she probably doesnt know he's an asshole
2. she sees somthing in him you don't
3. he actually isnt an asshole thats just how your seeing him
4. he's hot and can fuck like a machine

Number 4 gave me a brilliant mental image of that guy from the new Dues Ex...

I agree with all of these.

As a guy I am guilty of doing what you described, I'd managed to convince myself that "relationships are supposed to develop out of friendships", but in reality I was just a coward.

And looking back on past experiences objectively, I can say that I've seen reasons 1 through 3 (especially 3 from my experience. I'm actually fairly good friends with the guy now that I've grown up a touch.) many times, and I can make a fairly reasonable assumption that the 4th has happened many a time. Seriously, the guy was a major twat and everyone (including her) thought he was. So I can only assume he was hung like a horse or something.

 

[Keoul]

snip

Thank you that was enlightening.

snip

1) god damnit I'm just saying that it exists because despite rejecting a guy the girl still gives him hope! If she rejects a guy then leave him the hell alone, don't go crying to him about how your boyfriend is an asshole.

2) I admit that metaphor seems a bit unlikely(okay very unlikely). But if 2 people like each other (both too shy to admit it), wouldn't this scenario be more plausible? Both sides ridiculously shy and afraid of rejection but not wanting to lose the great friendship they have now.
And that better not be a personal jab at me to "grow up". Age is meaningless it's all experience, old people are only perceived to be wiser because they've lived through more, doesn't mean a someone else couldn't go through the same thing and learn the same lesson at a younger age.
Jeez don't get this all personal with passive aggressive comments, doesn't make your argument any more valid, makes you less enjoyable to debate with too :L

This guy gets it..

pretty sure she's a girl, that or a gay male with an extreme insight on this subject

its not my fault if I'm freinds with a guy and it turns out "he really really wuvs me".....I don't HAVE to go out with him If I don't want to...who the fuck says I do?

 

[TJC]

Sick of these friendzone posts... really. If someone is still in the so-called friendzone, then he's in there of his own volition, clinging to some ridiculous hopes that continuous niceties will get him laid.
(I love the morpheus pic.)

If you only care about fucking rather than her well-being, you are not a friend and should be decent enough and go somewhere else. If you actually care about her well-being, you're not friend-zone'd, you are a friend.

Everything else is just being manipulative, dishonest and really quite douchey.


That being said, if she is a massive cocktease and keeps his attention with manipulations herself, it's slightly different but still speaks poorly for the guys because apparently they're unable to notice when they're being manipulated. Crappy people skillz are crappy

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

Well I'm just going to go with the neighsayers here since the legendary 'friend zone' has never occured to me or anyone I know.

Spoiler: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

Personally, I feel it is bullshit. It's a made up term for a made up place.

You can totally put friend coins into me.

Ummm... Okay, not to be indelicate about this, but...

Where's the coin slot?

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

Well I'm just going to go with the neighsayers here since the legendary 'friend zone' has never occured to me or anyone I know.

Spoiler: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

Personally, I feel it is bullshit. It's a made up term for a made up place.

You can totally put friend coins into me.

Ummm... Okay, not to be indelicate about this, but...

Where's the coin slot?

Finding it is half the fun

 

[Vault101]

1) god damnit I'm just saying that it exists because despite rejecting a guy the girl still gives him hope! If she rejects a guy then leave him the hell alone, don't go crying to him about how your boyfriend is an asshole.

.....they guy is responsible for his own emotional well being, if it hurts him that much to be around her, then he shouls move on (but not be a dick about) mabye she can be mindful of talking about bf..but to be honest if its at that stage then its really awkward anyway

[quote/]2) I admit that metaphor seems a bit unlikely(okay very unlikely). But if 2 people like each other (both too shy to admit it), wouldn't this scenario be more plausible? Both sides ridiculously shy and afraid of rejection but not wanting to lose the great friendship they have now.
And that better not be a personal jab at me to "grow up". Age is meaningless it's all experience, old people are only perceived to be wiser because they've lived through more, doesn't mean a someone else couldn't go through the same thing and learn the same lesson at a younger age.
Jeez don't get this all personal with passive aggressive comments, doesn't make your argument any more valid, makes you less enjoyable to debate with too :L
][/quote]

what your talking about there is a very specific situation which I dont think is related to the "freand zone" issue as a whole

my only insight in the matter comes from me wondering "hold on..how is this my fault?" funny thing is I have pretty much 0 experience with any of this

 

[Luftwaffles]

Guy likes girl
Puts on the "moves" so to speak
Girl doesnt respond
Guy thinks no news is good news
Girl gets partner
Guy feels that all his "hard work" bore no fruit

friendzone yes?

Complimentary

 

[Keoul]

snip

I just used your quote for a retort to the all knowing evilthecat.
Said you were a guy, that's about it.

 

[Padwolf]

To be honest, a lot of the time this occurs when a guy is attracted to a girl but doesn't say anything about it to her, and is just nice to her. Not the girl's fault, the guys should say something, yes I understand that it can be difficult and nerve wracking. And also sometimes girls don't want a guy that will wait on her hand and foot, they want a guy who will be her equal, someone who won't worship her in the hopes that she will like him back. And sometimes the girl does want to just be friends. Girls and men can be friends! It doesn't defy the laws of the universe.

Sometimes it is the girl's fault, for some girls can be bitchy and enjoy the power of dangling a guy on a string just because she can. And also men do it to girls too. Men are not alone in this. It's all about having the guts to go ahead and say you fancy someone, and if they don't return your feelings, then you can move on and find another in time.

 

[Terminal Blue]

1) god damnit I'm just saying that it exists because despite rejecting a guy the girl still gives him hope! If she rejects a guy then leave him the hell alone, don't go crying to him about how your boyfriend is an asshole.

As others have said, if someone can't deal with it they shouldn't willingly deal with it.

If you ask someone out and they reject you and you still want to be friends with them, you can't expect them to put their whole life on hold while you get over it.

Also, just because someone tells you their partner is an arsehole doesn't mean they mean it, people say things when they're upset which aren't worth taking literally. There is generally a reason why people get into a relationships, sometimes (very occasionally) its on false pretences and the other person turns out to be not who you thought they were, but that's actually fairly rare. Nine times out of ten when someone insistently tells you their partner is an arsehole (or a *****) or whatever it's because they're still attracted to them, it's actually a clear sign of not being over someone.

Because when you're over someone, you no longer care.

In the few cases when someone does turn out to be truly, truly horrible, people don't generally talk about it.

2) I admit that metaphor seems a bit unlikely(okay very unlikely). But if 2 people like each other (both too shy to admit it), wouldn't this scenario be more plausible? Both sides ridiculously shy and afraid of rejection but not wanting to lose the great friendship they have now.

Yeah, it's possible.. happened to me once in high school.

But then it's not really the friendzone, is it? It's a cautionary tale about shyness and trust.

And that better not be a personal jab at me to "grow up".

It wasn't, but I'll answer the point.

This isn't about "wisdom" or "experience", it's about a sense of perspective which only comes from developing emotional maturity. Take it from someone who was a horrendous shit in high school, people do change as they get older. You're right that some people change more than others or at different rates and some people do seem to never grow up, but for most people as they get older they find they have more perspective on their experiences. So hopefully, by the time you're in your 20s, when someone you like 'rejects' you it no longer feels so horrifically unfair and terrible, it just becomes something which happens, and you no longer need to provide explanations for it by delving into the dark world of the so-called "friend zone".

The people who can hold that perspective in high school are generally the ones people want to have relationships with, because they aren't going to degenerate into emotional wrecks if something goes wrong. They aren't going to require constant support. They aren't going to be possessive and clingy (at least, not in the same way). I'm not speaking from lack of experience, I was all of those things.. all of my high school relationships were horrible for the people I went out with, and I only got into relationships because I was predatory and had very low standards. I'm saying, don't be like me then, because given the choice between being like me then and being like me now, I'd always choose now.

"Growing up" in this regard is nothing to do with age, and certainly nothing to do with wisdom. I'm not advocating it because being ten years closer to death is so much cooler, I'm advocating that perspective because it's a lot less painful, and it opens up experiences you never thought you could have.

Pretty sure she's a girl, that or a gay male with an extreme insight on this subject

Fair enough.. I think "guy" is pretty gender neutral on the internet, but maybe that's just me.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I'm sure I'll get a lot of hate spewed at me for this, but whatever. This gets me very angry.

The friend zone does not exist. We didn't create anything. We can't even befriend guys nowadays without someone going, "OMG!!!11 Friendzoned!!11!"
What do you want us to do? Force ourselves to like you back?
If she doesn't find you relationship material, then she doesn't. Move on to someone who does. Surely there's men on here who have female friends they don't want to date?
Also if a guy keeps perusing for her affection and she regularly turns him down, he has no one to blame but himself.

Just because a guy thinks he's nice, doesn't mean we think he's nice.
Just because he think the guys we go for are pricks, doesn't mean they are pricks. Most of the time they call them pricks out of jealousy.
Maybe some girls do go for pricks. But then a lot of guys I know go for skinny, slutty, dumb girls. I don't ***** because I know there's someone out there who would like a girlfriend like me.

On a final note, I can't speak for all women; but seeing men ***** about the friend puts me right off. It's just a stupid generalisation about women.

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

I'm sure I'll get a lot of hate spewed at me for this, but whatever. This gets me very angry.

I think the majority agree with you, it's just a few prople who genuinely have a misguided approach, or these:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy