Question to girls who've suffered from body image 'issues'

[Damien Black]

While I am male, I could probably be diagnosed with borderline anorexia. Speaking from experience, nothing really helps on the grander scheme of things. Being told that you are "thin" only makes you appreciate the person saying it, but not believe it to be true. The problem is that if you firmly believe that there is an issue with your weight, it's remarkably easy to dismiss everyone, up to and including professionals, as simply not understanding your concerns.

Whatever you do, don't say she has a "healthy" weight. That's just perceived as "you are not as skinny as society tells you that you should be and I'm not going to lie about it."

Really though, I would recommend just expressing non-physical things you appreciate about her when she's actively being upset, and complimenting her looks with delicacy and being non-insistent about it. Getting into an argument rarely makes anyone feel better, especially if you're arguing over your sincerity in a compliment.

 

[Yopaz]

Well apparently I am very good at self esteem boosting. It's all about the kind of issue and the person.

Take anorexia, you wont fix that by telling the person that they need to eat more, or that they are too skinny. Research indicates that starving yourself may actually cause problems with how your mind works causing you to get stuck in a vicious cycle where the skinnier you are the fatter you think you are.

Personally I have had some issues with anorexia ever since high school, but I have managed a balance that works for me. I have accepted the fact that I am a fat disgusting blob and that a large belly is the only thing I see when I look down. It's not a healthy way of dealing with the problem and I wouldn't recommend it, but it makes it possible for me to have a BMI of 20 rather than 16 which was what I had when I graduated from high school. My rational part tells me I'm not fat, but no matter how smart that part is nothing can really fix it.

Be a nice guy, give compliments, be supportive and be honest. Without knowin any more details why you're asking I can't really give any better advice.

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

snip

You're right, stereotypes are rarely accurate, but it's a system that still influences the decisions we make.

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

While I am male, I could probably be diagnosed with borderline anorexia. Speaking from experience, nothing really helps on the grander scheme of things. Being told that you are "thin" only makes you appreciate the person saying it, but not believe it to be true. The problem is that if you firmly believe that there is an issue with your weight, it's remarkably easy to dismiss everyone, up to and including professionals, as simply not understanding your concerns.

Basically this, once it's in your head, it's nearly impossible to get it out.

This just got me thinking about something. So this might be hijacking a bit but, if you liked a guy and he didn't respond to your flirting, or what have you, would you think it's because of how you looked? I ask because I think I might have made someone feel bad. I know I'm a dick.

ehhhmm, for me, I'd either assume that I'm annoying or that he isn't into me. But I think it's rather subjective.

 

[dex-dex]

other women not having so much hate towards each other.
I will admit that I was awkward with social situations and dressed what I liked and I had girls tell me that I was not skinny enough to wear them. I also had this really blonde curly hair that a lot of girls said looked weird.
it was more girls just being mean to feel better about themselves.
nothing a guy telling me will make me feel better. I know that I need to find it for myself. also everyone has things they do not like about themselves. It is just how you deal with it.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

What if you were to say, ?I?d fuck you?, or ?I?ve wanked over you before?? Would that help?

Obviously, that?s ridiculously simplistic and, at best, a temporary ?fix?, but I?m just trying to get more into the mind of a woman, because this kind of shit fascinates me, for whatever reason. No offence.

Why can't men have body issues?

They do. Some fat guys do. Some pimply guys do. I do, but probably not as much as a lot of girls, though.

 

[Harley Q]

I keep getting told that I need to lose weight, I'm a UK size 10-12. Yesterday I mentioned that I've lost a stone since april and straight away my family responded with "you just need to lose one more now" "your thighs are a bit chunky" "you really need to lose the back fat" etc etc.

As a result of this I'm not very good at receiving compliments. Plus actions speak louder than words. Unless you're screaming them .... :/

 

[Combustion Kevin]

I'm usually to women who have a bit more attitude to em, kind of like a "one of the guys" kinda vibe.
tom-boyish, you could say.

I once made the mistake of saying: "I didn't go for you for your looks, I went for your kickass personality.".
you can disregard everything after the comma though, because I didn't get to finish that sentence and had to dodge shit.

still, I've seen both my sisters break down over body-issues, and I find it depressing that so many people (not JUST girls) get so worked up over such a vapid virtue as prettiness.
at least, I don't find it very important.

 

[mechashiva77]

Why don't we just make this a body issues in general thread? Guys, tell me, I'm curious about what body issues you have. (I'm legitimately curious and not being sarcastic here. Sorry if I did)

 

[Damien Black]

Why don't we just make this a body issues in general thread? Guys, tell me, I'm curious about what body issues you have. (I'm legitimately curious and not being sarcastic here. Sorry if I did)

I'm 6 feet tall and weigh around 135 pounds.

Like I indicated, I'm borderline Anorexic. The only way I keep myself from starving is by forcing myself to stay within a very narrow range of numbers on the scale, even though I look in the mirror and still feel like a fat and pathetic loser.

 

[Wadders]

Why don't we just make this a body issues in general thread? Guys, tell me, I'm curious about what body issues you have. (I'm legitimately curious and not being sarcastic here. Sorry if I did)

I'll bite

I'm 6 foot 2 and weigh between 10 and 11 stone, so I'm one lanky mofo. I don't have an eating disorder I'm just naturally skinny, but its something I'm pretty insecure about. In all fairness with the right diet and work out I could probably gain weight, but I doubt I will fill out naturally like I was told.

I try to dress well, buying slimmer fitting clothes from decent shops to make me look better and I think it works to an extent, but I'd sstill say its an issue that causes me a fair deal of concern, both health and confidence wise.

 

[mechashiva77]

I'm 6 feet tall and weigh around 135 pounds.

Like I indicated, I'm borderline Anorexic. The only way I keep myself from starving is by forcing myself to stay within a very narrow range of numbers on the scale, even though I look in the mirror and still feel like a fat and pathetic loser.

I'm 6 foot 2 and weigh between 10 and 11 stone, so I'm one lanky mofo. I don't have an eating disorder I'm just naturally skinny, but its something I'm pretty insecure about. In all fairness with the right diet and work out I could probably gain weight, but I doubt I will fill out naturally like I was told.

I try to dress well, buying slimmer fitting clothes from decent shops to make me look better and I think it works to an extent, but I'd sstill say its an issue that causes me a fair deal of concern, both health and confidence wise.

It's funny, both of you have the same physique as my boyfriend. He thinks he's too skinny too, but as long as he's not on the verge of dying I like him as he is. Still if he wanted to gain weight I wouldn't stop him.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

Why don't we just make this a body issues in general thread? Guys, tell me, I'm curious about what body issues you have. (I'm legitimately curious and not being sarcastic here. Sorry if I did)

I'm a guy who's 5'4" (165 cm or so for any non-American folks) tall and hovers around 110 lbs (about 50kg).

I got the double whammy of short and skinny. I've never had any sort of problem eating, and it's really not that big of a deal to me. Still, I do wish I was able to gain a bit more weight..and I also wish I was a little bit taller considering most guys I know around my age are at least several inches taller than me.

So really, my issues are pretty minimal but they're still kinda there, I guess.

 

[SaetonChapelle]

Not that I'm an expert, but as far as I'm aware there really isn't much of anything that will make a girl, or boy in many cases, feel good about themselves if they've already got the idea in their head. I've had plenty of people as me out and inform me I'm attractive, but that doesn't deter from the fact that I feel as if I'm not a very pretty girl, or that I'm good enough for someone of whom I view as very attractive.

I wasn't a "large" child, but I had a few pounds. I hit puberty, and suddenly lost all the weight. However I'm not as fit as I would like to be. I would love to tone myself more, and that's something I need to do for myself. Still short though... Bummer. Oo

 

[Worgen]

Nothing anyone can ever say will make a girl feel comfortable in her own body. "You look good/great/similar comments" doesn't help, as we think people are lying or actually outright insulting us. "Oh, you've lost weight!" is so loaded I don't even need to go there. "You need to/You should ______" ... again, loaded.

I can't think of anything anyone has ever said that doesn't make you question their motives and makes you uncomfortable.

Never mention looks, honestly. "You are an amazing person" would work. Don't highlight specific body parts either, because it makes us think you're trying to find some way to compliment us and are avoiding an outright compliment. Sometiems even calling a girl smart will make us think "they're saying that because I'm ugly."

... You can't win, really. Sorry.

Yep. Got it in one.

I've heard people say "Compliment a girl a thousand times and she won't believe you. Insult her once and she'll never forget it."
That seems to be the case, sadly.

It's only really you that can tell yourself that you aren't as bad as you think. People complimenting you help, but in the end it's your choice.
I've more or less grown out of my body issues (I could worry how big my ass is, but I'm more worried about if I have the money to pay my bills this month) but it does come back with a vengeance sometimes and anything can set it off.

Usually a compliment off someone I love sorts me out.
Be very careful what you say to women though. Anything slightly bad can and will be used against you.

Ugh, I want to stab whoever told women that having a big butt is a bad thing in the face. Big butts are awesome, end of story.

 

[Cheesus Crust]

*takes out pen and paper to make notes for future relationships*

Don't mind me, folks. *cough*

Caught me off guard, hahahaha nice one.

 

[DanDanikov]

Why can't men have body issues?

They do. Some fat guys. Some pimply guys do. I do, but probably not as much as a lot of girls, though.

Going by other posts, I'm the exception to the rule- I'm on the fat/pimply side of life- 6 foot tall, pushing 320 pounds. I didn't like it when I was 280, tried to tell myself I was just muscular, heavily built, and had a bit of a paunch. Not so easy now. Add to that extensive scarring to most of my torso from years of severe acne which still hasn't just 'gone away'.

What makes it hardest is a lot of it I can and do hide. The scarring? Wouldn't notice it even on a summer day. The weight? I don't have fat rolling off my ankles or anything like that- my big belly and excess weight hides behinds hard to find, but well fit, jeans and good fashion sense (wear shirts when possible, never a round-neck, never tuck it in unless you have to, and if you have to, get a jacket or waistcoat on top). It's swimming that's the hardest- about the only form of exercise that covers most of the body without taxing someone with weight issues.

Oh, and intimacy. You gotta love yourself for that. I guess I can't fully lay claim to having crippling body issues because I do have a bit of a stiff British upper lip and I'll fake it. There is something rewarding to acting like you don't give a shit and you love yourself how you are, no matter what that is. Most people I'd tell that and I'm sure they'd believe me.

It isn't true, though- I just can't face it, is the truth, and acting like that means I don't have to face it. It's not healthy, it's not getting better or even staying the same- it's getting worse. There's a growing chance it'll kill me way before my 'time'. That's what makes it a real body issue- being incapable of facing something that might kill you because you can't stand thinking about the reality of your body.

What someone says about my body isn't going to fix that. At best, they can make me feel like they love me for me, despite my body, but fixing my body issues is not in the realm of compliments or one-off feel-better conversations.

 

[5ilver]

I'm a guy but I did have body image issues some years ago. (I guess guys aren't supposed to have those? idk)

What I would have liked to hear more than anything else "I want to help you."
Seriously, you have no idea how difficult it is to find help or reliable information when you want to lose weight. And my heart goes out to those that can't because of an illness.

As far as compliments, they seem pretty worthless to me. Whether it was back when I looked like shit or now, as I look decent, they seem unnecessary and shallow. If something is true, chances are the man/woman already knows it's true and doesn't need you saying it. If it's not, lying is even more pointless.

But if you just want to make a woman feel good, give her a massage (not necessarily the erotic kind). Far, far more effective smile-creator than all the compliments in the world.