Quotes from your own life

[II2]

INSTANCE #1

Ex and I are at resort for her sisters wedding, in hotel room.

I: "So... did you bring any drugs?"

Ex: "Of course, why wouldn't I?"

I: "People do strange things when frightened."

We lol'd

......

INSTANCE #2

Talking to a life-long mate who told me he's planning on marrying his girlfriend and ultimately having kids some day.

I: "Are you REALLY sure you want to have a kid, man? I mean... it's gonna be such a *NOOB*."

He lol'd

 

[Verlander]

It's not profound or anything, but I have a hatred of Cheryl Cole... which came out when someone said to me "yeah, but she's fit though"

My reply?

"She isn't though, she's like a rottweiller that's had it's makeup put on by a pebble dasher. And she speaks like a rottweiler who learned English from a drunk geordie budgie. And I'll hazard that she smells like a rottweiler that's been rolling around in the freshly broken waters of a chav who's giving birth to triplets live on Jeremy Kyle"

 

[Ghengis John]

"Wikipedia works because while there are a plethora of ways to be wrong about something, there is only one way to be right."

I kind of take umbrage with that. You can be right and still make yourself understandable by the average person. A lot of articles on wikipedia fail in comparison to a professionally written encyclopedia article because they seem to be intent on boring the reader, bogging them down with jargon, or giving the writer a chance to show off how smart or snobbish they are.

That said, not a great or profound quote but his one came from me when I snapped at a bully, mind you at this point he was pinned with his hand behind his back in front of a crowd of people:

"Now I like you, in fact I'd like to think that we could be friends. But you see the thing of it is, friends respect one another. So when I ask you to stop that shit and you don't, you're not showing me a whole lot of respect. Now, if I let you go are you going to stop that shit, or do I have to break your arm?"

He was scared of me from that day forward. Yay.

 

[son_of_khorne]

"If its not flammable, I'm not drinking it."
"Weed-Killer... THE DRINK OF KINGS!!!"
"Fetch me the chemicals... I HAVE IDEAS!!".

Also I say weird things when mildly irritated by people such as:
"I'll rape your spine!"
"I'll Shit in your veins!"
"I'll Throttle you with your own entrails!"

 

[Professor James]

It is popular to hate things that are popular

-Professor James
The Trend Paradox

 

[Saltyk]

I was getting an eye exam a few years ago and the assistant asked me to read the chart without glasses or contacts.
I looked at her and said, "Okay, do you see the big 'E'?"
She confirmed that she did.
I replied, "Well, I don't. I just know its there."

 

[Zechnophobe]

Oh, another good one, from a friend of mine:

"Non-toxic does NOT mean tasty."

Oh, and the best real reason I ever didn't go to work:

"I went to the hospital... but it was on Fire."

 

[Daverson]

Well, you see, I would be veggie, but, well, lemme pitch it to you... some animals, they're carnivores, they eat meat and stuff, fair dos, fair dos - now, some animals, they're herbivores, so they only eat plants and stuff. Which is ok, if into into that thing, but me, you see, I eat everything! I'm an Om-nom-nom-nivore!

Paraphrasing something I said a while back, but if you say something twice, but differently, you can use them both as quotes - it also confuses these people who try to get quotes right too - cunning, no?

(Also, it was before COD4, I mean - "Om-nom-nom-nipotent", that has nothing to do with eating! Fucking hell, if you're going to steal my quotes, at least do it in a way that makes sense... I haven't actually played it, but I've been told that appears ingame... somehow... don't see what omnipotence has to do with shooting stuff... if they're going the whole "Godlike" thing, UT did it first...)

 

[Tartarga]

Me: "Hey."
Friend: "Yeah?"
Me: "Flaming Lesbians."
Friend: "...Yes."

 

[Icaruss]

"If its not flammable, I'm not drinking it."

Also I say weird things when mildly irritated by people such as:
"I'll rape your spine!"
"I'll Shit in your veins!"
!"

Ha thats the stuff man i'm stealing those two.

oh and

co-worker durning an arguement

HIM-you F##### #######

Me- um.. no actually,you seem to have me confused with your your father, though i could see how you would think that as we're both putting the spars to your mom.(he threw a punch and got fired Yea!!! and no it did't land)

 

[Raven's Nest]

"How can we teach our children the difference between right and wrong, whilst we fight amongst ourselves over what's good and what's bad?" - Me

I've been waiting for an opportunity to see if anyone agrees... Thoughts?

 

[Saviordd1]

Ever say something... and immediately thought 'man, if I was famous, that would be a well known quote!'

Er, well I do, but I'm horribly conceited. Share yours, but here's mine:

1) "Believing in a jealous God is like having an imaginary friend... who doesn't like you."

2) "Wikipedia works because while there are a plethora of ways to be wrong about something, there is only one way to be right."

3) more recently "Sometimes I'm not pretty. And when I'm not, I don't want to listen to pretty music."

And you?

"If we're made in gods image why arent we invisible?"

"My names Alex, and I just kicked you in the balls, have a nice day"

"That could work, in theory, but Snake oil worked in theory too, so, maybe not"

 

[Kraj]

Definitely have a few catch phrases my friends know me for, but this one is my favorite.
1) Everyone has a life to attend to.

 

[Stammer]

Also I say weird things when mildly irritated by people such as:
"I'll rape your spine!"
"I'll Shit in your veins!"
"I'll Throttle you with your own entrails!"

lol! That sounds like something the Red Man would say from Def Jam: Fight for New York. I use his two taunting lines all the time (though I know this isn't from me, but whatever)

"I'm gonna take out your eyes, put 'em on my knees and call you Knee-See!"

"I'm gonna rip out your tongue and lick my ass with it!"

 

[LostAlone]

'I'm gunna watch Jeeves and Wooster and touch myself... while they may be concurrent, they are unrelated'

The best I ever head probably was from a guy called Kenny who had a habit of saying retardedly offensive things. One time he said: 'Well that's why Africa is so fucked up... They don't know shit about shit... They should wipe the flies off their face and get a fucking job' which made me laugh SO hard at the time, just for just how brokenly racist it was.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Upward climbs to success are great, but downward spirals of destruction are way more fun.

 

[Tree709]

-"you fool, you've angered the far side gods!" (one of my high school teachers shouted that at me in the middle of class)
-"I'll never be beaten by a cupcake!"

 

[night_tiger9]

one of my friends said to a bully after i knocked the bully down

"when will you learn? you don't F*ck with him!"