Real men...

[A random person]

Real men shit tigers. So far I've only managed vicious housecats and the occasional Bobcat, though.

 

[02y211]

But, since you mentioned it: When did sexual equality become "hippie bullshit"?

It always was!

 

[shadyh8er]

Real men watch Lucky Star and K-On!, the anime about the manly men doing manly things.

Pfft. Child's play! Real men watch Princess Tutu!

(And I'm watching Fruits Basket right now).

 

[Leemaster777]

Real men eat danger and shit bullets.

Real men wipe their asses with the subscription renewal cards in Playboy.

Real men shave their faces with a lawnmower.

But most of all, real men wear pink. Just ask Vegeta:

 

[Something Amyss]

Eat whole cows raw.

 

[Icarion (aka Stockholm)]

Real men take offense to men being "civilized" then wrestle then and all their friends, while each of his opponents is riding a bear.

 

[ZeLunarian]

A regular guy asks a cowboy:

How can I be a real man?

The cowboy asks: What do you wipe your ass with?

The guy: toilet paper.

C: You'll never be a real man.

One week later, the guy comes back, walking like a Mafioso.

G: Will you now tell me how to be a real man?

C: What do you wipe your ass with?

G: Office paper.

C: You'll never be a real man.

Another week later, the guy is back again, walking like a cowboy.

G: So, can I be a real man now?

C: What do you wipe your ass with?

G: Sand paper.

C: You'll never be a real man.

Yet another week later, the guy is back again and he walks like the baddest bad guy.

G: So, now, satisfied now? I'm da man now.

C: And what do you wipe your ass with?

G: Fucking barb wire.

C: You'll never be a real man.

G: What the fuck does a real man wipe his ass with?

C: A real man never wipes his ass.

Here I was thinking, real men don't need to ask if they are real men~
So guys, real men don't neglect hygiene...
Real men don't exactly trim their nose hairs tho >.>

 

[FFHAuthor]

Real men don't use condoms, instead they merely have someone kick them in the balls every morning with their coffee.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

Real men don't chop down trees. They GNAW them down.

When a real man has a bandage on his neck, you know that he bit himself shaving.

Real men don't fire buckshot at deer. Real men THROW RABID WOLVERINES at deer.

Real men don't get sick. They permit pathogens to invade for a short time in order to strengthen their immune systems.. then flush them out with PURE TESTOSTERONE.

Real men don't crush beer cans on their foreheads. Real men crush beer KEGS on their foreheads.

A real man isn't afraid to talk about his feelings. They're just very likely to be feelings about sports.

Some men wrestle bears and build houses out of trees. Real men wrestle trees and build houses out of bears.

 

[The_Spirit_of_Epic]

real men hug cute kittens and puppies and name them manly names like Butch and Clyde

 

[Udyrfrykte]

Fight bears with just a knife.

... And yes, some russians actually do that.

 

[Nieroshai]

Real men say "are you on your period?" When the missus is giving them hell.

Go on, try it, I dare you.

Actually I did. And she settled down, too.

I say this and, surprise, this usually causes her to calm down. Mostly because she was on her period and me saying this made her remember she can be stronger than her hormones.
Also...


Real manly men eat kibble in beer instead of cheerios in milk!

 

[Cavouku]

Fight bears with just a knife.

... And yes, some russians actually do that.

John West doesn't use a knife, he just wants his damn salmon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVS1UfCfxlU

 

[Vykrel]

Real Men are secure in their masculinity, and thus don't feel the need to come up with ridiculous statements to shore up outmoded gender stereotypes.

real men dont say sissy crap like that.

lol jk

 

[OakTaooper]

Real men understand the laws of quantum mechanics, calculus, and check The Escapist thrice daily.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Real Men wear pink.

EDIT: And arent egoistical jackasses with an insercurity and unnecessary need to overcompensate for their short comings.

Dont ask Vegeta, he wont know what you're talking about. XD

 

[jacx]

real men dont shit bricks
they shit buildings

 

[HellsingerAngel]

Real men go missing for 12 years and when they finally show back up (or are promised to), all the pussies jizz their pants in anticipation.

Well, I don't think anyone will top that.

Close second:

real men:
1. are men
2. have the speed of a coursing river
3. Have the force of a great typhoon
4. have the strength of a raging fire
5. are mysterious as the dark side of the Moooon.

My pathetic attempt:

Real men hunt large animals like bears with only a stick. And the stick is only used to smack the damn thing to wake it the hell up!

 

[BabyRaptor]

Real men say "are you on your period?" When the missus is giving them hell.

Go on, try it, I dare you.

That one doesn't work on me, because my birth control stops mine. I get tons of funny looks when I announce I never have them, though.

 

[Choppaduel]

... have XY chromosomes.