relationship/ being single rants

[Cowabungaa]

Eh, I really can't be bothered to rant. For some reason I seem to be invisible to girls, even when I try to get noticed. I honestly couldn't tell you why. I usually have a pretty sunny disposition, I can talk and listen very well and I don't look too bad either, if I may say so myself.

I mean sure, I get it why most girls get turned off on me after they really get to know me, with my geeky interests and all, but no one seems to give a damn about me even before that stage. Really, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I honestly don't.

And honestly, I'm getting lonely as well. I've been okay with the single thing for quite some time, but seeing people hook up around me... It stings, really. I want the warmth it brings, the companionship, knowing that someone really loves you for the person you are. But that seems too much to ask.

I'm just curious, if relationships anger you so much, why do you post in every relationship thread on here?

Because keeping quiet and not posting guarantees that we'll see more relationship threads. I'm trying to disrupt and derail relationship threads in such a way that people will see how badly they went and not post more of them. Ignoring them means that better threads get displaced so that people can blather on about their romances.

Awful excuse, because you know just as well as I do that it doesn't help one little bit. I don't even think I have to explain why.

For some reason you just seem to really want to rub your own nose in what you think of yourself. Mental self-flagellation, as it were, making what you tell of yourself a self-fulfilling prophesy. You're sabotaging yourself, and you think you deserve it. A man's mind can be oh so very odd.

Never 'officially' had a girlfriend, but I've had... things that make putting quotes around officially acceptable. Not sure the best way to describe it w/o going into detail (which I won't).

Anyway, my girl-related circumstances can be summed up very simply: Girls like me, then I go herp derp.

Level of satisfaction with current situation: good enough for now.

My friend, this is The Escapist. We've seen raunchier topics. No need to be afraid to announce you had one night stands and fuckbuddies.

Give me a socially awkward pale ass gamer boy with a little stubble and I'll take that over your stereotypical douche any day and be 10 times happier than any other girl with one of them

...

Girls like that are supposed to be myths, y'know. At least over here they are. Ahhh the delights of the countryside.

 

[McMullen]

she was then convinced by her friends that i was some sort of closet rapist and they got one of her guy friends to get me to back off THAT pissed me off so even if she was interested i was no longer

So that actually happens? I picture something like that taking place every time I consider asking someone out. Doesn't help that I have problems making eye contact or smiling at people, which my friends have told me occasionally makes others nervous.

 

[Alexei Do'Urden]

I'm a geek girl who had similar experiences to most people here for all of middle school/junior high and most of high school. Liked some guys, tried in my socially awkward way to let them know, was friendzoned and treated as 'one of the guys'. School dances just exist to torture people I swear. But I decided that I would never date somebody who I didn't honestly think I could have a relationship with, so I held off even when I possibly had the option a couple times. Ended up with some creepy stalkers who either tried to annoy or guilt me into dating them, but wasn't having any of that. BUT then I met a guy at my Dungeons and Dragons group who was funny and cute, and we became friends, stayed that way for many months... and becoming a couple just sort of happened. I think that really the whole idea that if you're friends with someone then you've assed up is stupid. For a relationship to work you've got to be friends first, I mean for every day of doing couple stuff there's the rest of the week of just being friends, nothing but kisses and roses can't be sustained across several months. I've been with my boyfriend over 2 years now, I used to be desperate for a boyfriend and sure something was wrong with me but now I tell my friends... try to just wait and let it happen. My boyfriend had a brief relationship with another girl before me that was mostly just based on feeling like he should have one, and he deeply regrets it now. Having a boyfriend is great, but also includes fights and a lot of time and effort. Just enjoy doing whatever you want, and eventually someone will come along, and it'll just happen. And for god's sake, I understand how it seems, but if you're 16 or 18 or whatever you've got PLENTY of time left to find someone, don't go panicking just because the popular kids get a new girlfriend every week. Those relationships mean nothing, if you want something real you've just got to be patient.

 

[Captain_Fantastic]

well in order to clear up some of the parts of my story yeah the girl i was friendzoned by is currently my best female friend so close we litterally call each other brother and sister on occasion. and yeah i have come to terms with the entire being single thing but this just comes back to haunt me sometimes. mostly because of the first one of them (the one that moved away after three days) was.... well the first person who seemed genuinely interested i was 16 at the time so the sheer fantasy of it had me hooked. and finally the town where i live is a small canadian boom bust town and we have plenty of people moving here (and out of here) from places like south africa where the second girl is from. and the friends that convinced her i was the closet rapist are also from there they apparently all knew eachother before they moved here so none of them really knew my history, i was the odd child without any close friends before the seventh grade and i got into plenty of fights in the past because of this but on the other hand i am a big guy 6'1 200 some pounds (NOT ALL FAT im built kind of like a football player) and my choice of fashion could be kind of intimidating ie: leather coat,baggy jeans,large grad ring,long hair,nicely trimmed beard, but its the fact that she judged me on what she was told rather than what she knew that pissed me off and the fact she got somebody else to tell me to back off
{also sorry for bad punctuation i failed english for a reason}

 

[Chiiru]

I've pretty much accepted the fact I'll probably be single most of my life, but the only thing that's bothered me (lately, lol) is the fact a guy friend of mine recently started dating this lady (he's around 30ish, I believe, first gf even), and now they're engaged. After what, 2 months of dating? So, I get the selfish "Why not me, too? Why can't I be that lucky?"

Just one of those things. I'm over it. I promise. lol.

 

[Alexei Do'Urden]

Funny, I'm a small town Canadian too It is hard to be in that bubble where if you don't like any of the people your age your options are pretty limited... but eventually you'll move out, or get a car, and your options will expand. For me it was a half hour drive there and back to DnD. Better to wait and find a good match then to try and make somebody who isn't really right fit- even if you make it work for a while it'll end in bitterness later. I know a guy who was very eager with any girl who'd date him, shy and everything, and he was head over heels every time... but it always ended in a breakup and he was more depressed than when he started.

 

[ServebotFrank]

You know some of you guys could get a girlfriend if you try talking to them and asking them out, "Hey would you like to do *insert activity here* this Friday night?" It's not rocket science girls generally like guys who are confident enough to ask. Depressed guys are generally not well desired to due the girls probably having to look after them rather then the other way around.

By the way the whole, "No girls love me" thing? You know the ladies LOOOOVEEE that attitude right?

 

[Jonluw]

Never been in a relationships.
I've had a few girls flirt with me, but I'm horrible at picking up on it, and even when I do realize they're flirting I don't know if I should reply or how I should reply. I think girls initially see me as attractive, then when they get to know me better, they are put off by my... Me-ness.

Even in cases where I think I might have a shot with a girl, I don't know with myself if I want to be in a relationship at all. I don't think I'd work very well in a relationship, seeing how I'm lazy and really appreciate my me-time. I think it's some sort of commitment-anxiety.

 

[Captain_Fantastic]

You know some of you guys could get a girlfriend if you try talking to them and asking them out, "Hey would you like to do *insert activity here* this Friday night?" It's not rocket science girls generally like guys who are confident enough to ask. Depressed guys are generally not well desired to due the girls probably having to look after them rather then the other way around.

By the way the whole, "No girls love me" thing? You know the ladies LOOOOVEEE that attitude right?

ive been doing that lol and here is where i am i fully understand acting all depressed is basically people repellant so i keep a smile on my face even occasionally when im pissed off and i blame nothing more than the small town i live in for my situation i could easily get a long distance thing going but i want somebody who i dont have to travel an hour to say hello to and the choice of people here is slim i could go with somebody so wrapped in small town drama that being near them causes rumors or somebody with slightly more depth than the bottlecap of a cheap beer

 

[LT Cannibal 68]

I think everybody who's ever read through a relationship thread in the last year and a half is familiar - too much so - with my story. I am a pretty foul person, very introverted, not very pleasant to be around and pretty immature to boot.

Well there's your problem right there. I'm no cross of Don Juan and Casanova, but you think you might try and be... you know. Not those things?

I tend to dominate conversations, and sometimes stop abruptly to try to do that "listening" thing which I hear women like. Despite that, women do not like me romantically.

How odd. So a foul, introverted, unpleasant and immature person who rambles on and on without giving others a chance to speak (at least that's what I get from the way you say it), does not suddenly become a walking panty removal utensil when he -abruptly, no less, as if to make it even more awkward- stops talking and does "that listening thing he hears women like"?
Very strange. It's as though every woman you've ever met is stark raving mad.

I understand their point of view; not only am I lacking in personality, but I don't have any future prospects which would make them stomach my appalling habits.

The plot thickens! So we have a foul, introverted, immature, bad conversationalist with lousy prospects for, I assume, earning money to put food on the table in the future, and yet somehow, women are not fighting in the streets to get to him first.

I think just about the only things which women have been attracted to me for are my appearance (which I actually don't understand, because I look awkward, childish and slightly asymmetrical) and the most ephemeral parts of my personality - the parts which can arrogantly talk about a subject for hours in a conversation-dominating fashion. Once they break the surface, women always go off me in all capacities except friendship.

Because if there's one thing everyone loves, it's listening to a self-absorbed windbag prattle on about something -arrogantly- for hours, with little to no chance to offer their own insights.
I know I cry myself to sleep because I don't have to listen to someone like that for hours every day.

In this capacity, it deeply upsets me that people give so much credence to love, romance and relationships, when it has proven so difficult - so far as to be literally impossible - to find a partner of my own. Every so often, I come to the (probably correct) conclusion that I'd be better off on my own, but society has ways of making the wounds deeper. Every love song I hear on the radio acquires a bitter undertone, like the writers are mocking me for being a loser. It's equally painful to see romance shoehorned into action movies, and I don't watch romantic comedies, because it's like hammering a stake through my chest. At this point, I've pretty much acknowledged that there will never be a woman for me, but I'd prefer if people weren't so bent on making me feel guilty and upset over it.

In my capacity, it deeply upsets me that you seem unable to grasp that it is very possible for anyone to find someone to love.
There's billions of us, there's dozens for everyone. If it's not her, it'll be her. Or her. or her. Or her. etc etc etc.

But you know the line from the movies? "It's not you, it's me"?
It IS you. Seriously, you have a pretty good grasp of what's wrong with you. Change it. It's not that bloody hard.
It's not impossible to find love, it is impossible to find love without making a few compromises.
I don't know exactly what you mean by, for example, pretty immature, but how hard can it be to not make dick jokes the first time you speak to a girl.
Same problem with unpleasant, that might mean anything from body odor to obsessive compulsive Hitler saluting. Again, either of those are easily solved by deodorant or simple not doing it.

But the big issue is you attitude.
Look at the way you phrased this for god's sake:

I am a pretty foul person, very introverted, not very pleasant to be around and pretty immature to boot. I tend to dominate conversations, and sometimes stop abruptly to try to do that "listening" thing which I hear women like. Despite that, women do not like me romantically.

SERIOUSLY?! You list every bad trait imaginable save host for an actual alien from Alien, then say you try to do -not even just do, no, you attempt, which implies you fail sometimes- that listening thing.
How about, instead of trying to do the listening thing, you attempt to be actually interested in what the other person has to say? If you're not, she's not the woman for you, and if you are, then what is the goddamn problem?
Then, you sound almost surprised when you say "despite that..."
Despite what? ANSWER ME!
Despite the fact you try to pretend you give a rat's ass about what they have to say? 'Cause that's what it sounds like dude.
That is literally the only "redeeming" quality you listed.

I'm gonna stop now because I'm gonna start hurling insults if I don't.
I leave you with this protip: You are the problem. But it is not insurmountable. Work on it.
Or, wallow in self pity and complain on the internet. That works too, I guess.

I'm gonna stop now because I'm gonna start hurling insults if I don't.
I leave you with this protip: You are the problem. But it is not insurmountable. Work on it.

It is insurmountable. I am beyond redemption. I simply do not have the mental fortitude or reasoning powers required to make myself a better person.

ok i have read this and i have to tell the guy who single handedly surgically took apart the post bravo sir you really hit the nail right on the head. and as for the "irredeemable" one if you don't have the mental fortitude to try to fix yourself up and improve yourself in a positive manner then maybe you shouldn't actually be dating at ALL. You remind me of my friend joe he is just like you described except he knows how to listen to women that is his one redeeming trait, but at least he fucking TRIES! One more thing don't blame society or romantic comedies for constantly reminding you how much you have failed in attracting the opposite sex blame yourself for not being able to make a positive change in your life, blame yourself for not having prospects, blame yourself for not knowing how to do "the listening thing". usually i offer kind words of advice to people when they have a hard time finding the right person, They often try their best to appeal to women/men but you don't seem to give a rat's ass about what THEY want or what THEY like. In closing you have to stop being such a self centered, arrogant and self pitying person because you have no one to blame but yourself.

 

[LT Cannibal 68]

well i've been single all of my life, but i recently met this girl who completely turned my world on it's ear she is special. I love spending time with her, we have very similar tastes in several things we have similar philosophies about life,love and relationships. Not to mention we have some of the same emotional wounds. I recently asked her out after completely spilling my heart out to her let me tell ya hearing her say "yes, just tell me when and where" brought about a feeling of joy i thought i never would feel again. I don't want her to be my GF just to be in a relationship, i want her to be my GF because she's special because she is unique, because she is one of a kind.

EDIT: sorry if my english is bad it is not my primary language but i'm trying to learn the ins and outs of it.

 

[Akyho]

A post? As i prove here http://www.krakowstudios.com/forum/showthread.php?t=436 A single post does not fit.

I have had two girl friends in the last 5 years. One ended naturaly we were 18 nothing was happening the relationship was stale we broke up. Second one got messy in the end and very bad.

How ever I have a long list of being bull shitted by girls for a loooooong time.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

I'm 22: never been in a relationship, never been on a date, still a virgin, and haven't had my first kiss yet. While it used to bother me greatly ("I must get a girlfriend!" and all that crap), but now I'm beyond caring. It just got to the point where I said to myself "I am getting so upset over the vague idea that all the romantic comedies have taught me that getting into a relationship is the most important thing in the world".

So, right now I'm perfectly content with being single. Really the thing that annoys me is everyone who goes "you don't know what you're missing out on!", or people who try to set me up with random friends they have (fortunately that doesn't happen to me often).

 

[Aetera]

My story? Well, you know that song, "The Only Gay Eskimo(In My Tribe)"? Replace "Eskimo" with "scrawny white chick" and "tribe" with "small town", and that is my life.

THAT IS MY LIFE. FFFFFFFffffff...

The only two girls that I've ever dated were both when I was in college. I am not in college anymore. I am in a tiny small town with only one main road going through it. I have yet to find a single other(not closeted) gay person here.
My last girlfriend was FOUR YEARS AGO. Fuck my life.

Not even Shane from The L Word would be able to find anyone to hook up with here. It is that bad.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

Seriously, i've only had one relationship and that was like 4 years ago. Being single isn't the worst thing to happen in the world. I have pledged to myself to not give a fuck about my relationship status, screw anyone who says otherwise. Life is much easier if you don't brood over things.

Being single gives you more time to do shit. I spend it on working (equals cash), working out (equals feeling good), partyíng, meeting friends and pursuing my hobbies. I whack off if i feel horny. If someone calls me out i say i'm in a threesome with alcohol and rap. They laugh and the situation is no longer akward.

Not to say i wouldn't be interested in a girl but life as a single isn't miserable.

 

[manofwar618]

If the OP doesn't mind, I'll use this page to vent a bit of my own frustration, because my friends are probably fed up to the back teeth of it. Just so you know a smidgen about me for context, I'm a 19 year old Englishman.

Eight months ago, while at university, I met a girl. She is perfect. She is beautiful, intelligent, funny, she's a gamer as well, she's cute, she's caring, and any other assortment of endearments that can be cobbled together into a sentance to describe someone you're blindly in love with. We've only met face-to-face a few times, but we've talked incessantly through skype, and we became quite close when I helped her through a break-up. All it takes is for me to see she's left me a message, or texted me, and my day instantly improves.

Only down side?
We were introduced by her girlfriend.

The hammering noise some of you may be able to hear would be me venting my frustration on a nearby brick wall by way of my forehead.

Without exposing too much of her personal life without her consent, she had been in relationships with men prior to meeting her girlfriend, and from what I could glean they were an assortment of cheats, scum and rogues, to keep the language clean. She said that it was part of the reason she started going out with women, was because all the men she knew seemed to be shiftless, feckless and emotionally stunted. And I tear myself up thinking as to how things could've been if only I'd met her before her girlfriend did. I'm not so stuffed up my own rectum as to think I'm flawless, but I would do anything for her.

I know that I shouldn't keep pressing my nose into the mincer on this, but there is quite literally NO ONE ELSE. I've not been in a relationship before, but I have had feelings for other girls before her, although not to this extent. And though certain people have told me to move on, there is no one to move on to. JUST TO MAKE THIS CLEAR, I'm not looking for advice or sympathy from the Escapist community, I just feel better for not having to keep emotions under wraps. Thanks for reading this.

I can entirely understand how you feel, but a bit in reverse. Being gay, this kind of thing happens to me a lot. You have a 10% chance of this happening, and it happened to you. However, I'm stuck with the 90% chance. It really sucks. I know exactly how you feel. My best friend is near perfect for me, except for the fact that he's straight. Now, I'm actively helping him find a girlfriend. It's a really sucky feeling. I don't think he'll ever care about me as much as I care about him. You should still feel lucky to have them as your friend, though. I know it really sucks, I'm going through it too. The only thing you can do is try to move on. There's no reason to waste your time trying to convince someone to date you when they have not even the slightest interest in your gender.

Even if you got to her before she started dating her girlfriend, she probably would have explained this to you eventually. She doesn't truly like men. I'm sorry, I know it sucks.

 

[JourneyThroughHell]

snip

My hat goes off to you, sir. You're this forum's knight in shining armour.

Because keeping quiet and not posting guarantees that we'll see more relationship threads. I'm trying to disrupt and derail relationship threads in such a way that people will see how badly they went and not post more of them. Ignoring them means that better threads get displaced so that people can blather on about their romances.

Shit, yeah, can't allow some people to be happy and share their happiness, can ya? I mean, it's not like you could possibly not click on the fucking threads.