Relationship Deal-Breakers

[ward.]

I guess smoking is my only deal breaker but I could probably work around it (or smack her upside the head).

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

I never knew there were such shallow people here, just not being able to connect to someone just because they don't read or don't like the same book, movie, etc as you? That's pretty pathetic.

The only deal breaker for me would be smoking or drugs, nothing else, there is no excuse for doing either and if they won't quit, not for me but for their own health, then they aren't worth "saving" and can smoke themselves into an early grave for all I care.

Slight off topic: I always say to my friends that those who say they don't go for a person initially based on looks is lying. For people we don't know you only have how they look to go on, so by that logic we all base our initial reactions and whether we're attracted to them or not based on their physical looks, so we're all shallow lol.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Hav

 

[hamster mk 4]

Liking the same stuff is great when getting to know someone but it is fairly trivial in long term relationships. Granted you will not get to a long term relationship if you decide you don't want to get to know some one based of movie/book preference.

What allows two people to get along is the understanding and acceptance of the other person's faults in exchange for the other person?s understanding and acceptance of your faults.

People's taste in movies change from year to year however if they just have to be right all the time and you can't stand that, a long term relationship is not going to happen. Alternately if they are a passive aggressive push over who agrees to everything then not so subtly fumes behind your back and you can't stand that, a long term relationship is not a good idea. I could compile a list but I have had life fairly easy relationship wise.

 

[Robyrt]

(Haven't read the whole thread...)

I've only experienced two real deal-breakers in terms of an actual relationship: Cheating and Religion. (If I didn't have so much disposable income, Finance would be a third one.) Both of those are fairly intractable problems, and I can count the number of people I know who have given up their stance on one of those to be with The Right Person on one hand.

As far as common interests go, the ideal match IMHO is someone who shares a couple of your interests but also has a few healthy disagreements. This way you have something to do together, and something to argue over

On the girl from the original post - the true warning sign is that they have no bookshelf. Regardless of how much you read on a daily basis, anyone with a college degree and half a brain should have acquired lots of literature that they'd want to keep around. It's difficult to have meaningful conversations with someone with no appreciation for art.

 

[Good morning blues]

One of my main deal breakers is super simple. Smoking. Done and gone, perhaps a one night stand and outta there.

And in fact, close minded people are a problem for me........

Sorry to pick this up dude, but that's pretty fucking shallow AND close minded. Like you can't have a relationship with a smoker. :S

Well, they DO stink.

And what about people who drink? Booze stinks just as much as smoke. In fact, thanks to the no smoking in bars law, you can smell how bad stale ale and sweat smells. Indoor concerts are awful now because you can smell everyone's ass as there's no smoke to hide it.

I honestly can't believe people would not enter a relationship with someone because of their simple CHOICE to smoke. WTF? Mini Hitler's or what!

1) Alcohol does not leave a lingering taste in your mouth, nor does it affect a person's general body odor.
2) I drink, and I'd really rather date somebody who will head out to the pub or have a couple of beers with me a couple of times a week.

Smoking isn't a total deal-breaker for me, but the girl's going to need to be pretty impressive to make up for it. Heavy smokers are probably going to be right out, since they have that stench surrounding them pretty much permanently. It's really, really unattractive.

 

[fix-the-spade]

The ultimate relationship breaker:

It's me or the X

I doesn't matter how much you think that person cares for you, if try and force them to stop doing the things they love, you are going to lose them.

1) Alcohol does not leave a lingering taste in your mouth, nor does it affect a person's general body odor.
2) I drink, and I'd really rather date somebody who will head out to the pub or have a couple of beers with me a couple of times a week.

1) Yes it does, also yes it does, more than you can imagine. You probably fail to notice because you smell of it too (assuming you've had a drink(s) when you kiss someone).
2) Sort of agree with you there, the social aspect is important but they don't need to drink alcohol.

 

[DannyDamage]

The ultimate relationship breaker:

It's me or the X

I doesn't matter how much you think that person cares for you, if try and force them to stop doing the things they love, you are going to lose them.

1) Alcohol does not leave a lingering taste in your mouth, nor does it affect a person's general body odor.
2) I drink, and I'd really rather date somebody who will head out to the pub or have a couple of beers with me a couple of times a week.

1) Yes it does, also yes it does, more than you can imagine. You probably fail to notice because you smell of it too (assuming you've had a drink(s) when you kiss someone).
2) Sort of agree with you there, the social aspect is important but they don't need to drink alcohol.

Awesome! Someone with some sense. Booze stinks! If you don't think it does, it's because you're a piss head.

IF you'd had enough experience on the field with girlfriends and what not you'd be able to compare the heavy drinking ex gf against the heavy smoking ex gf.

Yeah the smoker is harming herself with all the smoking, but at least you don't have to worry about that person drinking all the time WHICH CHANGES PERSONALITY! Smoking doesn't do that. I'm not saying 'don't date drinkers' I'm just trying to open a few eyes.

You're going on external features here chaps, not what's important (the bits in her head).

Some girls might not like how you sit around on your ass all day playing video games, getting sweaty, eating junk food, drinking loads but that's obviously not going to come into consideration in this debate is it? Just complaining about the smelly smoking girl mummy warned me about.

I understand that people are here to state their "deal-breakers" and I'm not taking the opportunity to shoot at everyone's comments. But most of you are making up crap that keeps you from making contact with anyone who isn't "perfect". (either in your mother's eyes or in the eyes of some crap info you've gotten from TV/games/film)

Some people have said legit reasons to not be with someone which is completely justified (cheating, growing apart, religious beliefs, abortion opinions, etc.) but to be so fickle and say no to someone because of something like smoking, all I can say is Keep it up and you will (deserve) to end up lonely.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

Some people have said legit reasons to not be with someone which is completely justified (religious beliefs, abortion opinions etc.) but to be so fickle and say no to someone because of something like smoking, all I can say is Keep it up and you will (deserve) to end up lonely.

Higher likelihood of health complications (heart, respiratory, etc), higher insurance premium, tar build up on home electronics, cigarette burns (person, clothing, belongings, etc), ash and smell of the home.

Despite all that I might date a smoker. However smoking is hardly a fickle variable.

EDITED Shortened quote and added "higher insurance premium"

 

[DannyDamage]

Some people have said legit reasons to not be with someone which is completely justified (religious beliefs, abortion opinions etc.) but to be so fickle and say no to someone because of something like smoking, all I can say is Keep it up and you will (deserve) to end up lonely.

Higher likelihood of health complications (heart, respiratory, etc), higher insurance premium, tar build up on home electronics, cigarette burns (person, clothing, belongings, etc), ash and smell of the home.

Despite all that I might date a smoker. However smoking is hardly a fickle variable.

EDITED Shortened quote and added "higher insurance premium"

Both my in-laws (to be) smoke, but they smoke outside. Their house smells fine. Their insurance isn't lowered that much either because they live in a "non-smoking" home. Again, smoking isn't the only thing people do that raises chance of health complications. It's just the popular one to go on and on about that now makes less money than drinking, fatty foods, sugary foods and so on.

Potential GF that smokes vs. potential GF that has a BIG credit card problem, gambling problem, eating problem. I know who'd I'd go for. But cheers for the comments, better than most people's "ewww smoking is dirty, I wouldn't go near her".

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Smo

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Fucking double post.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

Dealbreakers:
Low intelligence
Boring in the bedroom
Physical characteristics
Unwilling to travel
Unwilling to move

Grew up moving a lot, and I would feel trapped if I had to live in the SO's home town for the rest of my life.

I am extremely attracted to intelligence, and repulsed by dullards.

 

[astaldodhol]

People that chew gum. I don't know why, but I find it so disgusting ._.
Also if they act as though they are better than me and if I don't know something they know flaunt it.
I also can't stand people who speak bad english online or offline, it grinds my gears. That's why I have trouble talking to my friends.

Also these change almost everyday but here goes..
Favourite Film: My sassy girl (Korean version)
Favourite Band: Placebo
Favourite Book: Roverandom - J.R.R Tolkien, I know it's a children's book, but I love it nonetheless.
Favourite Colour: Green.

 

[DeadpanLunatic]

I have removed my words from this site.

 

[TheThanatos]

All you antismoker's make me feel really unwanted. Fine you'll never have me you don't know what your missing out on! Seriously though extreme religious beliefs, cheating on me, and to be honest serious mental health problems. I wont ever date a self harmer again.

 

[bluerahjah]

If a woman can't answer the big three :

1) What is the Pythagorean Theorem?
2) What is a Cheep-Cheep?
3) What is the average wind-speed velocity of a laden swallow?

 

[DannyDamage]

(some Anti Smoking propaganda referencing to the almighty Wikipedia and from the same government health bodies that ignore drink related health issues to back the government up about smoking which is the same government that got an entire generation before me to smoke)

Never said smoking doesn't harm people (I watched my grandfather die on my 16th birthday from smoking actually) but not a single Dr. has been able to name someone who's primary cause of death was 2nd hand smoke. And don't say Roy fucking Castle, because that's BS.

I'm not saying that one is better than the other. Far from it, everyone else was telling me that drinking was better than smoking and they'd happily date a drunk but not a heavy smoker. I'm not here to debate which is the worse drug, I'm simply commenting on people's mentality which leads to my ultimate point that 63% of members (according the that bf/gf poll) are single. Seems to me that most think their shit doesn't stink. I know some pretty great women that are smokers (and some not so great ones) but I'd much rather sit and chat to a heavy smoker than some stuck up ***** that think she's better than anyone who smokes.

 

[AntiAntagonist]

Both my in-laws (to be) smoke, but they smoke outside. Their house smells fine. Their insurance isn't lowered that much either because they live in a "non-smoking" home.

I was referring to health insurance, but my bad for not being specific. If they smoke and say they don't smoke on their insurance app, then that's between them and the insurance company.

The reason that the insurance premium goes up is due to the health risks that are causally proven or proven though correlation. Same as smokers are statistically more likely to have a house fire. There are worse things people can do or worse things that they have no control over. However that doesn't change that it's a voluntary (if addictive) factor.

Never said smoking doesn't harm people (I watched my grandfather die on my 16th birthday from smoking actually) but not a single Dr. has been able to name someone who's primary cause of death was 2nd hand smoke. And don't say Roy fucking Castle, because that's BS.

The argument that smoking (or second hand) has never been "the cause of death" is a poor argument. If a person has a diabetes and dies after eating too much sugar the coroner won't put "donut" as the cause on the death certificate.

Poisoning the well, and anecdotal evidence are not real arguments.

So it's a dealbreaker since even if there isn't a legal or economic complication there are proven consequences.
Essentially:
"Yeah, I date a smoker, but I give her a serious talking to if I find her asleep with a lit cig."
or
"Yeah, I don't want to deal with the externalities of a smoker."

The ego difference would certainly be a dealbreaker for me if I were on either side. I've been harried by the questions of smokers before though (down South). "YOU DON'T SMOKE?! ... Why?!"

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

If a woman can't answer the big three :

1) What is the Pythagorean Theorem?
2) What is a Cheep-Cheep?
3) What is the average wind-speed velocity of a laden swallow?

Not a woman, but...African swallow or European swallow?