Relationship Dilemma - FINAL UPDATE. IF YOU POSTED HERE BEFORE, PLEASE VIEW MY LATEST POST

[Julianking93]

snipadoddle

ok, you're about 14-15 right(i looked at your profile, BTW,so you have to be close to that.), is she close to this age, because if she is, then it's because 14-16 year old girls are very close minded. and crazy.

I'm 16, she's 19...

 

[Julianking93]

Smart money says the chatroom they met in is an anime chatroom.

May I ask what this statement has to do with the price of cheese? If your not going to offer insight, then at least link him to stuff that may freak him out, like I did.

I appear to have insulted your precious anime.

Not at all, I was merely interested into what bearing your previous statement had on the discussion at hand.

It was not an anime chat room. Your money is wrong.

 

[Go Fighting In The War Room]

Thanks to everyone for your helpful responses. I put the original post in Spoilers for people who haven't read this yet who might be able to help.

[spoiler/]Recently, I've started talking to a girl whom I've grown quite fond of. We met on a chat room about a week ago and have been talking ever since almost daily.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Julian! How could you? I expected better from you. You met her on the internet! She's probably a guy!"

To that I say, first off let me finish Mr. Mcshitface and second, there is absolutely no possible way that she's a guy. A guy wouldn't put this much effort for this long on just a prank. Besides, I've talked to her on the phone and we've met in person. (it was a local chat room)

Anyway, after talking to her for a while, I've grown quite a liking to her. She's almost the exact thing I was dreaming of when I thought of a perfect girlfriend. She's into videogames, she likes the same music as I do, she reads manga, she's sweet and she's Japanese/American (I like Asian women). She's actually one of the nicest girls I've ever met in my life.

The other day, things got sort of serious when she told me she liked me. A lot. I could tell the sincerity in her voice. And that's what made it so much harder when I discovered her one, tiny little difference from me in the form of this text. After talking to her, I said something (I can't remember) followed by "Oh my God" to which she replied:

[spoiler/]"Could you do me a favor. Please say Gosh instead of God. I mean...you aren't really talking to God."[/spoiler]

God. Fucking. Damnit.

That's right Escapist. Through several other questions and by her responses, I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian. Her beliefs go exactly the opposite of mine and now I don't know what to do.

She really is one of the sweetest and most compassionate girls I've ever met, but to hear all this just is crazy to me (but I guess there's always a catch).

I don't know what to do. She goes against all my own personal morals and beliefs yet I have a soft spot for her. It also doesn't help that she told me I'm the first guy she's ever had feelings for and that she thinks she's falling for me.

What should I do?

If you feel the need to, PM me about the situation.[/spoiler]

Now, UPDATE - I'm freaking the fuck out right now. I thought I just might be able to make this work out between us despite our differences, yet something just happened that makes me want to drop her from my life completely. Note, that I've only been in one relationship before and that this may be normal but I honestly don't think it is.

This girl is batshit crazy over me.

I never thought it would be possible. After all my wishing for a girl to love me and for me to love, I get the craziest one of all.

Last night, I was at my father's house. Its in an isolated area outside of town and I don't get any cell phone service. No big deal, but when I came back this morning, my phone got 6, count them, 6 text messages, 4 missed phone calls and 1 message from, you guessed it, this girl.

This may be normal to an extent, but not for me. I was only out of contact with her for 13 hours, yet she's got messages everywhere asking where I am.

I even have Yahoo Messenger, AIM and iMac chat, and all of those are riddled with messages from her asking where I am and why I haven't called her. She's fucking nuts.

Now I [i/]really[/i] don't know what to do. We live in the same town. She knows my name. She knows my face. And she's completely bonkers over me and I never felt the same about her.

What do I do?

Oh shit..... err.... I had a friend who had a situation like yours.

Get lots of friends and family to watch for the next few days, get a knife, and find someone she'll hate more than you, because you should probably leave her.

 

[lazy_bum]

Snippity snippity snipey

Unfortunately, I believe you've read this situation perfectly (good job, btw). I've thought of the same thing. I know the ramifications of each way to approach this and I'm not liking any of my options.

I know that if I break up with her or tell her that I don't want a real relationship, it will scar her psychologically and I could never do that to someone, but I don't know what else to do. I know I'm the only person she's fallen in love with before and that's why I'm hesitant to say anything.

I did tell her today that I want to take things slower and that she should ease up on the texting, but she responded by frantically calling me, hysterically crying saying that I didn't love her anymore.

'Oh God.' was literally the first thing i said when i read that, before i could stop myself.

what did you say to that?

I'm afraid that in all likelyhood it's going to come down to either choosing the lesser evil of hurting her by breaking up with her or surrendering your sanity/freedom/will to live.

I'm sorry to say that you are in a really tough spot (i know i've said it before, but its really true). the important thing to realise is that in the end every person has their limits and not to hate yourself for doing what has to be done. even if it feels like you've had to kill a mortally injured kitten, its for the best.

feel free to PM me if you need.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

After the update... Run. Like hell. She's bat-shit bonkers. Or restraining order. Lawsuit up!

But seriously, confront her. Get everything straight that you think she's going overboard. If she still is bat-shit crazy, tell her to give you space. And if all else fails, restraining order does sound nice. But whatever you do, don't hook up. Never hook up with a stalker.

 

[Acier]

With this illuminating information, the hysterical crying and whatever.Drop her. There is no wau out of this where you'll both be happy.

A Christian with messed up theology and a few screws loose is a loose canon, even if you were a Christian as well this is an unhealthy relationship.

Unfortunately she seems codependent to an extreme degree, and I doubt asking her to go through a 12 step program to get that fixed will bode over well.

So let her down easy, and if she tries to talk to you later through text or whatever, be polite but not inviting and don't help the flow of conversation. Eventually she'll stop trying. When I cut someone off if it took a few months of sporadic conversations, but we haven't talked in a while.

And one more thing don't feel bad, yes you'll probably hurt her but it's downright unhealthy, feeling bad and trying to be the "nice guy" will only enable her to stay around longer and keep this alive much longer than it has too

 

[zidine100]

"Could you do me a favor. Please say Gosh instead of God. I mean...you aren't really talking to God."

God. Fucking. Damnit.

That's right Escapist. Through several other questions and by her responses, I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian. Her beliefs go exactly the opposite of mine and now I don't know what to do.

Did you get all that from her saying she wants you to say "gosh" instead of "god"? Because if so, I think that's a little over-interpretive. If not... Well, it never caused a problem before, even though you've had extensive contact with her. Why would it cause a problem now, other than you finding it ideologically dubious? If you've managed to separate religion and politics from your interactions so far, just keep doing that. I'm also interested to hear what she said about gay people that made you think she likes to beat them.

That said, I understand why it would cause long-term issues. I would have a hard time being together with someone that supported social hierachy. Such things tend to colour other aspects of people's personalities.

Last night, I was at my father's house. Its in an isolated area outside of town and I don't get any cell phone service. No big deal, but when I came back this morning, my phone got 6, count them, 6 text messages, 4 missed phone calls and 1 message from, you guessed it, this girl.

This may be normal to an extent, but not for me. I was only out of contact with her for 13 hours, yet she's got messages everywhere asking where I am.

I even have Yahoo Messenger, AIM and iMac chat, and all of those are riddled with messages from her asking where I am and why I haven't called her. She's fucking nuts.

Now I [i/]really[/i] don't know what to do. We live in the same town. She knows my name. She knows my face. And she's completely bonkers over me and I never felt the same about her.

What do I do?

That's not really strange. She may have just forgotten you were going to be out of contact, and gotten worried. I had a long-distance relationship for a year and a half before moving in together with my significant other, and during that time we could easily send eachother 50 text messages per day, and still squeeze in at least one phonecall and an IM conversation on top of that. Some people are just emotionally needy, and apparently she's one of those people. I would count myself lucky, because intimacy is cozy.

It just seems like she's way too needy. I'll admit that I love nothing more than to hold someone and tell them how much I love them, but this is a bit much for me. I asked her if she remembered me telling her I would be out of contact for a while and she responded with "I know, I was just worried".

And, I didn't just get that she's an Obama hating gay basher just from that. She flat out told me, "Obama is the worst president in history." and "Gays are immoral and go against nature."

I'm don't have a bias where I think all Christians are bigots, but she is.

Sorry but after that im just going to say get the hell out. She is a bigot, ignore her "so called feelings" and tell her straight that you want the hell out, mabie she might grow up a bit in the process. Or hell tell her your gay, see what she does.

besides if shes a christian going completely bat crazy is out of the question due to her having to obay the bible. So theres going to be no deadly repocussions to telling to f off.

sorry if this sounds harsh but from what i hear she needs a short sharp shock (sorry if this phrase is not widely used).

 

[Arkhangelsk]

Snippity snippity snipey

Unfortunately, I believe you've read this situation perfectly (good job, btw). I've thought of the same thing. I know the ramifications of each way to approach this and I'm not liking any of my options.

I know that if I break up with her or tell her that I don't want a real relationship, it will scar her psychologically and I could never do that to someone, but I don't know what else to do. I know I'm the only person she's fallen in love with before and that's why I'm hesitant to say anything.

I did tell her today that I want to take things slower and that she should ease up on the texting, but she responded by frantically calling me, hysterically crying saying that I didn't love her anymore.

'Oh God.' was literally the first thing i said when i read that, before i could stop myself.

what did you say to that?

I'm afraid that in all likelyhood it's going to come down to either choosing the lesser evil of hurting her by breaking up with her or surrendering your sanity/freedom/will to live.

I'm sorry to say that you are in a really tough spot (i know i've said it before, but its really true). the important thing to realise is that in the end every person has their limits and not to hate yourself for doing what has to be done. even if it feels like you've had to kill a mortally injured kitten, its for the best.

feel free to PM me if you need.

I agree, you get too serious with her and you'll end up tied to the refrigerator. Or she'll tie herself to yours. If you don't cut her loose she'll just make even harder knots between you. And then replace it with barb wire.

 

[DazZ.]

Don't do what I used to do and lead these people on for fun (these people = people who are crazy over you to a scary extent). [small](I know I'm a ****)[/small]

It's harsh and they usually have other issues to make them so clingy, you probably don't need to be told not to but I know how easy it is to do so if they look nice on the outside.
Do not sleep with it either, it will haunt you for about a year after.

But what she has done so far isn't that bad, she just left a load of messages, it happens. Talk to her about it and say "Woah dawg, back off out my grill yo?" (or however you talk) and see if she does.
Not worth telling her tot totally fuck off seeing as you thought you were falling for her a few hours ago.
(Would a relationship really last long anyway, even with same beliefs? May as well go for it and get some experience if you like her)

 

[nolongerhere]

Could you message me later when this is sorted out. Or not sorted, should it go that way. I'd be interested in how close my non-serious Yandere [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Yandere] suggestion was to the mark. Unless she goes all Ax-Crazy on you, then I'll probably laugh.

Seriously though, this is bloody interesting.

 

[iJosh]

Dude, this is normal. Girls are just naturally like that. They constantly need to know what you are doing and where you are at. Until you guys actually learn to trust each other then this should slow down a bit.

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

Yeah, no. Not worth it. Something this fundamentally different to your beliefs, you can't overcome it, no matter how hard you try.

Also, she sounds pretty wacko, no offence.

 

[Julianking93]

I agree, you get too serious with her and you'll end up tied to the refrigerator. Or she'll tie herself to yours. If you don't cut her loose she'll just make even harder knots between you. And then replace it with barb wire.

Here in lies the problem. She believes we [i/]are[/i] in a serious relationship. She told me she loved me and I may have let a "I care for you a lot" slip and she most likely sees this as love and that I love her back, which I don't. I care for her, but I don't love her.

We've also had several...chats that are on the sex side. Oh I'll come out and say it, we've had cyber and phone sex before and now I feel like I've dug a really really deep hole for myself that I can't climb out of.

This also makes her a hypocrite that she's so easily able to tell me she loves me and that she can describe in detail a sexual encounter, yet she's a bible beater.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

I agree, you get too serious with her and you'll end up tied to the refrigerator. Or she'll tie herself to yours. If you don't cut her loose she'll just make even harder knots between you. And then replace it with barb wire.

Here in lies the problem. She believes we [i/]are[/i] in a serious relationship. She told me she loved me and I may have let a "I care for you a lot" slip and she most likely sees this as love and that I love her back, which I don't. I care for her, but I don't love her.

We've also had several...chats that are on the sex side. Oh I'll come out and say it, we've had cyber and phone sex before and now I feel like I've dug a really really deep hole for myself that I can't climb out of.

This also makes her a hypocrite that she's so easily able to tell me she loves me and that she can describe in detail a sexual encounter, yet she's a bible beater.

If she is a bible beater, and still did it, she's way too much into you. Can't blame her. Fundamental, gay-hating Christians aren't that popular. But you have to do what you have to do. Tell her it's over. You don't seem to want any part in this. Oh, and do it in a public place, you don't want her to hurt you. And be ready with a restraining order.

 

[Random Argument Man]

It may be an opportunity to grow up and accept the fact that some people are completly different.

I don't really beleive in a supreme being per se, but I'm cool with people who do...Now. (If you knew me 3 years ago, I would be saying "RUN, FAST AS THE WIND".

She has different political opinions...so? A girl I metsomeone who was very rightish and we almost had a relation. (Her ex-boyfriend came back into the picture).

You could at least try her. She has some up and downs like everyone else. If it does get awkward, she'll see it or you'll give some major signs.

 

[Lexodus]

If none of the above situations work out for you, you could always smack her with a shovel... [/joke (sort of)]
I know how hard it is to ditch stalkers, and really the only thing you can do is dump her in a public place and keep a wall of friends around you for a long time. If she's as bat-shit insane as she's coming off, you might wanna sleep with your eyes open, lights on, shotgun under pillow and guard tiger by bedside for a while.

 

[Slayer_2]

Hmm... well in my (very limited) experience, if the girl seems crazy now, it's only going to become worse the longer you know her. I had a similar problem, except instead of the girl being a bat-shit christian, she was a sex addict. Now I know you're all thinking I'm the crazy one for turning her down, but I wasn't really attracted to her physically. And her emotions and hormones were OUT OF CONTROL. And no, it was not just a once-a-month thing. You could say/do the most innocent things, and she'd immediately get pissed off and start calling you everything from "fag" to "a cold hearted bastard".

Then, when I turned her down, she started stalking me and was always trying to have sex with me. Once she even tried to get me to have cyber sex, which is pretty fucked up IMO, and even worse when it's an unattractive, stalker. Finally, she found herself another poor guy to pursue and I am now free of her, but it took a good 6 months.

Keep in mind that I thought she was just a normal girl at first, the crazy only gets worse.

 

[Acier]

I agree, you get too serious with her and you'll end up tied to the refrigerator. Or she'll tie herself to yours. If you don't cut her loose she'll just make even harder knots between you. And then replace it with barb wire.

Here in lies the problem. She believes we [i/]are[/i] in a serious relationship. She told me she loved me and I may have let a "I care for you a lot" slip and she most likely sees this as love and that I love her back, which I don't. I care for her, but I don't love her.

We've also had several...chats that are on the sex side. Oh I'll come out and say it, we've had cyber and phone sex before and now I feel like I've dug a really really deep hole for myself that I can't climb out of.

Yep, that is a deep hole. But you can still climb out of it.

I'm sure you've done it already but state clearly and strongly that you don't feel the same way as she does. Make it obvious that you dont care for her (in a non dickish way) and if she starts crying again and feed you the "You don't love me anymore line" affirm that. She's trying to put all the blame on you with her actions (or at least the ones I've seen). Don't let her guilt trip you and if she starts self deprecating ("It's all my fault...") don't just blatantly say "It sure is you crazy *****" but don't grovel down and be like "No no, don't talk like that" it will only encourage her more.
I didn't have the crazy part but I had to deal with guilt games too, and they are what kept me from cutting the ties for way too long.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

Tell her how you feel, always works!

Spoiler: Or even better...

Nah, that'll probably make it worse. Funny stuff though.