Relationship Dilemma - FINAL UPDATE. IF YOU POSTED HERE BEFORE, PLEASE VIEW MY LATEST POST

[Nwabudike Morgan]

Smart money says the chatroom they met in is an anime chatroom.

May I ask what this statement has to do with the price of cheese? If your not going to offer insight, then at least link him to stuff that may freak him out, like I did.

I appear to have insulted your precious anime.

Not at all, I was merely interested into what bearing your previous statement had on the discussion at hand.

They met in a chatroom. Girl is crazy. Girls who like anime are also crazy. What I've been saying is more on topic than what you've been saying.

 

[lazy_bum]

Could be worse. I pretend to be Pagan to people I don't want to know.

Doesn't that go out the window if they don't care about that? Not everyone thinks Pagans are satanistic ritual-practicing nutjobs you know, just the idiots.

Huzzah, there are others out there who know more about pagans that what 2000 years of christian propaganda has been spewing out.

Heh. I'm sorry, I'm just imagining the guy I met at Escapist UK screaming "HUZZAH!" It's most amusing. You should try it.

Oh i do, often while wearing my trenchcoat and new rocks. have also been known to stand at the top off hills in said clothes and proclaim in a loub booming voice.
'ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH MY DEAR FRIEND!'
always amuses me. will probably be there this year as well btw. planning is starting sometime after the new year i believe.

 

[Nomad]

"Could you do me a favor. Please say Gosh instead of God. I mean...you aren't really talking to God."

God. Fucking. Damnit.

That's right Escapist. Through several other questions and by her responses, I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian. Her beliefs go exactly the opposite of mine and now I don't know what to do.

Did you get all that from her saying she wants you to say "gosh" instead of "god"? Because if so, I think that's a little over-interpretive. If not... Well, it never caused a problem before, even though you've had extensive contact with her. Why would it cause a problem now, other than you finding it ideologically dubious? If you've managed to separate religion and politics from your interactions so far, just keep doing that. I'm also interested to hear what she said about gay people that made you think she likes to beat them.

That said, I understand why it would cause long-term issues. I would have a hard time being together with someone that supported social hierachy. Such things tend to colour other aspects of people's personalities.

Last night, I was at my father's house. Its in an isolated area outside of town and I don't get any cell phone service. No big deal, but when I came back this morning, my phone got 6, count them, 6 text messages, 4 missed phone calls and 1 message from, you guessed it, this girl.

This may be normal to an extent, but not for me. I was only out of contact with her for 13 hours, yet she's got messages everywhere asking where I am.

I even have Yahoo Messenger, AIM and iMac chat, and all of those are riddled with messages from her asking where I am and why I haven't called her. She's fucking nuts.

Now I [i/]really[/i] don't know what to do. We live in the same town. She knows my name. She knows my face. And she's completely bonkers over me and I never felt the same about her.

What do I do?

That's not really strange. She may have just forgotten you were going to be out of contact, and gotten worried. I had a long-distance relationship for a year and a half before moving in together with my significant other, and during that time we could easily send eachother 50 text messages per day, and still squeeze in at least one phonecall and an IM conversation on top of that. Some people are just emotionally needy, and apparently she's one of those people. I would count myself lucky, because intimacy is cozy.

 

[nolongerhere]

Smart money says the chatroom they met in is an anime chatroom.

May I ask what this statement has to do with the price of cheese? If your not going to offer insight, then at least link him to stuff that may freak him out, like I did.

I appear to have insulted your precious anime.

Not at all, I was merely interested into what bearing your previous statement had on the discussion at hand.

They met in a chatroom. Girl is crazy. Girls who like anime are also crazy. What I've been saying is more on topic than what you've been saying.

Ah, but I've fully admitted to being off topic. I'm quite proud of the distance I've managed to put between it and myself. You, on the other hand, seem to be making a simple, and probably wrong, generalisation about a reasonably large group of people. However, continuing along your line of thought, surely by the mere act of meeting someone online, he was dramaticly increaing the chances of her having a full blown case of the crazies?

 

[Rock 'n' Soul]

Yep. Sticking with the first instinct. Run like hell.

 

[nolongerhere]

Could be worse. I pretend to be Pagan to people I don't want to know.

Doesn't that go out the window if they don't care about that? Not everyone thinks Pagans are satanistic ritual-practicing nutjobs you know, just the idiots.

Huzzah, there are others out there who know more about pagans that what 2000 years of christian propaganda has been spewing out.

Heh. I'm sorry, I'm just imagining the guy I met at Escapist UK screaming "HUZZAH!" It's most amusing. You should try it.

Oh i do, often while wearing my trenchcoat and new rocks. have also been known to stand at the top off hills in said clothes and proclaim in a loub booming voice.
'ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH MY DEAR FRIEND!'
always amuses me. will probably be there this year as well btw. planning is starting sometime after the new year i believe.

Well tie me down, and spank me. (Side note: Don't tie me down and spank me. (Side-side note: Unless I ask in person.)) I'll have to keep an eye out for that.

 

[Chancecall]

S'a bit difficult to give advice not knowing both sides of it but it sounds to me like you might have changed your mind about her.

If you've decided your not interested, tell her that and just step back. You're not in trouble, just be honest, rational and polite and then cut contact. If she keeps bothering you, ignore it.

Simple as that! (it really really is.)

Good luck.

 

[Robert632]

either tell her to go away, or get your face changed. eithr one might work. key word being might.

 

[Assassin Xaero]

I'll tell you this... same thing happened to me with a girl, but we had been talking for years... Later, we had both sort of decided it wouldn't work out do to religious differences (she was super religious and I'm pretty much atheist), but were still friends. Then January 1st of this year, her parents sent me an email saying she would no longer be talking to me, that they were thankful that she recognized her wrong, and quoted some bullshit bible verses... Haven't heard from her in over a year... :/

thats rough man sorry to hear it

It's fine, life goes on...

 

[Mr. Purple]

Ummm, well if you truly love her then I say make it work. If you don't no big deal. That many messages and stuff isn't too abnormal for any people that care about each other. But this chick really seems to like you.She's just showing that she cares. Its not that serious. I highly doubt she's as crazy as you think she is. This is just different to you.
Dont be scared off just because she really likes you, but also don't be blinded by "love" and go against your beliefs. If you want a relationship then you two need to accept each other for who you are. If not then tell her there will be nothing between you. That simple.

 

[Nickolai77]

Now, UPDATE - I'm freaking the fuck out right now. I thought I just might be able to make this work out between us despite our differences, yet something just happened that makes me want to drop her from my life completely. Note, that I've only been in one relationship before and that this may be normal but I honestly don't think it is.

This girl is batshit crazy over me.

I never thought it would be possible. After all my wishing for a girl to love me and for me to love, I get the craziest one of all.

Last night, I was at my father's house. Its in an isolated area outside of town and I don't get any cell phone service. No big deal, but when I came back this morning, my phone got 6, count them, 6 text messages, 4 missed phone calls and 1 message from, you guessed it, this girl.

This may be normal to an extent, but not for me. I was only out of contact with her for 13 hours, yet she's got messages everywhere asking where I am.

I even have Yahoo Messenger, AIM and iMac chat, and all of those are riddled with messages from her asking where I am and why I haven't called her. She's fucking nuts.

Now I [i/]really[/i] don't know what to do. We live in the same town. She knows my name. She knows my face. And she's completely bonkers over me and I never felt the same about her.

What do I do?

1) Ask yourself do you want a relationship with her and do you think it would work out?
2) (if yes.. call her back, but thats not the recomended call of action)
3) If no, call her back, and tell her you don't want the relationship.. yes that is hard for both you and her, and this will be even harder. You've got to tell her why, be honest with her, tell her why a relationship would not work. It's painful i know, but you've got to do it and man up, bite the bullet and tell her you you don't want this relationship.

This is all assuming you have not already tried to dump her, if you have and shes calling you anyway.. god help you

 

[Veret]

Due respect to the "hit it and quit it" people, but I hope you're not actually going to take that advice. Quite aside from being the most morally bankrupt option available to you (I'm assuming you already knew that), it's also going to bite you in the ass. If you've really decided you don't want to be with this girl, then leave her and don't be ambiguous about it: Give a polite but firm refusal to keep seeing her, and then stop seeing her. If you actually go so far as to "hit it," or send any kind of message that you might like to, you will never be rid of this girl. Just keep that in mind.

 

[Pimppeter2]

AFTER UPDATE:

Hit it and quit it

Yup... Seems like a plan to me.

 

[Pimppeter2]

Due respect to the "hit it and quit it" people, but I hope you're not actually going to take that advice. Quite aside from being the most morally bankrupt option available to you (I'm assuming you already knew that), it's also going to bite you in the ass. If you've really decided you don't want to be with this girl, then leave her and don't be ambiguous about it: Give a polite but firm refusal to keep seeing her, and then stop seeing her. If you actually go so far as to "hit it," or send any kind of message that you might like to, you will never be rid of this girl. Just keep that in mind.

Ohh the irony is just delicious

*Looks above*

 

[Robert632]

snipadoddle

ok, you're about 14-15 right(i looked at your profile, BTW,so you have to be close to that.), is she close to this age, because if she is, then it's because 14-16 year old girls are very close minded. and crazy.

 

[Perception]

I think "batshit crazy" is a bit of an extreme term.

You guys are, what, 16ish? Infatuation can bring very powerful, all-encompassing emotion, even for adults. During adolescence, emotions can run even hotter. With experience comes the ability to cool your head, and to resist those urges to call or write every time you think about the object of your desire in order to avoid appearing overly clingy.

For a 16-year-old girl to go a little bit loopy during a crush, not to mention her first real one, is well within the bounds of what I'd call normal. If it were someone in their twenties behaving in such a manner I'd be more concerned.

What it all comes down to is this: Do you want a relationship with her, or not? Don't just look at coinciding interests and physical appearance (although this does play a part). Personalities need to mesh as well, and you need to be able to talk to each other even about topics on which you do not agree - over time, you get bored of "I love you" "I love you more!"-type conversations.

If the answer is yes, I wouldn't worry too much about her messages. She is an inexperienced girl with a crush, and all the messages really mean is that she thinks of you frequently, and fears the reverse is not true. If you like her enough to want a relationship with her, I don't see why her liking you equally (if not more) well is a problem at all.

If the answer is no, let her down easy. Be honest, but don't be blunt or mean. She'll get over you in any case, but how she remembers her first real experience with boys is entirely in your hands. That is no small responsibility.

 

[technoted]

Thanks to everyone for your helpful responses. I put the original post in Spoilers for people who haven't read this yet who might be able to help.

[spoiler/]Recently, I've started talking to a girl whom I've grown quite fond of. We met on a chat room about a week ago and have been talking ever since almost daily.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Julian! How could you? I expected better from you. You met her on the internet! She's probably a guy!"

To that I say, first off let me finish Mr. Mcshitface and second, there is absolutely no possible way that she's a guy. A guy wouldn't put this much effort for this long on just a prank. Besides, I've talked to her on the phone and we've met in person. (it was a local chat room)

Anyway, after talking to her for a while, I've grown quite a liking to her. She's almost the exact thing I was dreaming of when I thought of a perfect girlfriend. She's into videogames, she likes the same music as I do, she reads manga, she's sweet and she's Japanese/American (I like Asian women). She's actually one of the nicest girls I've ever met in my life.

The other day, things got sort of serious when she told me she liked me. A lot. I could tell the sincerity in her voice. And that's what made it so much harder when I discovered her one, tiny little difference from me in the form of this text. After talking to her, I said something (I can't remember) followed by "Oh my God" to which she replied:

[spoiler/]"Could you do me a favor. Please say Gosh instead of God. I mean...you aren't really talking to God."[/spoiler]

God. Fucking. Damnit.

That's right Escapist. Through several other questions and by her responses, I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian. Her beliefs go exactly the opposite of mine and now I don't know what to do.

She really is one of the sweetest and most compassionate girls I've ever met, but to hear all this just is crazy to me (but I guess there's always a catch).

I don't know what to do. She goes against all my own personal morals and beliefs yet I have a soft spot for her. It also doesn't help that she told me I'm the first guy she's ever had feelings for and that she thinks she's falling for me.

What should I do?

If you feel the need to, PM me about the situation.[/spoiler]

Now, UPDATE - I'm freaking the fuck out right now. I thought I just might be able to make this work out between us despite our differences, yet something just happened that makes me want to drop her from my life completely. Note, that I've only been in one relationship before and that this may be normal but I honestly don't think it is.

This girl is batshit crazy over me.

I never thought it would be possible. After all my wishing for a girl to love me and for me to love, I get the craziest one of all.

Last night, I was at my father's house. Its in an isolated area outside of town and I don't get any cell phone service. No big deal, but when I came back this morning, my phone got 6, count them, 6 text messages, 4 missed phone calls and 1 message from, you guessed it, this girl.

This may be normal to an extent, but not for me. I was only out of contact with her for 13 hours, yet she's got messages everywhere asking where I am.

I even have Yahoo Messenger, AIM and iMac chat, and all of those are riddled with messages from her asking where I am and why I haven't called her. She's fucking nuts.

Now I [i/]really[/i] don't know what to do. We live in the same town. She knows my name. She knows my face. And she's completely bonkers over me and I never felt the same about her.

What do I do?

i say go for it man, crazy sex may be awesome, you never know, and hell if she's crazy over you she'll never cheat on you or leave you, whether you like it or not

 

[Julianking93]

Snippity snippity snipey

You did tell her you would be out of contact for a while right? if you dropped off the face of the earth without warning people are libel to panic abit, especially in early stages of relationships.
so to clarify are you two offically a couple now?

Yes, I told her I wouldn't get cell phone reception that day.

And no, we aren't a couple.

Okay then. Now you've said that i am pretty sure i have been out with almost the exact same psychological profile in the past. You seem like a nice person so i take no pleasure in telling you this, but you're in alot of trouble if i've read this right.

any attempts to ignore/blank her will result in her hassling you for more attention.

attempting to make her sick of your by giving her too much attention/pretending to be horribly clingy will just make her love you more.

attempts to be an arsehole to her (or even just telling her its not going to work) will result in her going psychotic, either towards you or herself.

I hope i've read the situation horribly wrong because i know from experiance that you are in a no win situation. Or you can find a way of dealing with the situation i cannot see. I really really feel for you if i'm right though.

Unfortunately, I believe you've read this situation perfectly (good job, btw). I've thought of the same thing. I know the ramifications of each way to approach this and I'm not liking any of my options.

I know that if I break up with her or tell her that I don't want a real relationship, it will scar her psychologically and I could never do that to someone, but I don't know what else to do. I know I'm the only person she's fallen in love with before and that's why I'm hesitant to say anything.

I did tell her today that I want to take things slower and that she should ease up on the texting, but she responded by frantically calling me, hysterically crying saying that I didn't love her anymore.

 

[Julianking93]

"Could you do me a favor. Please say Gosh instead of God. I mean...you aren't really talking to God."

God. Fucking. Damnit.

That's right Escapist. Through several other questions and by her responses, I learned that this seemingly perfect girl is a bible thumping, Obama hating, gay bashing, Evangelical Christian. Her beliefs go exactly the opposite of mine and now I don't know what to do.

Did you get all that from her saying she wants you to say "gosh" instead of "god"? Because if so, I think that's a little over-interpretive. If not... Well, it never caused a problem before, even though you've had extensive contact with her. Why would it cause a problem now, other than you finding it ideologically dubious? If you've managed to separate religion and politics from your interactions so far, just keep doing that. I'm also interested to hear what she said about gay people that made you think she likes to beat them.

That said, I understand why it would cause long-term issues. I would have a hard time being together with someone that supported social hierachy. Such things tend to colour other aspects of people's personalities.

Last night, I was at my father's house. Its in an isolated area outside of town and I don't get any cell phone service. No big deal, but when I came back this morning, my phone got 6, count them, 6 text messages, 4 missed phone calls and 1 message from, you guessed it, this girl.

This may be normal to an extent, but not for me. I was only out of contact with her for 13 hours, yet she's got messages everywhere asking where I am.

I even have Yahoo Messenger, AIM and iMac chat, and all of those are riddled with messages from her asking where I am and why I haven't called her. She's fucking nuts.

Now I [i/]really[/i] don't know what to do. We live in the same town. She knows my name. She knows my face. And she's completely bonkers over me and I never felt the same about her.

What do I do?

That's not really strange. She may have just forgotten you were going to be out of contact, and gotten worried. I had a long-distance relationship for a year and a half before moving in together with my significant other, and during that time we could easily send eachother 50 text messages per day, and still squeeze in at least one phonecall and an IM conversation on top of that. Some people are just emotionally needy, and apparently she's one of those people. I would count myself lucky, because intimacy is cozy.

It just seems like she's way too needy. I'll admit that I love nothing more than to hold someone and tell them how much I love them, but this is a bit much for me. I asked her if she remembered me telling her I would be out of contact for a while and she responded with "I know, I was just worried".

And, I didn't just get that she's an Obama hating gay basher just from that. She flat out told me, "Obama is the worst president in history." and "Gays are immoral and go against nature."

I'm don't have a bias where I think all Christians are bigots, but she is.