[Relationship-topic] Do women take the initiative in starting a relationship?

[BitterLemon]

2b) I don't have an answer to that but it's a good question I've often wondered myself. I don't know of any relationships in which it happened due to the womans initiative - even if she wanted it happen just as much as the guy did.

I had a female friend who was commited and I had a small crush on her, but never had much hope because of her relationship. One day, when we were hanging around only the two of us, she held my hand and came very close to me. I got a little scared because I thought that she was trying to cheat her boyfriend with me and kinda of got away from her, gave some excuses and went home. Later, she sent me an email saying that she had broken up with her bf cause she was in love with me and didn't had time to explain when I ran away like an idiot.

The next time we met was in a friend's birthday party and even though I knew she was into me, I was a little nervous and didn't know what to do, since we were friends for years and everyone was there and would be a big surprise if we kissed out of the blue and... not giving a fuck, she grabbed me in the middle of the living room in front of everybody and gave me a very deep kiss. All my friends were "WTF!! Look!! YEAH!!...........Erm... well.... whatever, leave them alone, they won't stop kissing".

We stayed together for more than 7 years. She said that wanted to kiss me so much all those years we were friends and that I was way too slow and stupid to realize and do something about it, so she took the initiative like a boss. And she's quite reserved and a shy person, not some wild outgoing party animal. So yeah... girls take initiative.

 

[Abomination]

I've been in two relationships where the woman sought me out. It was so alien for the first one I had no idea what was going on... I thought she was trying to sell me something and this was just her buttering me up.

Physically though I've always made the first "definate" move. Girls might have given me a sign initially but that's always been the current culture. Woman signs, man interperates. If a man signs he's frequently viewed as a freak, if a woman signs it's flirtation.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

To put this scenario ridiculously short, I've met somebody about four months ago and developed feelings for her. About two weeks ago I've made these feelings known to her. She was very flattered by it, telling me that "it certainly doesn't leave me cold.". Because she really dislikes talking about deep feelings, there was a slight crack in her voice. She did say that she's still in the building of a stable life (working hours, hobby's and whatnot) and that she need a lot of time to let a relationship such as this build, obviously.

EDIT: Context on question 3. A good friend has told me that her emotional crack really bothers him. He doesn't really believe in the concept of 'tears of happiness'. However, my counter-argument was that she hasn't rejected me on a text message or e-mail since, and we have seen each other multiple times since those two weeks (with success) and already have a next 'date' planned.

My questions are:

1) How much time can you give to a person in this kind of scenario, should I even paste a number on it?

2a) Should I take a complete back seat when it comes to moving this relationship forward? In a sense, I've shot all my bullets and there is nothing I can do now, right?

2b) Do women even ever take the reins when it comes to relationships or is it just a fairy tale that all men should take the charge?

Side question: 3) When I told her, were a couple of tears -not waterfalls- an indicator of failure or success?

Sorry, but I have to play Devil's advocate here, and bear in mind that there is never a universal answer when it comes to women, relationships, etc., since everyone is different.

However, in my experience, if a woman genuinely wants to be in a relationship with you, she's not going to pass up the opportunity to do so with "oh well I need time to build stability", or "I'm just not ready". I'm not saying it CAN'T happen, but I wouldn't bet on it.

My advice would be that you've already said your piece and she knows how you feel, so don't sit on the sideline and just wait for her to say "Ok now I'm ready!". Go out, meet other girls, see other people. If she comes back and says she wants a relationship, great, if not, you've already met other people.

As for the "taking the reins" thing. As a general rule, guys are still expected to take the lead in this department, but there are plenty of women nowadays who will do it. No idea if she's one of them or not.

 

[Battenberg]

1) If you already have a next date coming up I'm not sure what you'd be giving her time before doing but I don't think there's going to be a set number either way, just give her as much time and personal space as you think seems right and maybe let her know she's dictating the rate your reltaonship advances at (assuming you're not one of those people that always wants 'the power' in your relationship).

2a) Pretty much see 1). Certainly don't leave everything up to her or refuse to act at all or you might give her the wrong impression and make her think you're losing interest.

2b) It would be ridiculous to expect a black or white answer here, different women are going to act differently so of course some will take the reigns and some won't. I would say that there's probably still a 'traditional' attitude in society that the man should take control in a relationship but it's kind of outdated and by no means representative of all women (or all men obviously).

3) If you've got another date lined up I'd say it's a good sign. If someone doesn't like being asked so much that they cry I can't see why they'd go out with that person.

 

[BitterLemon]

2b) I don't have an answer to that but it's a good question I've often wondered myself. I don't know of any relationships in which it happened due to the womans initiative - even if she wanted it happen just as much as the guy did.

I had a female friend who was commited and I had a small crush on her, but never had much hope because of her relationship. One day, when we were hanging around only the two of us, she held my hand and came very close to me. I got a little scared because I thought that she was trying to cheat her boyfriend with me and kinda of got away from her, gave some excuses and went home. Later, she sent me an email saying that she had broken up with her bf cause she was in love with me and didn't had time to explain when I ran away like an idiot.

The next time we met was in a friend's birthday party and even though I knew she was into me, I was a little nervous and didn't know what to do, since we were friends for years and everyone was there and would be a big surprise if we kissed out of the blue and... not giving a fuck, she grabbed me in the middle of the living room in front of everybody and gave me a very deep kiss. All my friends were "WTF!! Look!! YEAH!!...........Erm... well.... whatever, leave them alone, they won't stop kissing".

We stayed together for more than 7 years. She said that wanted to kiss me so much all those years we were friends and that I was way too slow and stupid to realize and do something about it, so she took the initiative like a boss. And she's quite reserved and a shy person, not some wild outgoing party animal. So yeah... girls take initiative.

By committed did you just mean in a committed relationship? I originally read the first sentence and thought you'd meant to a mental ward but it doesn't seem to make sense in context after I read it all.

A committed relationship XD. I'm sorry, english is not my native language, so forgive me for awkward words and spelling mistakes.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Sorry, but I have to play Devil's advocate here, and bear in mind that there is never a universal answer when it comes to women, relationships, etc., since everyone is different.

But everyone being different doesn't rule out a universal answer. All men have different penises but we're still able to say "men have penises" and to indicate the general shape and structure. We're able to give labels to beings called "men" and "women" and to describe to some extent what they look like and how they behave, even though no two are alike. I don't believe anyone's arrived at an appropriate description of human behavior or of the sexes that would come close to the accuracy of our current physical descriptions, but that just means we haven't reached it yet. We will soon enough.

 

[sweetylnumb]

Well if by take the reins in a relationship you count getting drunk and jumping on a dude and later getting drunk again and expressing your undying love for him, then hell yeah.

Been a year and we're still together, by the way...

 

[Caiphus]

Eeeerh, I kinda meant more like women you know rather than attractive strangers. If you don't know them well enough to start conversation then you probably don't know enough about them to make a move either.

"Hi there, you look bored. Have you seen the magic trick where you make a sausage disappear into your body?"

60% of the time, that works every time.

 

[Ryleh]

Eeeerh, I kinda meant more like women you know rather than attractive strangers. If you don't know them well enough to start conversation then you probably don't know enough about them to make a move either.

"Hi there, you look bored. Have you seen the magic trick where you make a sausage disappear into your body?"

60% of the time, that works every time.

I think it's my new mission to try that line on dudes. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[Caiphus]

I think it's my new mission to try the reverse version of that line on dudes. I'll let you know how it goes.

It worked on me and that's why I now have only one kidney.

I'm now deeply suspicious, I'd rather not lose both. What would I do then!?

 

[Ryleh]

I think it's my new mission to try the reverse version of that line on dudes. I'll let you know how it goes.

It worked on me and that's why I now have only one kidney.

I'm now deeply suspicious, I'd rather not lose both. What would I do then!?

Kidneys are for pussies.

 

[ShipofFools]

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall
After all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
-Roger Waters.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

Sorry, but I have to play Devil's advocate here, and bear in mind that there is never a universal answer when it comes to women, relationships, etc., since everyone is different.

But everyone being different doesn't rule out a universal answer. All men have different penises but we're still able to say "men have penises" and to indicate the general shape and structure. We're able to give labels to beings called "men" and "women" and to describe to some extent what they look like and how they behave, even though no two are alike. I don't believe anyone's arrived at an appropriate description of human behavior or of the sexes that would come close to the accuracy of our current physical descriptions, but that just means we haven't reached it yet. We will soon enough.

Apples and oranges my friend. You're talking about physical characteristics, I'm talking about personality characteristics, and my point to the OP is that one can never, with 100% certainty, answer a question such as "do women like __________?" or "Do women want the guy to take the lead?" because, although one can notice general trends, you can never 100% say what all women (or men for that matter) want or like.

It'd be like meeting one girl who thinks tattoos are really sexy, and then declaring that all women think tattoos are sexy.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Sorry, but I have to play Devil's advocate here, and bear in mind that there is never a universal answer when it comes to women, relationships, etc., since everyone is different.

But everyone being different doesn't rule out a universal answer. All men have different penises but we're still able to say "men have penises" and to indicate the general shape and structure. We're able to give labels to beings called "men" and "women" and to describe to some extent what they look like and how they behave, even though no two are alike. I don't believe anyone's arrived at an appropriate description of human behavior or of the sexes that would come close to the accuracy of our current physical descriptions, but that just means we haven't reached it yet. We will soon enough.

Apples and oranges my friend. You're talking about physical characteristics, I'm talking about personality characteristics, and my point to the OP is that one can never, with 100% certainty, answer a question such as "do women like __________?" or "Do women want the guy to take the lead?" because, although one can notice general trends, you can never 100% say what all women (or men for that matter) want or like.

It'd be like meeting one girl who thinks tattoos are really sexy, and then declaring that all women think tattoos are sexy.

And you don't think physical characteristics determine personality? Why do you think the vast majority of women are attracted to men? That's a non-physical generalisation we can make, although not an absolute one: women are sexually attracted to men. It's not useless to make similar kinds of conclusions about women.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

1. As long as you like her I guess. There's no clear cut answer to it.

2a. Don't take the complete backseat, never a good idea.
Ask her out for dates, flirt a bit, but don't get overly romantic.
You don't want to pressure her and push her away, but you don't want to make her lose interest either.

2b. It's not a fairy-tale. Just like men, women do take initiative and just like men they can be shut down.

3. Well, I once had a girl break into a waterfall when I tried to initiate a relationship with her. Didn't really go well.
Anyways, probably a mild success, she cares for you and it may turn into something more or not. Whatever happens, don't go whining about being friendzoned if things goes a bit sour(for you).

 

[Ihateregistering1]

Sorry, but I have to play Devil's advocate here, and bear in mind that there is never a universal answer when it comes to women, relationships, etc., since everyone is different.

But everyone being different doesn't rule out a universal answer. All men have different penises but we're still able to say "men have penises" and to indicate the general shape and structure. We're able to give labels to beings called "men" and "women" and to describe to some extent what they look like and how they behave, even though no two are alike. I don't believe anyone's arrived at an appropriate description of human behavior or of the sexes that would come close to the accuracy of our current physical descriptions, but that just means we haven't reached it yet. We will soon enough.

Apples and oranges my friend. You're talking about physical characteristics, I'm talking about personality characteristics, and my point to the OP is that one can never, with 100% certainty, answer a question such as "do women like __________?" or "Do women want the guy to take the lead?" because, although one can notice general trends, you can never 100% say what all women (or men for that matter) want or like.

It'd be like meeting one girl who thinks tattoos are really sexy, and then declaring that all women think tattoos are sexy.

And you don't think physical characteristics determine personality? Why do you think the vast majority of women are attracted to men? That's a non-physical generalisation we can make, although not an absolute one: women are sexually attracted to men. It's not useless to make similar kinds of conclusions about women.

Ummm, because human beings need to procreate? And that requires sperm and an egg? Sorry but you've totally lost me.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Sorry, but I have to play Devil's advocate here, and bear in mind that there is never a universal answer when it comes to women, relationships, etc., since everyone is different.

But everyone being different doesn't rule out a universal answer. All men have different penises but we're still able to say "men have penises" and to indicate the general shape and structure. We're able to give labels to beings called "men" and "women" and to describe to some extent what they look like and how they behave, even though no two are alike. I don't believe anyone's arrived at an appropriate description of human behavior or of the sexes that would come close to the accuracy of our current physical descriptions, but that just means we haven't reached it yet. We will soon enough.

Apples and oranges my friend. You're talking about physical characteristics, I'm talking about personality characteristics, and my point to the OP is that one can never, with 100% certainty, answer a question such as "do women like __________?" or "Do women want the guy to take the lead?" because, although one can notice general trends, you can never 100% say what all women (or men for that matter) want or like.

It'd be like meeting one girl who thinks tattoos are really sexy, and then declaring that all women think tattoos are sexy.

And you don't think physical characteristics determine personality? Why do you think the vast majority of women are attracted to men? That's a non-physical generalisation we can make, although not an absolute one: women are sexually attracted to men. It's not useless to make similar kinds of conclusions about women.

Ummm, because human beings need to procreate? And that requires sperm and an egg? Sorry but you've totally lost me.

What you call "personality characteristics" are predictable. Not to 100%, but not all men are born with a penis either and surgeons don't skip anatomy education because of that fact.

If your alien friend from outer space came to you for advice and asked for dating human women, would you refuse because no universal answer is possible? No, there's plenty of help you can give him about what women generally like: men, for one thing.

We can learn from nature too. Take the lyrebird. No two are the same of course, but the male always takes the initiative by his singing and showing off his tail. The human situation is probably a little more complex, but you see where I'm going.