Relationships and life.

[pedrnorth]

Didn't bother to read anything past the OP.

My advice would be, just go for it! Women are more attracted to confidence than physical features anyway. I've had lots of overweight friends who have dated/married attractive girls, because they're great guys and they're confident in who they are. Even if you don't succeed immediately - and be willing to admit when you don't - remember that everyone fails, and failure is the only way that we grow our confidence and character. If you never learn how to fail, you will never learn how to succeed. Put yourself out there and make it happen!

 

[RagingScottsman]

Look, here's the problem. You can't pursue a girl until you pursue yourself. I certainly mean no offense by this, but you obviously have some self-esteem issues. Wanting to lose weight and such is indeed a good thing to want, but it shouldn't be for someone else. You should do things of this nature for yourself, and I don't mean in the way that you would feel better if you can be good enough to have a girlfriend. Obtain genuine self-satisfaction before you go seeking satisfaction from others. Look at it this way; The best salesman is one who is confident in his product.

Secondly: Stop caring about actually having a girlfriend. I'm not referring to a complete and total apathy towards women though. The only way a girl is gonna give you a second thought is if you are confident enough. If you care too much about getting her number, you never will get it. The cynical road you're headed down will inevitably lead to a fear of rejection (if you're not already at that point).

Finally, as far as being ugly; who cares? Honestly it doesn't matter if you're ugly at all. Yes, we've all seen women swoon over male models and celebrity, but that is the smallest part of what any woman worth her weight really wants. "Be yourself", might seem rather cliche, but it is for a reason. Of course you are still going to need to be aware of your standards (I'd love to have a Natalie Portman, but it won't ever happen), but you can't be down on yourself either just because of something like having taken a few licks from the ugly branch.

Basically, the best that I can tell is that you simply need a re-adjustment of your priorities and number one right now needs to be your self-esteem/image. Fix your attitude, drop the cynicism, do what it takes to find some hope in the world, and you'll be golden, man. I hope that helps, and I wish you luck man.

Deuces.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

If they actually did want to date me, doesn't that just add to this "joke"? That all we really care about is, if we admit it or not is looks. I can't say that I'm excluded..

Looks are an important part of the equation, if you want a physical relationship. It's really not that strange. For physical activities, the physical aspects matter. And the physical intimacy is really the only difference between a relationship and a friendship. So if you want the physical intimacy, then yes, looks are going to matter. If you think they shouldn't, then you're better off looking for friendship.

Trying to satisfy physical requirements with mental attributes is like trying to satiate your hunger by talking a walk in the park. It's completely unrelated.

That said, while looks are important for everyone - their requirements are different. There is no such thing as a universal good look, or a bad look for that matter. Even if you looked like Jabba the hutt, someone would find you attractive. The only issue is finding someone that you click with on both a physical and a mental level.

If you really think it's a problem, I'd suggest the internet. You can sift through so many more people in your search for someone that suits you on the internet with thousands of people a mouse-click away, than you can in the physical world where you can communicate efficiently with 10 people at once, tops.

That said, you're not that old yet. Your time will likely come, eventually. In my experience, you have a greater chance of getting a stable partner if you just let it happen naturally than if you're actively looking for one. Because if you do that, then you're likely going to end up with someone you're not completely compatible with, as you'll take the first oppurtunity that comes along. If you wait it out, eventually someone will come along that suits you so well that you'll "fall" into the relationship automatically.

Edit: By the way, I suggest you keep being nice to the girls you mentioned. Not because you want to get in their pants, but because being nice to people is part of being a decent person.

This post is brilliant, props to you man. and Brimtastic, these are wise words, I suggest you listen...

 

[Dogstile]

Pretty much, one is descriptive, and one is insulting. There will always be people who will take offence to being called a slut, but Sorry, that's just they way they live and if they can't handle being called it, they can change. Calling someone the N-word is something they cannot choose nor change, and is used only to insult, which makes it worse

So? People can change their citizenship: does that mean if people don't like being insulted for where they come from, they should move to a different country?

Can you change your skin colour? That was my point.

 

[Tdc2182]

Broaden my closet? Little confused on the meaning of that.

Yes, I have been trying to lose weight lately. Mostly just using a tredmill.

In the back of my head, I keep thinking, if one day I came into school completely skinny, how would girls in general treat me?

If they actually did want to date me, doesn't that just add to this "joke"? That all we really care about is, if we admit it or not is looks. I can't say that I'm excluded..

Yes, that is a major playing card in most relationships. And until you learn to except that, the easier its gonna be. But it is not the only thing. First people notice looks, then their attitude. Trust me, I know plenty of less than attractive men(no homo) who have gotten really hot dates.

Wanna another tip? Join the bull pups(I think its called) or the army. You lose pounds like butter in the sun.

 

[Dogstile]

Pretty much, one is descriptive, and one is insulting. There will always be people who will take offence to being called a slut, but Sorry, that's just they way they live and if they can't handle being called it, they can change. Calling someone the N-word is something they cannot choose nor change, and is used only to insult, which makes it worse

So? People can change their citizenship: does that mean if people don't like being insulted for where they come from, they should move to a different country?

Can you change your skin colour? That was my point.

Can you change your citizenship? Your reason for why we don't use offensive words that relate to race was that it "is something they cannot choose nor change": People "cannot choose nor change" their citizenship? Or do you think it's okay to insult people over the country where they live?

People can choose or change their religion--they do so all the time. Do you think insults about someone's religion are okay?

Yeah you can change your citizenship, but if your born Jamaican then you will always be known as such, no amount of changing citizenship will change that. And don't get me started on religion, I'm way to biased in that area.

 

[Shapsters]

So let me get this straight? You try to get one girl to like you, fail, and now you've decided to give up? If you're just going to think of yourself as fat that mentallity is going to show when you're trying to talk to a girl. Despite what some people may tell you, looks are not the most important thing to a girl. I've seen a lot of pretty good-looking guys get turned down by girls so trust me when I say it's not just you. A lot of guys, at one point or another, feel down about not having a girlfriend.

It's all about practice. You can't expect to get someone on the very first try; you have to keep at it. That girl may not have liked you that way, but there is one out there that does. If you're having problems with confidence than you should make a list of all the positive attributes (nice and funny would be on there) you can think of.

By the way, if you're really worried about the weight why don't you do something about it? At the peak of my obesity I was 145kg, but I've worked on my weight and right now I'm down to 107kg.

This is exactly what I was going to say. You are giving up way to fast, you have no self confidence, you dislike your weight. Put yourself out there, be happy with you who are, and get exercising. Certainly don't quit already, you haven't put much effort into it anyways.

 

[bluepilot]

First off, I want to apologize for wasting your time if none of this makes sense to you, the reader. I don't post much stuff. I just need to get some opinions and I find it quite difficult to articulate how I feel about this subject to friends or family. Your comments are always greatly appreciated.

Anyway, to tell you a little about myself, I am a pretty fat and ugly senior in high school. I have never had a girlfriend nor does it look that likely that I will in some time. In most other aspects of my life I feel confident in my capability. Just not this one.

You call yourself a nice funny guy, well, I think that being nice and funny is a fantanstic trait and something your should not change. Keep being nice and funny and it will work out. You may not get what you want as quickly as you want, but this experience builds character.

I am saddened to hear that you are unhappy with the way that you look. However, beauty is only skin deep and looks are something that can be changed quite easily. I am not saying that you `should` change, but I am saying that you should try a few things so you can find yourself looking a way you feel happy about.

Being `fat` is an issue for you. There are lots of things you can do. First, consult your doctor for advice on safe, healthly weightloss. The doctor can help you set realistic targets and goals. Also, you could hit the gym, get on the weights machines, build a bit of buff e.t.c. Even just cut down on snacks.

Finallly girls, living for the sake of girls is pointless. Spend time yourself learning new skills, why not play an instruments or...anything really.

Build yourself up and the girls will come to you. Not the moth, but the flame.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

First off, I want to apologize for wasting your time if none of this makes sense to you, the reader. I don't post much stuff. I just need to get some opinions and I find it quite difficult to articulate how I feel about this subject to friends or family. Your comments are always greatly appreciated.

Anyway, to tell you a little about myself, I am a pretty fat and ugly senior in high school. I have never had a girlfriend nor does it look that likely that I will in some time. In most other aspects of my life I feel confident in my capability. Just not this one.

I never really attempted to get a girlfriend until a year ago. Where I met a girl and I actually thought it was possible that she liked me and all that jazz (I even wrote her poems, yes it is stupid/creepy now that I look back on it, though she did like them). Only to find out she only thought of me as a "nice, funny guy"...

Now days, I am bitter towards the success of my friends and their relationships with their girlfriends. I feel cynical and cold. I have come to realization that no matter what I do/say I will always be the "fat funny guy". I find no point in "being nice" to these girls, for I will be the same thing to them no matter how I act. Right now I feel like this life I'm living in is just a joke and I'm the only one laughing...I don't want to laugh anymore.

When you get a little older it is likely you will find women are more easy to approach.

School is absolutley NOT an indication of how the rest life plays out.

And anyway man, lots of girls like nerdy guys.

The wieght thing will be an issue with some girls but a lot of them don't mind as long as you have a fun, confident personality.

Try to find girls you share a common ground with. Don't go for the ones who make you feel inadequate.

Chin up, there's a nice lady out there for you.

And writing poems for a girl is NOT creepy, don't let anyone tell you it is.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

Broaden my closet? Little confused on the meaning of that.

Yes, I have been trying to lose weight lately. Mostly just using a tredmill.

In the back of my head, I keep thinking, if one day I came into school completely skinny, how would girls in general treat me?

If they actually did want to date me, doesn't that just add to this "joke"? That all we really care about is, if we admit it or not is looks. I can't say that I'm excluded..

OK true but evolutionary instinct dictates that we, as animals seek out a mate who we feel is an equal level of attractiveness to ourselves.

 

[James Rednok]

Dear Brimtastic,
My Advice, (and mind you I'm in no position to give out advice on this matter particular matter) is to get over your fear of rejection; just like in "Back to the Future". Just say to yourself "There are other fish in the sea." (I've always hated that expression but I can't think of anything else at the moment) If you find someone you are interested in, just walk up and say, "Hey, I'd really like to get to know you better, maybe we could talk over a bite to eat?" Or something of that nature. If you're Worried about you're weight stay on the tredmill while you watch t.v., while you read, and while you do you're schoolwork. Don't get off until you've lost at least 3000 calories. (believe me it's not that difficult as long as you don't push yourself too hard) If it's your overall looks you're worried about, try getting a new haircut or a new outfit. But most importantly is Be Brave! You can't succeed unless you fail; and you can't fail unless you try! ;-) We're rooting for you!
He who knows your pain,
James Rednok

 

[soulasylum85]

'Discover' Henry Rollins.
That worked for me.

your a LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry it was a henry rollins song couldnt resist!

 

[Rheden_Sol]

Weeeell.
I think, that,
First off. Maybe exercise and work out and all that.
Lift some weights, push ups.
You'll become more attractive, learn some discipline if you stick to a routine and your brain'll release chemicals that'll make you feel happier and healthier. Worked for me.

For the girl part, it seems a lot of people nowadays are too subtle, try to weave too fine a thread when they find a lead. If you're more forward and make your intentions clear, with some smoothness synthesised into it, it'll be a lot easier finding that lucky woman. At a younger age the problem with relationships is that they don't act naturally and overthink. Sometimes y'just gotta turn off your mind and follow the pull of your emotions and instinct.