Respect

[Vuljatar]

I probably would have done the same, because it's such an unimportant thing that it's not worth contesting.

However, if I was feeling in a combative mood (which isn't that uncommon) I would have left it on all fucking day even in situations where I would normally take it off, just to spite the noisy old bag.

 

[Sad Robot]

Personally, I open doors for women and the elderly, give my seat to those who might need it more, ask if people need help in some small or trivial task etc. but I can't shake the nagging feeling that the way I behave isn't as much polite as it is sexist and ageist, even though most people seem to appreciate my behaviour.

I feel exactly the same. It's one of those weird things where you feel good when you do it, you feel even better when the small acknowledging smile or equivalent gesture of thanks is given to you, and then when you come to think about it you wonder how it is justifiable. Still, the kindness shown is positive discrimination so you reason that it isn't hurting anyone (likely a facile conclusion, but good enough to stop you changing your behaviour).

Oh, the myriad ways in which we justify our ways to ourselves!

 

[Fire Daemon]

There used to be a time when everyone wore a hat, everyone! With this came certain 'rules' of sorts, one of those is to take your hat off when inside. The grandmother would have grown up with these rules and so from her point of view it is rude to to wear a hate inside and I agree with her.

I too often see these 'I'm an individual cos I got me a Trilby' folks who don't observe proper protocols. Much like in the end of Aladin if you want the ability to wear a hat than you have to put up with the hassle. If you don't than you look like the kind of like people who wear something purely so that it reflects upon them, such as sunglasses at night or even worse those glasses without lenses. I hate, fucking hate, when people dress themselves up like that. If you want to wear a hat, fine I like hats, but don't wear it to so that people go 'Heh, that guy wears a hat so he must cool' and part of the requires taking the hat off.

I doubt that you (OP) didn't take it off because you were in a casual environment or because you usually don't need to take it off. The lady was being a little bit rude herself to ask you to take off the hat even though I do think it was justified. I wouldn't ask someone to take off one of those "It's not my fault you're stupid" T-Shirts (you know the ones, black with some 'witty' phrase that makes the wearer look like a twat) and neither would I ask them to take off a hat. If a person wants to dress like that, fine, but know that I want to destroy you.

 

[silasbufu]

So, I just had a kind of revelation. Recently my girlfriends grandma, who is 84, while we were at my girlfriends sisters house who happens to live with her boyfriend, who happens to be a very very good friend of mine, rudely said to me, "Hats are for outdoors, anytime you are indoors you need to take off a hat." I regularly wear a hat, and anytime I have been inside my buddy's house I have had a hat on. Now, I listened to her and respectively took off my hat for the evening. Since it was not her house, nor her right to request something like this would you, fellow Escapists have done the same thing. In retrospect I feel that I should not have, and will not in the future, follow her wishes unless it be in her own house.

What would/will you guys do?

You need to figure out if it's really worth starting an argument with this old woman, who is also your girlfriend's grandmother (if I understood correctly). I mean if she was just a random person it wouldn't matter, but your relationship could suffer because of your pride. Just take the damn hat off. It doesn't matter if it's her house or not. Most old people don't make sense anyway.

 

[Borrowed Time]

So, I just had a kind of revelation. Recently my girlfriends grandma, who is 84, while we were at my girlfriends sisters house who happens to live with her boyfriend, who happens to be a very very good friend of mine, rudely said to me, "Hats are for outdoors, anytime you are indoors you need to take off a hat." I regularly wear a hat, and anytime I have been inside my buddy's house I have had a hat on. Now, I listened to her and respectively took off my hat for the evening. Since it was not her house, nor her right to request something like this would you, fellow Escapists have done the same thing. In retrospect I feel that I should not have, and will not in the future, follow her wishes unless it be in her own house.

What would/will you guys do?

I would have taken my hat off. I may grumble and mumble to myself while putting on a false smile, but I'd take it off. Understanding where people come from is fairly important. Knowing that she lived in a different age and the reasons behind certain niceties may help you understand her point of view.

Sure, she could have been nicer about it, but responding rudely wouldn't have made the situation better. All it probably would have done was offend both her and perhaps your girlfriend. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and treat them with respect until they've proven otherwise. Even then, I'm sometimes a glutton for punishment (at least face to face) and tend to hold my tongue far longer then I probably should. It's not a matter of being self-depreciating or a "wuss", it's a matter of actually caring about other people to the extent that until they become abusive, I am willing to put my prideful arrogance and ego on hold for a time.

 

[mooncalf]

In the terms of that lady's thinking, it doesn't matter what house you are in, she was raised to believe that it is simply good manners to take your hat off inside. It rubs me the wrong way to be corrected about those sorts of things, especially when times have changed making it not so widespread a belief... If you want to keep your hat on, do so. Be prepared that some people might take offense, and be diplomatic with them if they do.

Another example of this is when I (jokingly) rib people about sitting on tables, since I was brought up to believe it's not nice to put your ass where people rest their hands and arms. I ultimately don't -REALLY- care, but some people might think it was unhygenic.

 

[TheSeventhLoneWolf]

Ask kindly for a biscuit. That makes most old people forget about everything.

 

[Bourne Endeavor]

Respect your elders? A statement I have come to loathe for its intended purpose essentially claims I must do regardless of the attitude in which they recuperate. I have established my own measure of respect in that everyone initially begins upon fifty which shall increase or decrease according. Should the latter occur, I care not for the individual's age, they were unsuccessful in achieving my respect, and I shall treat them as such.

To answer the topic at hand, I despise wearing hats (baseball caps and such), thus such would never become an issue.

Respect is to be earned, not demended.

Joke for the topic: "With great age, comes great wise; or greater levels of stupidity"

 

[stone0042]

She's 84, i say respect your elders. And plus, looks good for the girlfriend

 

[Robert632]

i'd do it, just because she has what, 4,maybe 5 years left to live. may as well.

 

[Quistnix]

I like my hat.

Major props for the XKCD reference!

I'd probably not even be wearing the hat. It's basic etiquette. When you're indoors (asides from public areas) and in elevators, you take of your hat. When you're greeting people, you take of your hat. That's just basic manners.

I agree she shouldn't make this request, but I also think she shouldn't have to.

 

[Julianking93]

Its just a hat. Who gives a fuck?

If you're with your friends why do they care if you wear a hat indoors?

 

[Quistnix]

If you're with your friends why do they care if you wear a hat indoors?

Probably not, but is that the point? They probably also wouldn't care if I'd excavate the contents of my nose while belching loudly, but I don't do that either. It's all just a matter of being respectful.

And I don't mean "respect" in the hiphop-ganstah "Show me some respect, biatch!" way. It's not about being the alpha male who has to enforce his own rules. To respect is to show we're all equal, not to establish who's boss.

 

[Julianking93]

If you're with your friends why do they care if you wear a hat indoors?

Probably not, but is that the point? They probably also wouldn't care if I'd excavate the contents of my nose while belching loudly, but I don't do that either. It's all just a matter of being respectful.

And I don't mean "respect" in the hiphop-ganstah "Show me some respect, biatch!" way. It's not about being the alpha male who has to enforce his own rules. To respect is to show we're all equal, not to establish who's boss.

Sorry, but I've never really gotten the whole "edict" and "respect" thing. I'm respectful and polite to people and I treat everyone as an equal, but I don't get how wearing a hat indoors is deemed as bad manners. Unless its a very noticeable hat like a top hat or a fedora. I usually wear beanies.

 

[Amnestic]

If you're with your friends why do they care if you wear a hat indoors?

Probably not, but is that the point? They probably also wouldn't care if I'd excavate the contents of my nose while belching loudly, but I don't do that either. It's all just a matter of being respectful.

And I don't mean "respect" in the hiphop-ganstah "Show me some respect, biatch!" way. It's not about being the alpha male who has to enforce his own rules. To respect is to show we're all equal, not to establish who's boss.

Sorry, but I've never really gotten the whole "edict" and "respect" thing. I'm respectful and polite to people and I treat everyone as an equal, but I don't get how wearing a hat indoors is deemed as bad manners. Unless its a very noticeable hat like a top hat or a fedora. I usually wear beanies.

I wear my Admiral's Hat indoors. Bad manners? No. Just awesome.

 

[Quistnix]

If you're with your friends why do they care if you wear a hat indoors?

Probably not, but is that the point? They probably also wouldn't care if I'd excavate the contents of my nose while belching loudly, but I don't do that either. It's all just a matter of being respectful.

And I don't mean "respect" in the hiphop-ganstah "Show me some respect, biatch!" way. It's not about being the alpha male who has to enforce his own rules. To respect is to show we're all equal, not to establish who's boss.

Sorry, but I've never really gotten the whole "edict" and "respect" thing. I'm respectful and polite to people and I treat everyone as an equal, but I don't get how wearing a hat indoors is deemed as bad manners. Unless its a very noticeable hat like a top hat or a fedora. I usually wear beanies.

Maybe it's because I mostly wear (quite noticeable) trilbies, but one of the ways to be polite to people I have is to take of my hat when greeting them.

By the way, taking of your hat was originally used to show trust and friendship, and originates from the time where warriors were wearing full helmets. It's a lot more easier to communicate if you take of your helmet, but you'd only do that if you didn't expect the other one to stab you in the eye. Thus, taking of your helmet for somebody meant the other one was either a friend or a honorable warrior, and became the sign of a gentlemen.

The habit stuck around when helmets were exchanged for hats.