Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[steeple]

granted, it's taken by the government a second later, and they give you an even crappier pc as compensation

I wish you would stop right there, criminal scum!

 

[pyramid head grape]

Granted. I pay with blood... but not mine.

I wish for a bug free Oblivion. >.>

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You become unaware of all that's going on around you. Also, there are no insects around.

I wish I did not have to analyse the crap out of an essay I barely understand.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. You have to analyze the pee out of it, which is also rather smelly.

I wish for more drinks with my name on them!

 

[steeple]

granted, they all taste just horrible, like they were made from human blood and flesh or something... (get where I'm going at?)

I wish all the cool kids were space-reptiles...

 

[VaudevillianVeteran]

Granted, now anyone who isn't a space-reptile are given wedgies on a daily basis.

I wish that I could nap...

 

[steeple]

granted, a lizard comes while you're napping and bites your head off...

I wish I had spare body-parts, just in case...

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but the have a bad case of mutation causing DNA that will turn you into a newt. You won't get better.

I wish for references.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. These obscure references make you feel like such a hipster. Your dislike of hipsters causes you to kill yourself.

I wish I could live forebber. :3

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you get to live for Ebber, but he is a harsh master and whips you once every hour.

I wish for a cheese that would never run out or go moldy so that I wouldn't have to buy cheese again because it's too damned expensive.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. You have the Infinite Kraft Singles. Possibly the nastiest American cheese ever, forever.

I wish for papers.

 

[Bishop99999999]

Granted, you've been summoned for a nationally televised congressional hearing on immoral use of the internet.

I wish for a ham sandwich.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted but the ham is posisoned. your welcome ^_^

I wish for more wishes

 

[pyramid head grape]

Granted. You have wishes that don't need granting... much like normal wishes! D:

I wish for a dictionary!

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, but its in Latin.

Wish for MOAR Wishes

 

[steeple]

granted, someone (might be me, probably not though) hits you to death with it...

EDIT: confound those ninjas...
granted, but you can only wish with them for even more wishes, creating and endless cycle of stupidity...


I wish for instant mail

 

[pyramid head grape]

Granted. mail so instant, it hurts seriously...

I wish to have a fast download speed.

 

[steeple]

granted, you enjoy the download speed so much now that you're inclined to download even more things. demo's and random stuff wont cut it anymore, and you search for music, movies and games to fill that hole, and soon you're download dozens of games a day. you get caught-up in it so badly, that you let it slip on the escapist, and once a mod sees it, he bans you...

now you dont have an account, HAPPY?!

I wish head-banging came without the pains (and still be fun as hell, of course)

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, but your computer blows up.

I wish for nothing.

 

[steeple]

granted, you get sucked into the vacuum that is created

I wish to walk on sunshine