Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[TheEmoSpeeds666]

Granted. You suffocate.

I wish for a cool hat.

 

[ZehMadScientist]

Granted, you obtain Yahtzee's. His wrath will be directed at you.

I wish for a real life zoom function in my eyes.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, every time you zoom you can never un-zoom.

I wish it was Friday.

 

[ZehMadScientist]

Granted, but you wouldn't know which seat to take! ...Oh God...why...

Uhm, I wish I had a pool of jelly in my backyard!

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, the jelly is piss flavored.

I wish to get a reply on the email I sent.

 

[Defective_Detective]

You recieve the email reply, but attached is a virus which wipes your hard drive.

I wish I could go back to the good old days...

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. You inadvertently cause a paradox that wipes you from existence.

I wish for more Skyrim mods.

 

[JLML]

Granted. They're all about the sexy mudcrabs.

I wish I had more Capteins.

 

[Timberwolf0924]

Granted, but.. I don't know what the hell that is..

I wish I was Deadpool (from xmen)

 

[JLML]

Granted, but you lack the regeneration, so you die. (Also, Zee Captein is... http://romanticallyapocalyptic.com/ just read that comic)

OT: I wish I could undestand people.

 

[Timberwolf0924]

Granted, but the understanding is to great and your break down, forever spending time in an asylum.

I wish for chocolate cake.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted. There is a small piece of chocolate, smaller than a Hershey Kiss, shaped like a cake.

I wish for disappointment.

 

[JLML]

Granted, but you get very satisfied by it.

I wish for more cakes to throw in Para's face.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but he throws them in your face before you have the chance to throw them in his.

I wish for brownies.

 

[ZehMadScientist]

Granted, but you can't eat them.

I wish I could meet Keanu Reeves.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, you both die and meet in hell.

I wish there were more trees.

 

[mParadox]

Granted, but at the cost of water.

I wish for Swiss chocolates.

 

[Hoiafar]

Granted, however, the provider thought you said Swiss Cheese. So now you have some very old cheese that somehow tastes like chocolate, but is covered with knives.

I wish JLML would get out of my appartment.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. He goes to your parents' house.

I wish, I wish, I was a fish!

Spoiler

 

[JLML]

Granted. I'll eat you for dinner tonight. ^-^

I wish I could remember that which I'd like to remember and forget that which I don't.