Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: ...

Granted, hoped you enjoyed it, now crank up the death metal!

I wish it would be quite for one hour.

 

[Hemlock]

Granted, you are asleep during that hour.
I wish for more cowbell.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, the cowbell never ever stops.
I wish for prettyful fingernails.

 

[Fractral]

Spoiler

Was this what you ordered?
I wish for some manly chest hair.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, you now have hair everywhere, like a wookie.

I wish for smooth legs.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. You can't clean it due to everything just sliding off.

I wish for some love.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted

Spoiler: Love pure and simple

I wish I had never seen that video.

 

[Jolly Co-operator]

Granted. Instead of watching that video, you watched "2 Girls, 1 Cup" . . . while eating chocolate ice cream.

I wish Nintendo would just tell us what type Sylveon is already!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but they have to kill you after revealing it.

I wish I could come up with better ways to ruin wishes when drunk.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but you are now perma-sober.

I wish for disappointment.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted here is a gluten free piece of bread.
It was more disappointing that you could even begin to wish for.

I wish for more great music.

 

[Fractral]

Granted, but as you are deemed to impure to listen to it, you'll never get to hear it. Guess you'll just have to stick to what the rest of us listen to.

I wish for some hot chocolate.

 

[Porygon-2000]

Granted. You wanted it in your lap, right?

I wish I spoke latin

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, unfortunately I misheard you, you now speak pig Latin.

I wish my charger wasn't broken.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted, the charger isn't broken, the device is.

I wish I was clever.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, you are now clever... from a monkey's perspective.

I wish for infinite tic tacs.

 

[deserteagleeye]

Granted, cept now they're covered in severed toes.

I wish I could find my keys.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, now they don't fit anything.

I wish I could open locks with my mind.

 

[Jolly Co-operator]

Granted, now they don't fit anything.

I wish I could open locks with my mind.

Granted. But now you have no hands with which to turn the doorknob.

I wish I could instantly refill my coffee mug at will.

 

[MetaKnight670]

Granted. But you can only fill it with pure lard, and that is all that you may have in your cup.

I wish I could have a decent cup of coffee before work in the morning.