Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[kailus13]

Granted, now you can only drink coffee just before work.

I wish the eyeball badges would stop staring at me.

 

[DrunkOnEstus]

Granted, but only because they're in your pants now.

I wish Dark Souls 2 came out tomorrow.

 

[Legion]

Granted, but only because they're in your pants now.

I wish Dark Souls 2 came out tomorrow.

Granted, but it will only have an ultra easy mode.

I wish I didn't have work tomorrow.

 

[Porygon-2000]

Granted, you're fired!

I wish I'd written my essay sooner.

 

[MetaKnight670]

Granted, but it is just a rant on how much you hate your professor with lots of creative expletives and you can't erase it or do another one.

I wish there were new episodes of Dave the Barbarian.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, it's a gritty reboot where Dave's sisters die in the first episode.

I wish to have pet ferrets.

 

[Zantos]

Granted, they are possessed by daemons and every night try to break free to devour you. Their eyes even glow red, it's really quite disturbing, plus the glowing red keeps you up all night.

I wish someone would give me a job.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. Hope you like working for no money.

I wish to be a god.

 

[Euryalus]

Granted, but your solipsism's version of god

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metaphysical_solipsism

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Your wish has been granted.. except you didn't actually make a wish, so you miss out on all the spoils. Sucks to be you.

I wish my fingers weren't so cold all the time.

 

[MetaKnight670]

Granted. They aren't cold anymore because you simply had them removed, therefore you can't feel them being cold anyways.

I wish that I could be a Pokemon trainer for real.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but you're one of those odd folks that just stand stock still in some grass with a single low-level Rattata, getting asswhooped but all that pass by.

I wish for three wishes.

 

[MetaKnight670]

Granted. But you may only use those wishes on different ways to physically dismember yourself. So, there is that.

I wish I was more well known.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, enjoy the hundreds of stalkers.

I wish to no longer be sick.

 

[MetaKnight670]

Granted, you are now dead.

I wish the good movies would actually be released in my home town theater.

 

[Teoes]

Granted. Coming soon[footnote]in fifty years[/footnote] to a cinema near you!

I wish for a pen that never runs out of ink.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, it has no nib.

I wish I didn't have to fill in captchas.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. I hope you like playing a chess grandmaster.

I wish for some more patience.

 

[Teoes]

Granted - you are now a saint and, therefore, dead.

I wish for Miracle of Goats to be my ringtone.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, but now it never stops playing.

I wish for a monkey butler.