Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Teoes]

Granted; shame someone went number two on it.

I wish to have all the things.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, you are now crushed underneath them.

I wish for chocolate.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted, but you're now faced with more chocolate than you can stomach. You want to stop eating, but your body won't let you. It wants to consume ALL the chocolate~

I wish my skin wasn't so dry.

 

[MetaKnight670]

Granted, you are now water.

I wish that I could go to sleep now.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted, but you'll never wake up.

I wish my headache would go away.

 

[Teoes]

Granted by way of this wonderful device - allow me to introduce you to the guillotine..

I wish to be a polyglot.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted.. But you frequently muddle your languages, so nobody can understand anything you say.

I wish I could clear my gaming backlog.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, by taking your games away.

I wish I wasn't so easily distracted.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted... you focus on one thing for the rest of your life, leading you to become an addicted hobo.

I wish that TV was better.

 

[Teoes]

Granted but the picture quality is just terrible.

I wish I had telekinetic powers.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, they are uncontrollable.

I wish for a pet dolphin.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, the dolphin is dead. Probably should have asked for a live one.

I wish for some pancakes.

 

[kailus13]

Granted. Why you want cake shaped pans is beyond me.

I wish for cheese.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted the are made with the meat of the dolphin.

I wish I was better a water skiing.

 

[Dead Seerius]

Granted, but now you live in the desert.

I wish it would stop raining.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, it will never rain again. You've condemned the earth to become an arid wasteland. Congratulations, you monster.

I wish that humans didn't have to sleep.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Granted but umm... ever read the Creepypasta story 'The Russian Sleep Experiment'... yeah... its a bit like that. Have fun with that.

I wish the ME3 endings didn't suck so bad (even after the EC).

 

[staika]

Granted but the new ending is only available by selling your soul to EA.

I wish that my downloads were faster

 

[TheDoctor455]

Granted, but they now download directly into your brain... slowly replacing all of your treasured childhood and adolescent memories... and 'your first time'. Enjoy!

I wish the Ruin-A-Wish Foundation was uncorrupted.

 

[staika]

granted, congratulations you have destroyed the very fabric of reality.

I wish I had more money