Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[kailus13]

Granted, it's urine flavoured.

I wish for headphones.

 

[Fractral]

Granted. For your enjoyment and safety of hearing, the volume is set permanently to the lowest setting. Enjoy!

I wish for my exams to go away.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted. Now you get quizzes that are worth 80% of your final mark without warning every month.

I wish for time to go faster.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. But only for you, so you feel a thousand years in the time it takes for a millisecond to pass by.

I wish to honor Redlin and Para.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but then we never post again. D:

I wish for a friend to return.

 

[Headsprouter]

Okay, but he or she will have outgrown you. PHYSICALLY.

I wish for a full stomach.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted it is now filled WITH BEES!

I wish blues music was more prominent.

 

[Neuromancer]

Granted. Blues music is now the new mainstream. As a result, all the talentless hacks that sing pop revert to blues, subsequently ruining it forever.

I wish for the ultimate and irreversible destruction of reality itself.

 

[Zantos]

Granted, however since reality has no physicality and is simply an abstract concept we use to determine and classify our surroundings in relation to what is 'real' and 'not real', nothing changes except a handful of philosophy papers and textbooks.

I wish that the real part of any non-trivial zero of the Riemann zeta function is 1/2.

 

[Fractral]

Granted, but now 1/2 is the only number you are capable of writing, speaking or thinking.

I wish I understood what that guy said.

 

[Neuromancer]

Granted, but, like in Lovecraftian literature, understanding drives you insane, and you end up being locked in a cell in an Asylum, where, unable to bear the truth, you commit suicide.

I wish I was Yog-Sothoth.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but you are trapped outside our universe, and can never escape.

I wish I had a Chinese meal.

 

[Headsprouter]

Granted, enjoy the tapeworm!

I wish I had a prehensile tail.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but Yajirobe cuts it off.

I wish Wolfmother would settle their differences and get back together.

 

[thenageone]

granted but their new work is lackluster and their live performances are lifeless.

i wish that i could fully quit smoking

 

[Headsprouter]

Okay, but now you're addicted to PATCHES!

I WISH I COULD STAHP USING CAPS LOCK

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted you are now a grammar Nazi.

I wish for a musical interlude.

 

[Headsprouter]

I always was a grammar Nazi.


I wish I could play an instrument.

 

[thenageone]

granted. but should you play in public you will explode immediately

i wish i had a catchy theme song

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but it gets on everyone's nerves and they decide to lock you up forever because of it.

I wish life had subtitles.