Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[kailus13]

Granted, they're in a language no-one understands.

I wish not to be ninja'd on this post.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but the thread dies instead.

I wish I had magic powers.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, you now pee sour milk.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

 

[Living_Brain]

Will posting overcome the evil hamsters?

EDIT: YES!
Alright, OT: Granted. You're never tired ever again, but you still experience the effects of sleep deprivation.

I wish the threads I used to visit would stop being plagued by hamsters.

 

[thenageone]

granted, theyre plagued by owls

i wish i had something to read

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but all you have to read is a thread that spoils every single show, film and book you are looking forward to.

I wish I could dance.

 

[Headsprouter]

Granted, but you didn't say well!

I wish for a badonkadonk.

 

[Fractral]

Granted, you now have a very nice badonkadonk growing out of your forehead.

I wish I could speak German properly.

 

[thenageone]

granted, but now you smell like a powerful blue cheese every time you utter a german word.

i wish i had some bacon

 

[Headsprouter]

@Fractral Noo! I'm Magmar!

*Hands you a charred, shrunken, pitful excuse for pig flesh*

I wish I was a fish!

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted here's one; two; a red one and a blue one.

I wish upon a star.

 

[kailus13]

You've just wasted a wish.

I wish the captchas would go away.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted, but you've just unleashed hell in your brain.

I wish for better micro skills!

 

[Neuromancer]

Granted, but now every time you want to play Meepo someone else picks him before you. He always feeds and you always lose the game because of him.

I wish for the situation to be reviewed.

 

[Cloudydays]

"the situation" was reviewed and gained negative ratings across the board. No units of "the situation" were sold and the company flopped in debt for years on end.

I wish for a glass of water.

 

[Neuromancer]

Granted, but the water is sea water taken from the coast full of nuclear waste.

I wish that outside my mind, nothing is real.

 

[Cloudydays]

Granted, outside of your mind, nothing is real. My confirming this makes your mind realize it and thus the illusion disappears and you fall into eternal limbo.

I wish I had better headphones.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, enjoy the ear infections that come with those new implants.

I wish for Sunnydays.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, thanks for ruining the nice summer we were enjoying for a while.

I wish the violinist busker outside to be a little louder so I could hear her better.