Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[TheRiddler]

Granted. You are now locked in a room, strapped to a chair, watching Nathan Fillion be captain of a spaceship for the rest of your life.

I wish that each haircut I get looks good.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted but they only look good to blind people.

I wish that the person who came up with those video advertisements that start playing automatically would just die.

 

[SirDerpy]

Granted. They died. Unfortunately, the person who came up with the idea also will invent time travel, and his son goes back in time to uninvent the entire internet in the name of "unnecessarily thorough revenge". Then the universe explodes in the microwave of a 4th dimensional centaur.

I wish that I didn't have a headache right now.

 

[TheRiddler]

Granted. Can't have a headache if you don't have a head...

I wish I could whistle songs.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but you can only whistle at the frequency that is going to send many dogs after you.

I wish I could have background music following me around which I could change to my liking whenever I want.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted but you can't turn it of which means you will never be able to sleep again.

I wish it isn't necessary to go out and buy new socks.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but its just a mirror.

I wish for less doubts.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but your new found conviction gives you a terrifying outlook on life.

I wish trolls were more subtle like the good old days.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the internet has now become a sea of digital bridges... (I wouldn't cross any of them if I were you...)

I wish for the power of hypnotism!

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but it's so effective, you end up hypnotizing yourself. You are now in a permanent coma.

I wish I could be a sexy sax man.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted, but people only find your sax sexy and want nothing to do with you

I wish for a million bucks.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted!
However... since we did not know what you meant by "a million bucks", we decided to give you a million pairs of

Spoiler: this

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/09/57/30/095730fe69336d4d778047027c2b04bc.jpg

instead...

I wish to always "keep it real"!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted now everything is boring and normal.

I wish my other computer was working right now.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it will only work for the "other you" from another dimension...

I wish Thanksgiving was the new Black Friday!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted, but black friday will become the new thanksgiving.

I wish to be the greatest warrior that ever lived!

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted!

I hope you have an adamantine pelvis!

I wish this thread would start over.

 

[FPLOON]

<link=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/362.253098-Ruin-A-Wish-Foundation?page=1>Granted, the reset will create a paradox that can only be stopped if you die by both "candy" and "TV"...

I wish to be the one who knocks!

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, you now only communicate with people through knock-knock jokes.

I wish I could have all of the abilities that people pretend Chuck Norris has.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you will then get your ass kicked by just the fist in Chuck Norris' beard... since you do not have that particular ability because of how real it actually is...

I wish I was in a Robot Chicken sketch!