Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Barbas]

Granted. Enjoy being attacked by Bob the Builder!

I wish I had a grilled salmon.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted but the salmon fillet will reanimate and kick your arse.

I wish I had a wise master Sheifu to train me in Kung Fu/martial arts.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, he's VERY xenophobic to the point that he's trying to kill you through unkind slurs and insults... on top of barely training you because he's THAT xenophobic...

I wish there was no such thing as "Daylight Saving Time"!

 

[Twintix]

Granted. Now there's a "Moonlight Saving Time" instead that does practically the same thing.

I wish people would stop making Anita Sarkeesian threads as soon as she opens her mouth.

 

[Schadrach]

Granted, now they make those threads continuously, *only* stopping when she opens her mouth.

I wish I were happy.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted you were happy. No you will be miserable for the rest of your live.

I wish I had better social skills.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

While you think your social skills have improved, the wish was granted in such a way that your skills stayed the same, everyone elses' dropped until they were worse than yours.

I wish I had a stronger back.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can't properly show off your stronger back because the rest of your body got crushed by said "stronger back"...

I wish to not go into the woods!

 

[Twintix]

Granted. The woods go into you instead. Now your view will be blocked by trees for the rest of your life.

I wish I had something delicious to eat right now.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Salmonella makes everything taste better!

I wish my Christmas tree was decorated.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted it was decorated with real candles and now it's on fire.

I hope I do well today.

 

[Headsprouter]

You will, by a beggar's standards.

I wish for a montage.

 

[Barbas]

Very well. I present a montage of the world's most explosive projectile vomiting attacks.

I wish for tank of tropical fish.

 

[Headsprouter]

Here's a tank with a few goldfish I painted rainbow colours. They might be dead.

I wish for MOAR TESTOSTERONE!

 

[FPLOON]

Introducing MOAR TESTOSTERONE®! It's gives you MOAR TESTOSTERONE for the low low price of <color=red>YOUR SOUL!!
(Side effects include loss of physical body functions, imploding muscles, and artificial eternal depression...)

I wish the sun will come out yesterday!

 

[Twintix]

Granted. But it won't come out today.

I wish I was better at making decisions.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, your first decision is to become indecisive afterwards! <color=white>The End!

I wish to know what "happiness" truly means!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Happiness comes from an ancient Norwegian tradition in which you are tied up in a public square and stabbed to death with icepicks made from frozen urine.

I wish to touch the sky.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you are now married to a Kardashian... because only "Kanyes" wish to touch the sky these days...

I wish for a better wish!

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but your new wish is only better for everyone else. For you, it's actually pretty bad.

I wish the people in my town were capable of being aware of other drivers on the road.