Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. You now have a hole in your shoe instead.

I wish this was all a dream.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted you are now beloved by Acute lymphoblastic leukemia

I wish I would fall to sleep faster.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. You get bitten by a tsetse fly and contract sleeping sickness.

I wish for Peking duck.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted! Sadly for you, I'm a bit of a cannibal. After eating your tongue and digesting it, what was left of your taste buds came out of a very personal place for me and then entered the sewer system.

For your trouble I wish you were reincarnated as a rich, sexy, and famous movie star!

 

[FPLOON]

Despite the trouble that comes with "reincarnation" in general, that wish was granted... Unfortunately, just like Moe, nobody likes them to the point that not even the most desperate of beings would even want to blow out the "candles" off their "birthday cake", if you know what I mean...

Regardless, I still wish to be a Futanari!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. You are now burned at the stake for being an abomination.

I wish every one would do what I tell them to do.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. But they only do what you tell them. Without your input they wither and die leaving you alone.

I wish I was Batman!

 

[Barbas]

Granted. You are now a bat with the head of a man.

I wish I had a fish supper.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. Here have some fugu I made for you. No I am not qualified to prepare it. Why would that even be necessary?

I wish to be a fighter pilot.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted. The bad news is that you didn't specify which type of fighter you wanted to pilot, so now you're expected to 'pilot' wrestlers. It's rumoured that The Rock will be your first!

I wish I wasn't ill with the flu.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Have some diarrhea.

I wish I had another pair of pants.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted. But, they don't fit - your hips are too big.

I wish I had a better singing voice.

 

[Barbas]

As a harpy, you now have a singing voice that will carry for miles.

I wish I had a map.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. However, the map maker knew nothing about the area being mapped.

I wish for a star to wish on.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. It appears to be screaming directly toward Earth with a vengeance.

I wish for a quadruple-barreled shotgun.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. None of the barrels line up with the firing mechanism.

I wish for an easier to follow tax code.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. We have moved your place of residence to the moon. Tax is a dollar a month. Yay!

I wish for Spielberg to make another good movie.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but Lucas comes in and ruins it again.

I wish for a successful job in film.