Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Xpwn3ntial]

Granted but you are the first to go.

I wish for vampires.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but they just drop you off a cliff instead of biting you.

I wish for Frankenstien.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you get the good doctor's decayed body. His monster then squishes your head.

I wish to stumble upon a college girl pillow fight.

 

[Thatguykalem]

Granted, but the pillows are filled with pennies, and they beat you to death.

I wish I didn't have to wait for Halo 4 to be released.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, you get a broken unplayable copy of the work in progress that leaves you frustrated and spoiling all the surprises within the game ruining any potential pleasurable experiences when it is released for the public.

I wish for manageable hair.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted, but it can only be managed with excessive love and care and a little bit of cash too?

I wish for no ponies.

 

[Kieros]

Granted. There are no more ponies. In fact, ponies never existed! Which means that horses never existed. Which means that glue never existed.

By the way, did you know your house was built using only glue to connect wood? Which means it is now a giant pile on top of you? Good.

I wish my computer was faster than a barrel of molasses.
At night.
In the middle of winter.
Of the South Pole.
Of Pluto.
On a good day.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted, but its incredible speeds allow it to become sentient? Oh no! It plots your demise.

I wish for a?new?paper.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but you don't like its sound.

I wish for a fluffy puffy pillowy bed.

 

[Heartcafe]

Granted, but it's full of bed bugs.

I wish for a kitten :3

 

[M0rp43vs]

Granted but know it eventually grows into a fussy cat. It'll torture you daily but before you retaliate it will do something adorable reminding you of the time it was a kitten and you will instantly forgive it.
This will go on till both of you reach a grand old age and you look back on your life with your companion cat on your lap. Then both of you will pass gently in your sleep :'(

I wish I knew what to have for dinner

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you're having Heartcafe's dead cat.

I wish for a hot girl to be at the other side of the rainbow.

 

[Hyperrhombus]

Granted, but in doing so you have destroyed the sun, plunging the earth into darkness.

I wish for science.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. Science eats your family.

I wish for more money.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted. It is Monopoly money.

I wish for the Simpsons.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you get the Simpsons injected into your blood stream and it kills you.

I wish for a date for tomorrow.

 

[Gypsy Ninja Pirate Zombie King]

Granted, it's with your mom.

I wish skyrm was out already.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but the mailman won't let you have it.

I wish I had five more arms.

 

[Heartcafe]

Granted, but you become a 7-armed octopus that will become M0rp43vs's appetizer.

I wish I had some sushi.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but I take it and eat it.

I wish for more.