Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted. And by awhile, I assume you meant once in every heat death of the universe.

I wish for Sofa.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but it's attached to the ceiling. Not much use up there..

I wish for phenomenal cosmic power.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. You have the power to create pretty lights inside the sun.

I wish I had a sleep.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, you enjoyed it so much that you decided to never wake up.

I wish I knew how to be happy.

 

[Teoes]

Granted. You know how to be happy, but that doesn't actually make you any happier.

I wish I could fart confetti.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, but you will do so consistently throughout the next funeral you attend.

I wish I knew how to hypnotise people.

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Granted, but they will not obey your command, but instead just stand there, being hypnotised and doing nothing.

I wish for Cheese!

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but you get blue cheese and that shit's rank, yo[footnote]Actually the last blue cheese I tried wasn't half bad.[/footnote].

I wish for one million dollars.

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Granted! You get fired the first hour.

I wish for sleep!

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but you never wake up. Oh, and you keep having really uncomfortable oedipal dreams.

I wish I could go super saiyan.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but your blood explodes out of your veins after the transformation. Your body temperature rose too high.

I wish for a microwave oven.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but it doesn't come with a protective screen.

I wish I had better handwriting.

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Granted, but you don't know how to write! In fact, you don't even know how to form words on paper, but you do still have a pretty good looking handwriting.

I wish I had a bag of goodies.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but the kid you just stole it from is crying and his parents are giving you filthy looks. Pretty sure the Dad could have you.

I wish everyone was as awesome as I am.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. Now everyone has blurry faces. Thanks, Teoes.

I wish people were smarter.

 

[Teoes]

Granted. Oh Christ, the smugness and arrogance is unbearable. Just because people are smarter, doesn't mean they agree - and now they all think they're right and know better!

I wish people were dumberer.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Wish.exe has encountered a divide by zero error. If the problem persists, please contact 666-SELL-SOUL.

I wish people wouldn't wish for impossible things.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. Now the magical wish-granters here can follow a completely logical and realistic plan.

I wish for faster internet.

 

[BQE]

Granted. Too bad the outages are constant.

I just wish I had more time.