Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[skurz]

Granted, but you will forget your original form and live the rest of your life as an animal (although some might consider this a good wish still)

I wish that all entertainment was free.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but your experiment in shapeshifting into a set of bathroom scales doesn't work out quite as hoped and you're scarred for life. Ninja'd!

Granted but those complaining about piracy all this time were right and the resultant destruction of IP ruins the arts and entertainment industries.

I wish I could pee the length of a football pitch.

2nd edit: nicely done Skurz, ninjaing two people!

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Granted, but you have to pee all the time.

I wish to be a spirit of winter.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, however it is the summer, so you start to reenact the final scene of the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz.

I wish I could figure out problems a lot quicker.

 

[Teoes]

Granted but your reputation means everyone comes to you with their problems and it just makes you sullen, jaded and misanthropic. You start to figure out the problems, but the answer is not what you actually tell people.

I wish I could talk to animals.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, but all the animals turn out to be arseholes who plot to eat everyone's faces.

I wish I could move things with the will of my mind.

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Granted, however you cannot move something that you could not move with your own physical strength, meaning that the more you use your power, the weaker it could get from the negligence of improving your own physical strength.

I wish that Pokémons were real.

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

Granted, but now governments around the world are using those poor Pokémon for military purposes, are you happy now?

I wish to open the gates of Hell, unleashing death and destruction upon mankind

 

[EeveeElectro]

Granted, but they see you and are offended by your face so kill you then go home.

I wish I was smmmmokin' hawt!

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, you are now on fire.

I wish I had telekinesis.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but you can't exactly control it. Your attempts to wow crowds by moving objects with your mind are distinctly less impressive when said objects smack you in the face and kill a number of bystanders.

I wish I could post smilies here like the spambots can[footnote]Disclaimer: I DON'T! Am merely saying so for the purposes of the game. Please ruin that wish well for me..[/footnote].

 

[KOMega]

Granted, your account is hacked and used as a spambot. I have no idea what spambot smilies are, but you can use those too.

I wish I had some ice cream.

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Granted, but its the flavour that you hate.

I wish I was still laning with my friends.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but the game of choice is stuck on Kane & Lynch 2.

I wish I had a prehensile tail.

 

[KOMega]

Granted. A hand grows out of your lower backside.

I wish I could make up my mind faster.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but the decision is ALWAYS 'sausages'.

I wish I could conjure sausages into existence with willpower alone.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, but eating them will trigger a time paradox and the explosion of the universe.

I still wish I could predict the future, so as not to be ninja'd henceforth. >.>

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but you can't do anything to alter the future and can no longer post due to the hamster strike.

I wish for tactical socks.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but they're powered by car batteries. Walking is a bit awkward.

I wish I had enough time to catch up on all the TV I want to watch.

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Granted, but you will turn into a fat couch potato that will be unable to get up and your stuck watching shitty drama shows.

I wish I didn't have school tomorrow.