Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Teoes]

Granted but it comes with noxious flatulence. Everywhere there is a smelly guff, people will think you're present.

I wish I could ruin the next poster's wish.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but only if you post after me.

I wish that I didn't have to make a wish.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted, you now make demands.

I wish I was better at Dota 2.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but no-one else plays it any more.

I wish I could come up with a better way to ruin someone's wish.

 

[Rowan93]

Granted, but the only thoughts you're now capable of are along the lines of "how can this be ruined?".

I wish mecha got an exception to the square/cube law so that they could exist and be awesome.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but they go on a rampage and kill everyone in horrible wars.

I wish for boar.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, a horde of 3,000 boar will now follow you wherever you go.

I wish I could play every instrument known to man like a pro.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, you can now play every instrument (even mayonnaise) like a pro-wrestler.
You are not good at wrestling, but you can play instruments as if you were a pro-wrestler.

I wish dust wouldn't collect on my things.

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

Granted but now dust shall collect on you

I wish I was the greatest swordsman in the land

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted, you are now the greatest swordsman in all of North Korea.

I wish I won't go to Hell.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, you are banned from ever entering Michigan.

I wish I could find my samurai.

 

[Evil Smurf]

I have it, it's mine now. Go away you stupid man.

I wish for leather trousers.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but they happen to be the legendary Pants of Precipitation, so there will always be a rain-cloud following you.

I wish for faster humanity farming in Dark Souls.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but you're never allowed to quite the game and it drives you mad.

I wish I could do Jedi mind tricks.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but it only works on children.

I wish for more carrots.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Here you go!

I wish people could think of more clever ways to ruin wishes on this thread.

 

[White Lightning]

Granted, go fuck yourself.

I wish the next poster has a cat avatar.

 

[Teoes]

YOUR WISH IS RUINED!

I wish I could've followed the thread's rules there.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, the thread's rules changed briefly to match your post, but it didn't work so well so it was changed back.

I wish I could get more sleep.

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

Granted, but you shall now never wake up

I wish for the ability to shapeshift into anything I want