Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[JasonKaotic]

Granted. You will find a mountain of cocaine on your doorstep.

I wish I could not go to work tomorrow and still get paid.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

GRANTED! You get maternal leave, your pregnant! Prepare for nine months of the agaonizing miracle that is life.

Who's the father? It doesn't matter.

Wait, your a girl right? Because the baby will have a much... smaller passage to exit through otherwise.

I wish I could instantly know people's genders over the internet.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted. You now know that everyone is generless. This is because you are talking to aliens who are on the other side of the simulation which they are testing you with. You are nothing but an experiment. Even now, what I am saying to you is only to observe your reaction.

I wish that my pizza would just make itself so that I didn't have to get up and cook it.

 

[FliedLiverAttack]

Spoiler: Granted.

Unfortunately it tends to be aggressive.

I wish I could fall asleep already.

 

[Zombie_Fish]

*cocks shotgun* Granted, ************.

I wish I didn't have to get up early tomorrow.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted. You don't have to get up at all... ever again!

I wish my chair was slightly more comfortable.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted it is so comfortable that you never want to get out of it. So your muscles grow weak and wither away.

I wish I wasn't feeling so down.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted. You are now feeling significantly more up due to being strapped to a rocket that is shooting up into space.

I wish the next poster wouldn't ruin this wish.

 

[Protocol95]

Granted. Unfortunately your attempt to anger me with a wish I can't ruin has impressed me so much that I'm now jubilant.

I wish to experience ultimate despair.

 

[The Squid King]

Granted, but nothing changes. This leads to the ultimate existential crisis.

I wish for more wishes

 

[SirDerpy]

Granted. You receive 2.5 more wishes, all of which will continue to be ruined by others.

I wish that I could tell if it's worth it or not at a glance.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. It's always worth it even if you lose everything you hold dear.

I wish I was good at everything.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but English professors around the world have united in changing the definition of good to mean: extremely shitty in every way.

I wish for a lifetime supply of tacos!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted but they are all psychic.

I wish I was indestructible

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted. Your body is now made entirely of some new, indestructible metal. You are now a sentient statue and essentially, a vegetable.

I wish for a dinner plate that could materialize any food I wanted.

 

[Silence]

Granted, but every food tastes like plastic.
CAPTCHA: Because of too many cooks. Nice one, Captcha.

I wish that I'm not so easily distracted.

 

[Malbourne]

Granted. You can focus on anything you put your mind to. Any one thing. Forever and ever until your eyes turn to dust.

I wish I had the soul of a poet.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Congradulations Mohamed Rashid al-Ajami, I hope you like your 15 year prison sentence in Qatar!

I wish for more people to use the Forum Games.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they will fill up the Forum Games with sexist/racist-related forum games threads and the like...
(Sounds like a gay old time in my book!)

I wish for CRYSTALS!!!