Science and maths jokes anyone?

[BlackJackFrak]

Heres the challenge, to find good jokes about science and maths. I know that they are few and far between but id like to hear some new ones!

Ive got two:
An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. The first one asks for a pint, the second one says " ill have half of what hes having", so the bar man says " You are all idiots" and pulls two pints. (Respect to Bill Bailey for that one)

I wish i was DNA helicase, so i could unzip your genes!

There have got to be better ones than that around.

 

[Cyberius]

Particle physics give me a hadron ^_^

 

[A Weary Exile]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and the bartender says "No charge for you."

 

[XJ-0461]

I've got quite a few, mainly due to science teachers:

Gold walks into a bar and the barman says "AU! Get out!"

And

What does a physicist have for lunch? Fission chips!

 

[DragonsAteMyMarbles]

A group of mathematical functions are at a party.
In the corner, ex stands bitter and alone.
Noticing this, 10x wanders over to him.
"Come on, integrate yourself", she says.
"Why?" responds ex, "it wouldn't make any difference if I did."

Nerd, and proud of it!

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Let epsilon be less than zero...

 

[TheNamlessGuy]

DELETED

 

[Hutchy_Bear]

 

[FightThePower]

Two cats on a roof. Which one stays on the longest?

The one with the biggest mu.

 

[Valate_v1legacy]

Particle relationships 101: Don't go out with antimatter; it can only "sting" you in the end.

 

[ICantBelieveItGoesBoom]

A chemist challenges a physicist to a water drinking contest. The chemist walks up to the bar and says "I'll have a glass of H20". The physicist walks up to the bar and says "I'll have a glass of H20 too".

The chemist won.

 

[crimson5pheonix]

A chemist challenges a physicist to a water drinking contest. The chemist walks up to the bar and says "I'll have a glass of H20". The physicist walks up to the bar and says "I'll have a glass of H20 too".

The chemist won.

Puntastic!

 

[The_Healer]

Q: Why was Max Planck a great physicist?

Spoiler

He was not easily bored.

 

[Irridium]

"Two protons walk into a bar. One says "I think I lost an electron." The other says "are you sure?" The first one says "I'm Positive."

And one time during math class my math teacher asked me to go to the board and solve a problem. He said to find "x"
I pointed to it and said "There it is"

He facepalmed and the class laughed. Now he says solve for "x"

 

[teutonicman]

Q:Why was 6 afriad of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9.
BA-DUM-TISH!

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Physics: Measure with a micrometer, mark with chalk, cut with an axe.

Why did 6 look nervous? Because 7 8 9.

Why did 288 get banned in Australia? Because it was too gross.

Theorem. A cat has nine tails.

Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails. QED

There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think binarily and those who can't...

The UK Minister of Education is hiring a new mathematics tsar. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.
All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"
The pure mathematician: "It's one."
The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."
The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"

 

[4RT1LL3RY]

A room temperature super conductor walks into a bar, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." The super conductor puts up no resistance.

 

[Woodsey]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

 

[Trivun]

The UK Minister of Education is hiring a new mathematics tsar. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.
All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"
The pure mathematician: "It's one."
The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."
The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"

And knowing us Brits and the government's love of spin, no doubt they hired the statistician... :s

How many Mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler: Answer...

0.999... (recurring)