Science and maths jokes anyone?

[ICantBelieveItGoesBoom]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I thought I was the only one. . .

 

[Hippobatman]

One atom to the other:
"I think I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" The other replies.
"I'm postive!"

Badum-tish!

 

[Zero47]

the robot that makes really bad jokes. :/

"I once visited a crematorian that gave discounts to burn victims" - I thought that was fucking hilarious. Or "I was going to attend the clairvoyant's meeting, but it was cancelled due to unforseen events."

I don't get the mathmathician's joke either, please do explain.

 

[Redingold]

A room temperature super conductor walks into a bar, the bartender says, "We don't server your kind. The super conductor puts up no resistance.

Wrong way round. Super conductors at room temperature have lots of resistance. They must be super cooled before they have no resistance.

 

[tmujir955]

Girls = Time x Money (girls require time and money)
Time = Money (famous saying)
Girls = Money^2 (substitution)
Money = root of all evil (saying)

therefore

Girls = (root of evil)^2
Girls = evil

Where's my cookie?

 

[ICantBelieveItGoesBoom]

Girls = Time+ Money (girls require time and money)
Time = Money (famous saying)
Girls = Money^2 (substitution)
Money = root of all evil (saying)

therefore

Girls = (root of evil)^2
Girls = evil

Where's my cookie?

Spoiler: Go Ahead, you deserve them

 

[Trivun]

Anyone who doesn't understand the OP's joke about the infinite mathematicians and the two pints should take a look here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hilbert%27s_paradox_of_the_Grand_Hotel

 

[Sebass]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I assume the joke is they each order half of what the previous one ordered. Don't get the 'idiots' part though ..

Edit: I HATE the tradition on this forum of posting those delicious delicious cookie pics .. They make me so damn hungry

 

[Woodsey]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I thought I was the only one. . .

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I assume the joke is they each order half of what the previous one ordered. Don't get the 'idiots' part though ..

I guess he's written it wrong then. I hope at least. Jokes shouldn't be this difficult!

 

[crimson5pheonix]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I thought I was the only one. . .

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I assume the joke is they each order half of what the previous one ordered. Don't get the 'idiots' part though ..

I guess he's written it wrong then. I hope at least. Jokes shouldn't be this difficult!

I believe part of the joke is that it's over done, so the barman of the joke has already had this pulled on him so he stops the mathematicians and gets on with his life.

 

[crudus]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I thought I was the only one. . .

That's because he sort of told it wrong in my opinion. It actually should go "infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar and the first one says 'ill have a beer', the second onesays 'ill have half a bear', the third one says 'i'll have a quarter of a bear'. The bartender says 'you are all idiots' and pours two beers". Since the series of they were using converges to two (meaning if you added it an infinite number of times you would get two) the bartender didn't take their orders because it was too convoluted and just poured two beers.

A man riding a train walks up to Einstein and asks "does New York stop at this train?"

Why are quantum physicists bad in bed?
When they find the right position they cant find the energy, but when they have the energy they cant find the right position.

 

[zimtheawesome]

the infinite mathematicians 'joke' is basically an infinite series. (1/n) n starts at 1, n goes to infinity, = approximately 2
its not really a joke, rather a simple way to describe infinite series to someone whoe doesnt know what they are.

 

[SomethingUnrelated]

Two atoms are sat in a bar. One says to the other "I've lost an electron", to which the second replies "Are you sure?". The first then assures "I'm positive".

XD

 

[tmujir955]

Girls = Time+ Money (girls require time and money)
Time = Money (famous saying)
Girls = Money^2 (substitution)
Money = root of all evil (saying)

therefore

Girls = (root of evil)^2
Girls = evil

Where's my cookie?

Spoiler: Go Ahead, you deserve them

Yay. Cookies!

 

[Lazy Kitty]

If you count programming:
"Looking back, C++ should've been named ++C."

 

[skywalkerlion]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and the bartender says "No charge for you."

You stole it from that robot in fallout 3, the robot that makes really bad jokes. :/

It was one of the only jokes I got in this thread

 

[messy]

Spoiler: if this appears red you're moving too fast

 

[dnnydllr]

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

 

[Murlin]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and the bartender says "No charge for you."

You stole it from that robot in fallout 3, the robot that makes really bad jokes. :/

Want another?
"It's common knowledge that Irradiated cats have 18 half-lives"

 

[PixieFox]

In the world of chemicals, a constant battle rages between the chemical supervillains and the chemical secret agents. The most esteemed of these is one (OO)7, international dyeing agent of mystery. On one particularly hairy mission, he finds himself pitted against the evil genius of lore, Dr. Nitrogen Monoxide, who has set a devious trap in the form of an ordinary piece of white cloth. After falling through a cleverly placed mechanosensitive membrane protein, (OO)7 is shocked to find himself soaking in to a tightly bound mesh of cotton fibers. (He is, after all, a dyeing agent.) In desperation, he calls to his nemesis, "Do you expect me to talk, NO?" The villain only chuckles maniacally.

"No Mr. Dye, I expect you to bond."