Science and maths jokes anyone?

[Sibbo]

May the mass times acceleration be with you.

 

[Ren3004]

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are having lunch. After a while, they see two people enter a house on the other side of the street. After some more time, they see three people come out of the same house.

The physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The biologist says: "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says: "If one more person enters the house, it will be empty."

 

[G1eet]

What did the zero say to the eight?

<spoiler=Shut up, it's the nerdiest one I can think of>Nice belt!

 

[Acidwell]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Spoiler: if this appears red you're moving too fast

*laughs* Nice

 

[LilGherkin]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and the bartender says "No charge for you."

You stole it from that robot in fallout 3, the robot that makes really bad jokes. :/

That joke has been around a lot longer than Fallout 3. My science teacher told us that in 7th grade (5 years ago)

 

[Sethzard]

Two professors were on a naturist beach, the dean walked past in trunks as the naturist beach was between two normal beaches.

The professor of geography covered his genitals, the professor of logic covered his face.

 

[Stoic raptor]

Girls = Time+ Money (girls require time and money)
Time = Money (famous saying)
Girls = Money^2 (substitution)
Money = root of all evil (saying)

therefore

Girls = (root of evil)^2
Girls = evil

Where's my cookie?

Wrong.
Money + Money =/= Money^2, it equals 2Money
Money * Money = Money^2

That being said, it was still a good joke.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

And knowing us Brits and the government's love of spin, no doubt they hired the statistician... :s

"Statistics shows that most people are abnormal!"
"How that?"
"According to statistics, a normal person has one breast and one testicle..."

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Money = root of all evil (saying)

Hey, who's been saying that I'm equal to money?

 

[TheGreatGonzo26]

What do you call a parrot that doesn't eat?
A polynomial. (Polly no meal).

har har har. I'm so witty.

 

[Slight]

Why is iron hard to carry?
Because it's Fe.

(And one for you signal processing geeks -> Why are Transfer fuctions messy? Because they're all over la-place)

 

[Glademaster_v1legacy]

Well none off the top of my head but in state exam they put stuff in maths like S+1T but they don't make it obvious like it might be an answer or in the middle of a questions.

 

[vladtehimpaler]

A quantum physicist walks into a bar. Maybe.

 

[Cargando]

Don't know if anyone's said this one. But anyway...

A Quantum Theorist walks into a bar, sits down and orders two drinks, placing one at the seat next to him. He drinks his and leaves. He does this for three days in a row until the barman says 'Hey buddy, why do you keep buying two drinks?' and the bloke replies 'Well, it's in case the particles in the air spontaneously react in such a way to form a beautiful woman sitting in the chair next to me, so at least I'd have a drink for her.' And the barman says 'But there's plenty of woman over there, why don't you just ask one of them out?' To which he replies 'Yeah, but what are the chances of that happening?'

 

[martin's a madman]

9x-7i>3(3x-7u) Solve for I.

Spoiler

9x-7i>9x-21u
-9x -9x
-7i/-7 > -21u/-7
I <3u

Hope you like that!

 

[messy]

Don't know if anyone's said this one. But anyway...

A Quantum Theorist walks into a bar, sits down and orders two drinks, placing one at the seat next to him. He drinks his and leaves. He does this for three days in a row until the barman says 'Hey buddy, why do you keep buying two drinks?' and the bloke replies 'Well, it's in case the particles in the air spontaneously react in such a way to form a beautiful woman sitting in the chair next to me, so at least I'd have a drink for her.' And the barman says 'But there's plenty of woman over there, why don't you just ask one of them out?' To which he replies 'Yeah, but what are the chances of that happening?'

that was on the big bang theory at one point I believe.

Which reminds me of another joke on there

A farmer's chickens are having problems laying eggs.
After trying everything he can think of he calls his friend the physicist
The physicist examines the chickens and says to the farmer
"I have good news and bad news; the good news is I can get them laying eggs but the bad news is I'll need spherical chickens and a vacuum"

 

[GoldenCondor]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

I assume the joke is they each order half of what the previous one ordered. Don't get the 'idiots' part though ..

Edit: I HATE the tradition on this forum of posting those delicious delicious cookie pics .. They make me so damn hungry

Yes, I think the bartender realizes that they will keep ordering one half, and that means they will never reach 2, but get as close as possible. And the bartender calls them idiots.

I think that's right at least.