Serial Killer Game 74: BETRAYAL AT THE CONSORTIA OF EVIL INTENT- Turn Six, Hero Step ( Death Post)
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Since Armadox is back that's probably late enough to be sure you survived to die another daysky14kemea said:
But everyone loves future Christmas music! The sweet sound of an AI choir singing in the radiation laced snow...Armadox said:
I sat in my den, surrounded by homies and hos. I sometimes called them my ho-ppos. Nobody laughed at the joke. I sulked. This whole hero business was stressing me out. So I decided to take action. I couldn't rely on all of these other freaks to do anything. What the hell was a christmas ghost supposed to achieve? And I didn't even want to know what Doctor Sperm was spending his time with. No, this was something I had to do myself. I called over one of the homies, Jeffrey.
Jeffrey wasn't the brightest, but he was loyal. I told him my plan.
Me: Alright Jeff, you go down to the villainous laundry room an-
Jeff: We have a laundry room? And how exactly is it villainous?
Me: Yes, we do. And it's for villains. That makes it villainous. Now pay attention. You're gonna sneak down there and look and for a green pair of pants.
Jeff: You mean like yours?
Me: What, no, these are red! Shut up already. You go down there, and when nobody's looking, you slip this time bomb into the pockets. It goes off in about 24 hours. *I hand it to him*
Jeff: A whole bomb? Seems a bit obvious.
Me: They're very large pants. Now get to it!
Almost 24 hours later
Still sitting in my den, feeling just a bit smug. Any moment now, I should hear the explosion from somewhere else in the complex. My work is done, time to get baked.
Me: Hey Jeff, throw me that green bong, would ya?
*Jeff throws me a red bong*
Me: What the fuck? What is it with you and colors?
Jeff: I'm color-blind.
Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
*explodes*
[HEADING=1]I was an infiltrator[/HEADING]
Jeffrey wasn't the brightest, but he was loyal. I told him my plan.
Me: Alright Jeff, you go down to the villainous laundry room an-
Jeff: We have a laundry room? And how exactly is it villainous?
Me: Yes, we do. And it's for villains. That makes it villainous. Now pay attention. You're gonna sneak down there and look and for a green pair of pants.
Jeff: You mean like yours?
Me: What, no, these are red! Shut up already. You go down there, and when nobody's looking, you slip this time bomb into the pockets. It goes off in about 24 hours. *I hand it to him*
Jeff: A whole bomb? Seems a bit obvious.
Me: They're very large pants. Now get to it!
Almost 24 hours later
Still sitting in my den, feeling just a bit smug. Any moment now, I should hear the explosion from somewhere else in the complex. My work is done, time to get baked.
Me: Hey Jeff, throw me that green bong, would ya?
*Jeff throws me a red bong*
Me: What the fuck? What is it with you and colors?
Jeff: I'm color-blind.
Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
*explodes*
[HEADING=1]I was an infiltrator[/HEADING]
With the death of his nemesis Phat Hippity Beatz, Jarlaxle strode the halls of the Consortia of Evil Intent with a air of confidence and a renewed spring to his step. Drawing harsh glares from certain villains he knew were after his blood. He merely flashed them a wicked grin and made his way to the quarters of Bregan D'aerthe.
"Greetings friends!" he shouted to the throng of dark elves who suddenly stood to attention at the arrival of their leader, "I believe the people of this world have a saying; Oh frabjous day, kaloo kalay! The one known as Phat Hippity Beatz has eaten death! Cocaine for everyone!"
To a one, every dark elf in the room cheered. On a great magical glowing disc, a huge silver tray, piled with mountainous amounts of cocaine entered the room, being controlled by Jarlaxle's magi lieutenant, Zedic. Flashing the intricate hand signals of his people, Jarlaxe signaled a simple order to Zedic.
A loud clash was heard across the room as the magic of the disc was abruptly ended and the suspended tray slammed into the floor, sending cocaine wafting into the air, only to settle moments later as complete silence permeated the room. All eyes were now completely on Jarlaxle, trying to gauge his behavior.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Jarlaxle asked. One dark elf made the slightest motion towards the mountain of cocaine. And was promptly shot in the head. Now everyone stood stock still. Jarlaxle, smoking Glock in hand narrowed his eye(s).
"All I have been hearing are reports of your incompetence across the board!" shouted Jarlaxle, firing another shot into the now dead dark elf, "Hermaeus Mora attacked one of patrols as vengeance for showing him up at maths, all have come back mind raped and completely mad!" *-BLAM-* "The patrol sent to kill the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come have come back completely remorseful of their dark elf heritage and now promise to give their entire pay to orphans and are off to raise guide dog puppies!" *-BLAM-* "One patrol was ambushed by some triceratops wielding a rocket launcher, do I need to tell you what happened to them?" *-BLAM-* *-BLAM-*
"And then there are those we sent to Dr. Sperm's lair..." even Jarlaxle, for all the tortures he had seen at the hands of dark elves, shuddered in horror, "The two minions out of the patrol of ten that had managed to escape now only rock back and forth saying 'I am the tadpole! I am the tadpole!', soil themselves and have to be hydrated intravenously. "THIS" *-BLAM-* "INCOMPETENCE" *-BLAM-* "HAS GOT" *-BLAM-* "TO STOP!!" *-BLAM-**-click-**-click-* Jarlaxle looked down at the pistol he was wielding. *-click-* *-click-*
"Worthless piece of junk." he muttered tossing it aside, "Now you useless pieces of iblith! No more cocaine until you can get me some useful intelligence! Now get moving!" Within a minute the entire hall was empty, save for two, as Jarlaxle's band was once more out gathering intel.
"Sir, would you like me to try and recharge the magic in your pistol wand?" asked Zedic.
"No that's fine Zedic," sighed Jarlaxle. "See if Wonder Woman is in the mood for some wrestling, I need to work out some serious stress. At least one pistol wand still works fine, and I need to clean up all this cocaine lying about."
*lifts eyepatch and.. wink*
"Greetings friends!" he shouted to the throng of dark elves who suddenly stood to attention at the arrival of their leader, "I believe the people of this world have a saying; Oh frabjous day, kaloo kalay! The one known as Phat Hippity Beatz has eaten death! Cocaine for everyone!"
To a one, every dark elf in the room cheered. On a great magical glowing disc, a huge silver tray, piled with mountainous amounts of cocaine entered the room, being controlled by Jarlaxle's magi lieutenant, Zedic. Flashing the intricate hand signals of his people, Jarlaxe signaled a simple order to Zedic.
A loud clash was heard across the room as the magic of the disc was abruptly ended and the suspended tray slammed into the floor, sending cocaine wafting into the air, only to settle moments later as complete silence permeated the room. All eyes were now completely on Jarlaxle, trying to gauge his behavior.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Jarlaxle asked. One dark elf made the slightest motion towards the mountain of cocaine. And was promptly shot in the head. Now everyone stood stock still. Jarlaxle, smoking Glock in hand narrowed his eye(s).
"All I have been hearing are reports of your incompetence across the board!" shouted Jarlaxle, firing another shot into the now dead dark elf, "Hermaeus Mora attacked one of patrols as vengeance for showing him up at maths, all have come back mind raped and completely mad!" *-BLAM-* "The patrol sent to kill the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come have come back completely remorseful of their dark elf heritage and now promise to give their entire pay to orphans and are off to raise guide dog puppies!" *-BLAM-* "One patrol was ambushed by some triceratops wielding a rocket launcher, do I need to tell you what happened to them?" *-BLAM-* *-BLAM-*
"And then there are those we sent to Dr. Sperm's lair..." even Jarlaxle, for all the tortures he had seen at the hands of dark elves, shuddered in horror, "The two minions out of the patrol of ten that had managed to escape now only rock back and forth saying 'I am the tadpole! I am the tadpole!', soil themselves and have to be hydrated intravenously. "THIS" *-BLAM-* "INCOMPETENCE" *-BLAM-* "HAS GOT" *-BLAM-* "TO STOP!!" *-BLAM-**-click-**-click-* Jarlaxle looked down at the pistol he was wielding. *-click-* *-click-*
"Worthless piece of junk." he muttered tossing it aside, "Now you useless pieces of iblith! No more cocaine until you can get me some useful intelligence! Now get moving!" Within a minute the entire hall was empty, save for two, as Jarlaxle's band was once more out gathering intel.
"Sir, would you like me to try and recharge the magic in your pistol wand?" asked Zedic.
"No that's fine Zedic," sighed Jarlaxle. "See if Wonder Woman is in the mood for some wrestling, I need to work out some serious stress. At least one pistol wand still works fine, and I need to clean up all this cocaine lying about."
*lifts eyepatch and.. wink*
@Phat Hippity Beatz:
Only one minion, and it was more to prove a point! The other villains of the consortium are doing a good enough job of murdering the rest of my Dark Elf followers without me adding too much to it.
Only one minion, and it was more to prove a point! The other villains of the consortium are doing a good enough job of murdering the rest of my Dark Elf followers without me adding too much to it.
Thanks Dr Sperm for letting those two minions escape back to me as a warning. Might have been kinder to kill them though.Ghost of Jarlaxle's Dark Elf minion said:
while you idiots were getting yourself killed I was working my greatest invention.
BEHOLD...
I have cloned a T. Rex and IT'S FLUFFY HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I RUINED YOUR CHILDHOOD AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!
BEHOLD...
I have cloned a T. Rex and IT'S FLUFFY HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I RUINED YOUR CHILDHOOD AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!
The loud rumble of an explosion causes Sperm to pause for a moment, thinking to himself he deduces the area where it came from and turns about heading his way back to the location tools still in hand.
I'm sure there will be some samples worth collecting still... depending on how close whomever that was to the explosion. Bad Pouch seems to be doing me quite the favor in assisting with my sample collection process.
I'm sure there will be some samples worth collecting still... depending on how close whomever that was to the explosion. Bad Pouch seems to be doing me quite the favor in assisting with my sample collection process.
[HEADING=1] Phat Hippity Beats just wanted to smoke and rob. Got into a firefight with an unruly mob. His right hand man tried to help him get baked. Ended up being his last mistake. Word.[/HEADING]
With the rotund gangster out of the picture, the pot raises to $4.17 Trillion. The Hero has moved farther into the Halls of Villainy. Mastermind and Hero roles can now act. I'll make an official declaration (and PM vote results to everyone individually) in chat later today, so says the Overlord.
With the rotund gangster out of the picture, the pot raises to $4.17 Trillion. The Hero has moved farther into the Halls of Villainy. Mastermind and Hero roles can now act. I'll make an official declaration (and PM vote results to everyone individually) in chat later today, so says the Overlord.