The Psychedelic Ride of Armadox the Happiness Officer
We're after the Communist! I know this because the list on my left arm says so! It also says give out pills and make everyone happy! Oh SO Happy! That's what I do, as the unit's Happiness Officer. My job is to keep a smile on our faces as we run down this nefarious villain. I take more pills and ready myself for another song. Troubleshooters like songs! I'm a happiness officer!
These pills are good! How many have I had? This bottle used to be full.. Oh, well I'll be. Looks like that bottle is empty too. And that one. I wonder what those two are saying? I should be paying attention. MY UNIFORM IS RED! Oh man. I like red. Red is a great color. Is that Jim? Jim used to wear orange. I know this because I was there when he was sent back down here.. I was just an ol' black level janitor then. I like Jim, he used to spit on me the least in that building. Oh, OH! I will follow him! Oh, man. I'll give him this party clacker I have been holding on too. I hadn't given one of these out yet! I'M EXCITED!!!
I follow him into the ruins, and watch him look over stuff. I have no idea what he's doing, but I'll do that too! I kick a set of drawers roughly! I'm helping! Another pill for me!
Then I see it. An old balloon floating in the corner. This has to be from the before time! I have balloons, but this one is special. I like it, it's red and says "Happy Birthday". I have no idea what that means, but it says happy on it, and I like HAPPY! I take the balloon, and adds it to my collection as it kinda floats lazily next to them. I think it needs more pep.
What was I doing?
OH RIGHT JIM!
I turn around and head back out where I saw him, and he's still talking to that other guy. Girl? I really can't tell people apart anymore.. Huh, I wond.. another pill should help. YES! Oh man, oh man! I have fingers. I mean, I always knew I HAD fingers, but I HAVE fingers.. This is a good day! Jim, I have finger... oh, they're frowning. I need to pay attention! What are they saying? Wah-wah-wahwah-wah.. Oh geez, I can't speak in trumpet noises..
I have to look away for a moment as a flare of light happens. I.. was that... NOOOO! JIM! JIM!! He shot Jim! Oh geez, oh geez. What do I do? What do I do? I'll run and tell the others!! I turn and run as fast as I can back to the others. I.. why am I not moving? Oh, well.. that is what "muscle relaxer" means! Learned something new. Ha ha.. I.. is he still there? I will turn and.. oh, yep. right behind me.. HA, hi.. Hi? Do you tell a communist hi?
Time slows down, and they trumpet at me some more. Do communists speak in trumpet? Was Jim a communist then?! He's aiming that pistol at me. That's scary. Ha.. ha ha.. My legs went out, and I fall onto my back as that flare of plasma fires above me. He missed? HA HA HA! Then I see it.. The balloon that I took from the building goes up in plasma, and explodes into colors. They make confetti in colors now? When did they start doing that?!!
I watch the confetti fall down and cover me. I watch the paper rain over me, and start laughing as I hear the auto-sentries rev up.
"Citizwen Armadoh, Whoo are chaarged wiff.."
Oh, bother..
The life of the party is dead..