Seriously, why do some guys pull this shit?

[Ulquiorra4sama]

I've got no idea why people at all would act like that. If someone's in a happy relationship with someone i say "stay the fuck out of it". First of all it's none of your business, and while that should be enough there's also the fact that you'll probably just end up seeming really whiny and/or bitchy about it all.

Fortunately none of the guys i know has acted like (as far as i know) but if they did i'd tell them to get it together and leave the woman alone 'cause she'd probably appreciate that more at this point.

I say you should just ignore the problem and it'll probably go away. If not you could always just slap him in the balls.

 

[Hagi]

I'm pretty sure it's normal behaviour. Guys are crazy

You seriously need to find other guys to hand around with if you consider this normal behaviour and all guys crazy.

 

[damselgaming]

I'm pretty sure it's normal behaviour. Guys are crazy

You seriously need to find other guys to hand around with if you consider this normal behaviour and all guys crazy.

I didn't say all guys! I am aware of the sane ones, and they are quite pleasant. I don't generally have much luck meeting them.

 

[DracoSuave]

I mean seriously, if she's said no to a relationship, and is seeing other people, she's not fucking leading you on.

Bullshit.

If you've made it very clear to her that the thing you want out of your relationship with her is a romantic outcome, then she is most definitely leading you on if she has no intention of going there, yet continues to associate with you nonetheless.

You'd be so utterly right if not for the fact she said no. There's no leading anyone on at that point. No means no. Some guys can actually handle being turned down, and still become friends, because they're not fixating douchebags who use friendship in the hopes of scoring.

Sorry, you're absolutely wrong on this one... she said No, which means she's been fully, 100%, completely honest. At that point, the onus is on him to return the honesty with honesty in return; HE has to make the decision to stay on those terms (no relationship) or leave to find what he wants elsewhere.

However, if he stays, agreeing to the terms of 'no relationship' while still persuing said relationship, then HE is leading HER on, for he is the one acting under false pretenses.

She is being honest, he is being deceptive. How is this not his own fault?

I'm pretty sure it's normal behaviour. Guys are crazy, regardless of whether you love em back or not! What I wouldn't give for a fun chirpy muscular man who isn't a bit of a psycho, and likes JCVD movies and games and wrestling.sadly the world does not work this way!

3 out of 4 ain't bad! That's a pass in some school systems!

 

[tobyornottoby]

http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2007/12/16/the-internet-nice-guy-rears-his-ugly-head-once-more/

Some people have no spine but then expect the world to bend in the way they want.

 

[Rayne870]

/quote]

Unfortunately girls will do this too, really the only thing I can say is congratulations on your relationship, and i guess let the guy know that his advances are not acceptable, give him a warning and if he doesn't listen cut him loose.

 

[Batou667]

But one of my guy friends is straight-up being an outright ass almost. When I first mentioned that I was dating someone new his first reaction was "I'm happy that you're happy, but I know that I could make you happy too" and launches into this whole sob story about why no one hangs out with him. I'm not very close with this guy at all, but he's constantly telling me how attracted he is to me and all this other shit and he barely even knows me because any time I saw him in person he just sat in a corner and didn't talk to anyone. Just a little bit ago when he was talking to me on IM he mentioned that he was feeling really horny... Why the fuck would I want to know that?! Seriously, this guy doesn't know shit about me and yet he's making all these comments as if he could convince me to dump my boyfriend and instead date him when he doesn't have a real job and no car and constantly whines about crap...

Why do guys pull this shit?!

Because this guy is a beta weiner. He also possibly has a Madonna-whore complex when dealing with women (as a result of being a beta little weiner).

Basically, this boy has convinced himself that he's a "nice guy" as a defence mechanism to justify his poor social skills, indecisiveness and inability to take risks. Because he's so utterly inoffensive he's therefore the NICEST GUY HE KNOWS and it's crushingly unfair when any other male succeeds where he doesn't. If a guy manages to get with you? He must have managed that through trickery, or manipulation, or by bullying you into it. No way could you have entered into this through your own free will!

And it doesn't stop there. Because he's such a miniature pecker, he's also convinced himself (yet again, as a defence mechanism) that because HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY and because this far you've been mysteriously resistant to his charms and haven't thrown yourself at him, you must be some chaste and asexual Madonna who he could only ever hope to gaze wistfully upon from afar. But now, oh yes, now, you dirty little minx, he sees the real you. You ARE capable of romantic and sexual deeds! You tricked him! All this time you pretended not to be interested in guys (i.e., him) but you were all along! The only explanation is that you must have made some terrible mistake. You picked the wrong guy. That guy you like? He's an asshole. You should be going out with THE REALLY NICE GUY instead.

Anyway, I'm making a lot of assumptions here, and maybe even projecting a little bit. But I'm willing to bet that I'm at least 80% on the mark. I recommend that you sever all ties with this "guy friend" because not only is he a creeper, but a whiney, passive-aggressive little shit to boot. And you don't need people like that.

You could try saying NO. That usually helps. A firm NO rather than complaining to random strangers on the internet (And being a gaming site, many of us are guys), would go further to helping your problem.

Yeah, this too.

 

[RedFortune]

Oh god, some of these observations hit way too close to home for me, as I used to be pretty much like this guy you are talking about... Hell, I'm still working on it.

Just food for thought, then, that he might not like how he acts really or, regardless, something made him start acting in that way. Of course, it has little bearing on how you react to this situation, but it's always important to remember that everybody is actually a person and to treat people as such (not "specially" or with pity, but with acknowledgement.)

But from my experience, a complete cold shoulder might do wonders. Having been there, done that, being partially "deprived" of you may just encourage him to pursue you further if he thinks he can get a response, which is the ultimate desire, I'm guessing; he wants you to react as he wishes you to, to feel validated. That is, of course, if he's that similar to me.

He's just trying to manipulate you, though he seems fucking terrible at it. I was good at is, unfortunately, and ended up hurting a lot of people. ):

I'm probably completely misinterpreting this as it is past midnight, but it's just my two cents.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

I couldn't possibly comment on your situation without having an actual(meaning hands on) understanding of what you're both like.

My friend was given a verbal "no" by a girl he was into for a few years, but having witnessed how she was around him...I understand why he was confused.

I only post to point out grey area. This forum(and I guess the internet community at large)is ridiculously prone to adopting trends and attitudes that are popular at any give time. I've seen the prevailing attitude of this particular forum go from almost uniform sympathy for the "Nice guys", to these same people being ridiculed and belittled. It almost seemed to happen overnight...

There is a middle-ground that exists here. You can take it case-by-case...you don't need an absolute rule.

 

[BGH122]

She is being honest, he is being deceptive. How is this not his own fault?

Look at the language she is using: 'friend'.

He is not her friend. He has made this consistently clear to her, and yet she continues to associate with him. There is zero chance that he could go from being totally uninterested in being friends with her, and being solely interested in dating her, to the reverse. By even continuing to associate with him, she is sending out the message that she's okay with the relationship dynamic.

I wouldn't say she's exactly leading him on - that would be more like not firmly saying no - but she's being very ambiguous about their relationship paradigm; she needs to shut this relationship down right now, or she's effectively saying she's going to respond positively to a relationship that's solely based on him attempting to court her.

She's causing the continuation of his wooing, not vice versa. All the power is in her hands right now, not vice versa. Whining that he's courting her, when she could just end this right now, is just an attempt to have her cake and eat it too.

 

[TheDooD]

I'm pretty sure it's normal behaviour. Guys are crazy, regardless of whether you love em back or not! What I wouldn't give for a fun chirpy muscular man who isn't a bit of a psycho, and likes JCVD movies and games and wrestling.sadly the world does not work this way!

You got taste who doesn't like a cheesy JCVD movie, videos games, and WWE /New Japan Wrestling. Yet the whole fun + chirpy + muscles + crazy is like playing fetch with unstable TNT. You have no idea what combo of the 4 are gonna blow up. Too bad I have 2 out of the 4 and want to work on another.

OT

Looking a different responses from all the people that posted here.

I think that for one this shit isn't gonna change until we can mind read. two when in a relationship you're gonna have to put the boundary lines down fast to prevent mixed signals and feelings getting hurt. Three just be dead honest, lying and stringing people along is just gonna bring out the bad in people in the long run.

You have to be defined of what you have to offer and what you want out of others. Overall I burnt myself out when it comes to just sexual flings those shits are boring to me now. I really don't want to get into a serious relationship I really don't want to marry and or have kids. I'll rather have somebody I can hang out with without all the bullshit of latter paths.

 

[DracoSuave]

She is being honest, he is being deceptive. How is this not his own fault?

Look at the language she is using: 'friend'.

True, it sounds more like 'acquaintance' is the right word.

He is not her friend. He has made this consistently clear to her, and yet she continues to associate with him.

She doesn't seem to be asking him to go places, or doing much with him. He's texting her to discuss his libido. This isn't even the friend zone.

There is zero chance that he could go from being totally uninterested in being friends with her, and being solely interested in dating her, to the reverse.

How is this not a result of his own personal infatuation? How is HIS texting HER about it HER fault? He is the one approaching HER with it. HE is the one in charge of HIS OWN life. If he can't remain civil, and deal with it, it's HIS responsibility to leave.

By even continuing to associate with him, she is sending out the message that she's okay with the relationship dynamic.

No she isn't. This is so wrong on so many levels. She even said she hardly knows him. That's not keeping up a relationship dynamic!

I wouldn't say she's exactly leading him on - that would be more like not firmly saying no - but she's being very ambiguous about their relationship paradigm;

THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP PARADIGM:

"When I first mentioned that I was dating someone new his first reaction was "I'm happy that you're happy, but I know that I could make you happy too" and launches into this whole sob story about why no one hangs out with him. I'm not very close with this guy at all, but he's constantly telling me how attracted he is to me and all this other shit and he barely even knows me because any time I saw him in person he just sat in a corner and didn't talk to anyone."

The extent of this thing is small talk, and sulking in corners. That's not a relationship dynamic.

she needs to shut this relationship down right now, or she's effectively saying she's going to respond positively to a relationship that's solely based on him attempting to court her.

What the FUCK does she need to do, a restraining order?!

She's causing the continuation of his wooing, not vice versa.

By what? Going to the same school? Eating at the same cafeteria? Sharing a few friends? Knowing his name? Had a conversation with him once? Listened to him whine?

None of these things are indicators of a potential relationship. He lied when he said he was happy for her new relationship. He lied with this implicit acceptance that she is going to be dating someone else and is off the table.

Stop defending this creep as if he's not the author of his own demise.

All the power is in her hands right now, not vice versa. Whining that he's courting her, when she could just end this right now, is just an attempt to have her cake and eat it too.

She's dating someone else! And happy! And has TOLD him this! And he said 'I'm okay with this.' How is this, in any way, misleading him? And how is that, in any way, him NOT misleading HER?

And how does any of this excuse him imposing upon her by sexual harassment?

 

[DracoSuave]

Basically, this boy has convinced himself that he's a "nice guy" as a defence mechanism to justify his poor social skills, indecisiveness and inability to take risks.

Back in my day, we called this 'Bitter Virgin Syndrome.'

 

[BGH122]

And how does any of this excuse him imposing upon her by sexual harassment?

It doesn't, he sounds like a wanker. I'm not saying that he bears no responsibility, I'm saying that she too bears responsibility.

Maybe I've misunderstood the extent of their interactions with one another, but it seems to me that she needs to be very clear with him that she doesn't want him contacting her. Why does he even have her IM details, or her number? Did he pull off some trickery to get hold of those details? If she's uninterested in pursuing the relationship that he desires then she needs to make this very clear by refusing to speak to him.

Furthermore, she actively calls him 'one of her guy friends'. That sounds like she has a relationship with him. Maybe you're privy to information that I'm not, but there does seem to be some sort of relationship between them.

Then again, she also says that he 'doesn't know shit about [her]', so I'm confused as to what her actual situation is.

 

[Liberaliter]

Guys like this can't function like normal human beings. They are the guys who complain about the 'friend zone' and come to forums like this with their girl problems. The best thing to do is disassociate yourself with them.

 

[iFail69]

Simply, because most guys are pricks. I don't know what makes them this way, probably hormones, but most guys, I'd rather not associate with.

 

[surg3n]

A man can only be friends with a woman if he doesn't find her attractive.

Period.

Women need to understant that, and stop looking for friendship in heterosexual males unless they think it could go further as well. Poor guy probably thought you were a little shy and single and available, he's tried the long game, and you go and destroy his dreams by shacking up with someone else.

Next time save the awkward destruction of your friendship and depression of someone you supposedly might care about, save the 'like a brother' conversations for your brother, and stop relying on single men who you don't want to date for emotional support.

Seriously, all the girls here who have these male friends following their every move on facebook, or going to the same bars in the grim hope that they'll get a drunken snog - cut that loose, leave them alone to find someone on their level. Women really don't understand this - the least you can do is hook them up with a single friend, take the edge off, and send out the message that your happy to see them happy, and not sitting like a dick on a rope just in case you get really really desperate.

Most of all, you are not the victim here, you are doing alright, just think about what its like for your 'creepy' friend to watch you have the life that he'd give anything to be part of.

 

[Woodsey]

Because he's a lonely, social outcast (by your description, anyway).

Most guys will have a girl they go out of their fucking mind for, but if you really aren't that close then it just seems to be because he wants to get on that, and you talk to him.

Funnily enough, he does sound like 85% of the guys who start relationship threads, whose blatant misogyny will continue to entertain me until I die.

 

[damselgaming]

I'm pretty sure it's normal behaviour. Guys are crazy, regardless of whether you love em back or not! What I wouldn't give for a fun chirpy muscular man who isn't a bit of a psycho, and likes JCVD movies and games and wrestling.sadly the world does not work this way!

You got taste who doesn't like a cheesy JCVD movie, videos games, and WWE /New Japan Wrestling. Yet the whole fun + chirpy + muscles + crazy is like playing fetch with unstable TNT. You have no idea what combo of the 4 are gonna blow up. Too bad I have 2 out of the 4 and want to work on another.

OT

Looking a different responses from all the people that posted here.

I think that for one this shit isn't gonna change until we can mind read. two when in a relationship you're gonna have to put the boundary lines down fast to prevent mixed signals and feelings getting hurt. Three just be dead honest, lying and stringing people along is just gonna bring out the bad in people in the long run.

You have to be defined of what you have to offer and what you want out of others. Overall I burnt myself out when it comes to just sexual flings those shits are boring to me now. I really don't want to get into a serious relationship I really don't want to marry and or have kids. I'll rather have somebody I can hang out with without all the bullshit of latter paths.

I would settle for 3/4. Chirpy just makes it easier to deal with my delightfully chipper attitude. I figure it's all about compromise, a healthy sex life and trust. Anything else you deal with as it comes!

 

[TheDooD]

snip

True dat, hell that's how it would be for everybody in a perfect world.