Alright, this thread really just amounts to a small personal rant/opinion so feel free to disagree or disregard it as the frivolous musings some dude on the internet. It's also pretty TL;DR so no need to point that out if it's the case. I also present a lot of problems in this thread without any proposed solutions (or even proof that they're "problems"), but, again, rant/opinion thread. I also want to preface this thread by saying that it is not my intention to imply that sex is bad or that people are horrible human beings for wanting to have sex (I think quite the opposite, actually), merely that I believe the value we as a society place on sex is not only excessive, but even potentially stifling and possibly that our entire perspective on sex is warped.
Now, this is written from the point of view of someone who isn't really an enormous fan of having sex. I'm not saying I can't appreciate sex or that don't enjoy it (though some people don't) or even that I think sexual intimacy isn't a crucial part of most relationships, merely that I don't put the same emphasis on it that many others do. This is from both from a relational and recreational perspective. That said, I was also a porn addict. This happened mostly because of a combination of the things down below.
I consider this problem to have two major facets. The first is that some people are just genetically predisposed to not being highly sexual, yet society and their peers make them feel as though this is a bad thing. The second is that our society itself (speaking primarily of American culture) is way too inundated with sexuality and sexual pressure as well as an unhealthy view of sex. This unhealthy view not just from the sex addicts, but the more conservative groups.
Now, to me anyway, the BIGGEST problem is actually the general avoidance or obfuscation of sexual concepts in regards to children. Many parents (even parents of today's generation) made the huge mistake of hiding sex from their kids. Not just the act of sex, but a lot of ideas and concepts about sex. It's much better to explain things to your kids (imo) than have them fumble about with their 14 year old girlfriend or learn about it from their friend's twisted misconceptions or to watch an unrealistic portrayal of it. That's an awesome way to mess up your kids. I'm not saying you should show your kids sex or that you should try and make it sound like some matter of fact, emotionless act, just that you should be open to talking to them about it. This poor communication often makes its way into the bedroom when the kid gets older, resulting in two people who barely know how to express their sexual needs to one another. This also brings me to a small side point about general female sexual needs that's so greatly misunderstood by a lot of men and even woman that it's amazing to me. The same can be said of men, but to a lesser extent. Another awesome way to mess up your kids is to make them feel guilty for having sexual thoughts or having some porn or whatever (though on a liberal website like this I don't think this a a revelation to anyone). It's also true that there are few better ways to ensure that a kid will want to see or do something (especially something that their very physiology clamors for) than to make it taboo. This is especially true with the copious amounts of sexual material floating around, which brings me to my next point.
Now I personally hate porn (especially the majority of porn I've seen) because I feel it creates unrealistic ideals in the eyes of men and woman while simultaneously making many of them feel inadequate in some way. It also objectifies not just genders (yes, BOTH genders), but also the act of sex itself. Resulting in a view that sex is more of a consequence-free, purely visceral act of pleasure than an emotionally potent and intimate act between two people who (hopefully) love each other (+ the occasional baby making). Now, again, I'm not trying to say that we should try and ban porn or make it all a bunch of mushy love making, but it's the EXTREME proliferation of porn within our society (thanks in no small part to teh intarwebs) as well as the predominant types of sex that are portrayed that bothers me.
Another problem I have is with the general air of sexuality that permeates throughout everything. TV ads, shows ranging from all different genres and age groups as well as video games, magazines, billboards, radio ads, etc. It's nearly impossible to NOT be exposed to enough sexual content that it's likely to permanently effect your sexual perceptions in the future (especially as a kid). Even as an adult, I'm so tired of seeing it and having it shoved down my throat. To me at least, excessive sex is psychologically stifling. My other issue with this is that sex is often used to manipulative ends (generally as a way to get your money). Sex sells, we all know this. The problem is that, whether we buy the actual product, the subconscious message is still there. Sex is a tool. I see this a lot in relationships and in the attitude of woman. I'm not trying to single out woman here, as I'm sure if woman were sexually simulated the same way men were than advertisements would likely show a lot more guys dancing around half naked on TV and we'd see a lot more male "gold diggers".(though both of those things exist). Of course a lot of people are selfish, and will use WHATEVER tools they have at their disposal to get into your wallet, but I'd guess all this sexual advertisement is partially to blame for that attitude. Also, don't think that a person needs to get cars or houses from you to be a gold digger, it can be as simple as getting you to pay his/her cell phone bill or something.
There are some people in the world (more than I think would admit) that aren't all that sexually oriented. Some are asexual, some are more emotionally sensitive in regards to sex, some are more sexually reserved, some have chosen to live a celibate lifestyle for one reason or another and some simply aren't really big sex people. Yet, in our society, it's hard to NOT become sexually jaded. Society pressures you into having sex with all its bandwagon logic via peers and movies. If you try and remain abstinent or refrain from sexual activity you're often chastised for it or laughed at. This point is so easily validated (in my mind) by the fact that "virgin" can practically be used as a dirty word past the age of 15/16. You constantly have sexual imagery shoved down your throat. Many to most things that are oriented towards "adult" audiences are slathered with a thick layer of sexual content. After a certain age to have sex is simply expected outside of small subcultures (that are mostly populated by fundamental extremists of the opposite persuasion). Of course this is more so true of men than woman, and there is something of a double standard in place in that regard (stud/slut), but I'm noticing a more equalized sexual shift in our culture (female rights movements and such likely playing a role). While this is nice, I guess, I still don't see this really helping the problem I'm presenting here. Now I'm not saying society should totally change to accommodate these people, but some consideration would be nice. This general societal view also makes it hard for people of that nature to come together. It's not easy, because sex is so expected and common-place that wanting to refrain for any period of time (especially if you're a 21 Y/O dude) makes you seem like either a "loser"/"virgin", freak or some extremist fundie. Not a great label.
The final problem I have with sex is that so many people feel like they NEED it. Now I understand the need for sexual release, and intimacy and that sex is life-affirming and that it's healthy, etc. But I think the casual attitude we have towards sex is also dangerous and how we're okay with it just being everywhere. I view it the same way I view technology, It's a WONDERFUL thing, but one must temper themselves and balance it with other aspects of their world. Even if one's life doesn't necessarily revolve around technology, to have it ever-present within one's life can still create problems. I feel that the same can be said of sex. Sometimes I feel like sex smothers other aspects of people's lives that deserve more attention or influences things that perhaps it should be influencing. I guess it comes down to our society often acting as though sex is the be all/end all (especially for the male half of the population) and wanting to aspire to something beyond or simply something more than sex (often hollow, empty sex) is mostly beyond the public sphere of consciousness. Dunno, these are mostly just a collection of thoughts so don't have much of a conclusion for you.
