I think sex as a pure action of the physical is overrated, but as a way for knowing someone better and being intimate, underrated.
Sex is overrated
- Thread starter axlryder
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Your ninja level is over 9000.NightmareLuna said:
Anyway, I don't want to insult anyone, but if you say you had sex and it was awful / bad / wasn't that great / or whatever, maybe you're doing it wrong?? Or with the wrong person... I'm just sayin'...
Also, to all the virgins saying sex is overrated, I'm not saying you don't have the right to an opinion, but you really need to experience something if you want to have a valid opinion.
To sum it up, I'll take the OP's side only partially : Don't do something you don't want to do and might end up regreting. Losing your virginity should not be a competition, so don't overthink it and you'll know when the time is right (and hopefuly with the right person). And use protection FFS!
Sex certainly is overrated.
But there is a couple of things sex does that make it so good. First off, it's the satisfaction. This is the thing the majority of the people will agree with me on, I think. It's nice to finish off and relax.
Then there's a very important thing thing to me, personally. That's the physical part during the sex. All the little details you can fill in. All the little movements le me and le partner do.
Then there's the tension. If you just know each other and you know it's going to happen, you just don't know when. And every time you get to tease each other, or the first time when sex happens, or when you try something new. Sure, it might just be the anticipation of sex that creates this all, but that doesn't make it less fun if you're experiencing it. I can't blame you for looking at it for what it really is, but then again..
But there is a couple of things sex does that make it so good. First off, it's the satisfaction. This is the thing the majority of the people will agree with me on, I think. It's nice to finish off and relax.
Then there's a very important thing thing to me, personally. That's the physical part during the sex. All the little details you can fill in. All the little movements le me and le partner do.
Then there's the tension. If you just know each other and you know it's going to happen, you just don't know when. And every time you get to tease each other, or the first time when sex happens, or when you try something new. Sure, it might just be the anticipation of sex that creates this all, but that doesn't make it less fun if you're experiencing it. I can't blame you for looking at it for what it really is, but then again..
silasbufu said:
To the people saying "you're probably just doing it wrong", I'm not trying to insult you, but I think you're being a bit too close minded. Just because a.) you find sex to be phenomenal and b.) such a thing as bad sex exists doesn't mean bad sex is automatically the reason why someone wouldn't enjoy it. I think MOST men would agree that they enjoy masturbating. I don't particularly. It's a primal urge that I sometimes feel the need to fulfill but the actual act and release isn't something I really enjoy. I don't hate it or feel guilty about it, I'm more just apathetic towards it. Same goes for sex. I enjoy the satisfaction I get from pleasing my partner as well as the emotional intimacy, but by and large it's just not something that I enjoy. I prefer cuddling and stuff. Some people are just different than you. It's almost like saying "if you're not attracted to woman then it's probably because you haven't seen any hot ones". See how that could be perceived as offensive?
Well I'm glad you agree and I think a lot of people can empathize with the experience you went through. Not a lot else to say about your comment, but I do love your avatar. Don't see nearly enough Xenogears love anymore and the doc was one of my favorite characters.Ando85 said:
see two comments above your own. Also, I'm saying overrated in regards to cultural perceptions of sex and its unfortunate degree of proliferation in almost every aspect of society, not the act itself and the purpose it serves. Procreation and emotional intimacy are very important. However, in the context which your comment seem to be framed around, yeah, two comments above.TheRussian said:
If you honestly think my perceptions, and the perceptions of those who have drawn similar conclusions, are merely the by-product of a "bad sexual experience" then you're clearly far to presumptuous and generalizing for me to take your opinion seriously (what's more, you'd be wrong). Of course looking at sex as a casual experience can be dangerous (or, from my own perspective, simply IS dangerous), but to merely point that out is just reiterating a portion of my very post. If you're just agreeing with me, thanks I guess, but that agreement kind of contradicts your point that my impression is merely the result of a bad sexual experience, because that point ties directly into the portion you quoted.Sober Thal said:
I don't know what point you're actually trying to get across, but as far as I can tell it doesn't seem to be a very good one :/ Or maybe you were trying to get across a different message?
Also, if you're implying that I don't understand why "sex is so great", then you really missed the whole point of my topic.
I almost wholeheartedly agree with you but there is something amiss in your argument. You make it seem like sex should ALWAYS be an act of extreme passion between two people who love each other. I agree that people (especially this generation) have a warped perception of sex, but sex does NOT always equal love.axlryder said:
I've had quite a few girls claim to be my girlfriend over the years, and I've been in love (or so I thought) with a few of them. Sometimes, I've had better sex with the ones who I didn't love tbh, but sex generally gets better as you get older and (as you implied) learn to voice your opinions in the bedroom. However, the best sex I've ever had was a planned threesome with a gothic ex-girlfriend who had recently turned bi and her roommate. I'm no crazy alpha-male type, so with any other girls I would have felt insecure and incapable in that situation, but these two girls are my friends, and, even though there was no love involved, we all had a great time pleasuring each other and/or watching.
I don't want to get too graphic, but I think your main point isn't that sex is overrated, because it's not. It's actually one of the greatest activities I've ever partaken in in my entire life. It's just misunderstood is all.
Im going to say that sex is somewhat underrated. Yes its a major part of our society already, but thing is, its not large enough.
I mean one of the closest answers to the question of "what is the meaning of life" boils down to live long enough to propagate the species. If its something that fundamental to our existence, then its importance is completely downplayed. Its a fundamental human need, and should be classified as a human right. Its why we see industries built around it. Wars fought over it, Kids shooting other kids in school because they werent getting enough of it. If it got the proper attention it both needs and deserves, there would be no need for an industry built around it, and we would be both a happier, and more peaceful species.
As for the comment Sex is Overrated. Honestly I think that is an idea for the young. I seriously remember believing that at one point in my life. (think it might have had something to do with a song from Ugly Kid Joe) However I think that is a perspective born out of youthful inexperience and lacking access.
Simply put no one is a natural when it comes to sex. Basically every body sucks at it when they are young (to varying degrees) Much of why it sucks is complete lack of experience and developed techniques. Thats why you can be like 15 years old, have sex a couple of times and think.. wow.. thats a lot of work and it wasnt all that fun. It will seem even more unimpactful when you see that your opportunities to have sex are more often measured in years rather than days. So your thinking I had to wait that long for THAT?(If you havent ate in 3 weeks are you going to appreciate the nuance between a well cooked steak and a warmed up slab of SPAM? No, your going to wolf either of them down out of starvation and they will both taste equally divine because, hunger is the best spice.) However as you get older, learn techniques on how to make it enjoyable, build your stamina and essentially develop your sexuallity, and gain more frequent access to it, you start to understand how enjoyable it can be as well as how crucial the physical intimacy of sex becomes to breeding a healthy long standing relationship.
EDIT: Side note, my perspective on sex might possibly be skewn from downing half a liter of 100 proof vodka, but who knows.
I mean one of the closest answers to the question of "what is the meaning of life" boils down to live long enough to propagate the species. If its something that fundamental to our existence, then its importance is completely downplayed. Its a fundamental human need, and should be classified as a human right. Its why we see industries built around it. Wars fought over it, Kids shooting other kids in school because they werent getting enough of it. If it got the proper attention it both needs and deserves, there would be no need for an industry built around it, and we would be both a happier, and more peaceful species.
As for the comment Sex is Overrated. Honestly I think that is an idea for the young. I seriously remember believing that at one point in my life. (think it might have had something to do with a song from Ugly Kid Joe) However I think that is a perspective born out of youthful inexperience and lacking access.
Simply put no one is a natural when it comes to sex. Basically every body sucks at it when they are young (to varying degrees) Much of why it sucks is complete lack of experience and developed techniques. Thats why you can be like 15 years old, have sex a couple of times and think.. wow.. thats a lot of work and it wasnt all that fun. It will seem even more unimpactful when you see that your opportunities to have sex are more often measured in years rather than days. So your thinking I had to wait that long for THAT?(If you havent ate in 3 weeks are you going to appreciate the nuance between a well cooked steak and a warmed up slab of SPAM? No, your going to wolf either of them down out of starvation and they will both taste equally divine because, hunger is the best spice.) However as you get older, learn techniques on how to make it enjoyable, build your stamina and essentially develop your sexuallity, and gain more frequent access to it, you start to understand how enjoyable it can be as well as how crucial the physical intimacy of sex becomes to breeding a healthy long standing relationship.
EDIT: Side note, my perspective on sex might possibly be skewn from downing half a liter of 100 proof vodka, but who knows.
And that's the kind of attitude that we should do away with as a society. Have a little reverence. 50% of marriages today end in divorce, usually in the first couple of years. So much misery. Why? Because people think we need sex to live. The more you have sex, the less you bond with your partner. If people would just wait until they meet someone they want to spend their life with, and they know each other well enough to know they're the right person, they'll be happy forever.Chefodeath said:
F*** secularists. I'm a 19-year-old virgin and I'm damn proud.
Now this is where our opinions diverge. Kind of. I don't want to make it seem like every time two people have sex that it should be this extremely intimate act of love making. But, at least in my eyes, it should be about more than just visceral pleasure. I simply disagree with your views about casual sex. however, I didn't specifically state that disagreement in my post because it really just comes down to my own life, views, and the people around me (+ two or three studies I've read). This runs counter to the majority of my actual post, which I feel can be fairly easily verified or at least defended. I don't want to make it seem as though I'm judging you (it's not my place) nor am I judging your choice of recreational activity. I just feel it's wrong to have casual sex and I know it's wrong for some people; however, there's no way I can even want to stake the claim that casual sex is morally objectively wrong (or wrong for the large majority) without a lot more evidence/experience (especially when morals themselves can be so subjective). Now, in my own experience and in regards to the few studies I've read, by and large casual sex resulted in emotional damage of sorts (especially when it extended over a period of time with one or multiple partners), even in the most well-intentioned settings. Of course, some people are simply more inclined towards it too (generally it's extroverts, extremely friendly, warm people and extremely cold, sterile people, but not always), so perhaps it's just right for some people and not others. However, even as some of my sexual views have changed over the years, I've never felt at my very core that I could tell someone it's "okay" to have casual sex, so in that regard I can't, in good conscience, condone it either.TomLikesGuitar said:
However, it's true that my main point wasn't exactly that sex is overrated, more so that our culture is too saturated with it and it's represented poorly or not enough in certain settings.
Again, I really don't mean to offend you here, I think we just have different views.
You're only proving how overrated it is with what basically amounts to a "stop not liking what I don't like" sort of statement.TheRussian said:
Come on, some people just don't like what you like. Why is that so hard for the many people who overrate sex to understand?
I mean, I'm not all that fond of the idea of having sex. I don't call people sluts who do enjoy it, and I don't act like people who enjoy sex should enjoy it less. Sure, I'm critical of the objectification of women in media. But I don't expect people who like sex in any amount to like it less. I would appreciate the same sort of treatment in return.
Heck, men/boys get it horribly. I've talked to many guys who said that they wanted to have sex in junior high, especially to a girl that other guys thought was attractive, just to be accepted in front of their peers and seem more "cool". Sex is so overrated that some people do it just for a self esteem boost. This is sick and it needs to stop.
Seriously, I feel sorry for the billions of men pressured to have sex to feel good about themselves.
I don't get it though. Why do you feel as though casual sex is wrong?axlryder said:
Is casual masturbation wrong?
Is casual mutual masturbation wrong?
Is it wrong to casually masturbate someone else?
I'm going to wager a guess that this isn't a religious issue, so if you don't have a real reason for thinking something is morally wrong then you should probably reconsider.
Deathmageddon said:
I like your views, but I'd like to offer another perspective on that.
As a culture, we put a very large amount of pressure on getting married. This mentality has been around a lot longer than the casual sex mentality we see in today's culture.
Now, of course, the divorce rate was never so high, so something had to change. Selfishness and instant gratification. To me, that's the root of almost ALL our societies problems. Many people in our culture were raised to be this way. They were spoiled, emotionally neglected, given warped perceptions. Ultimately this resulted in a lot of selfish people who expected to get things right away. Thus the extremely high rate of debt in our society. "We need oil. What? We know it's dangerous now? We'll worry about that later". Now, this attitude extends to sex too. People want visceral pleasure and they want it now.
As for marriage, I think so many end because a combination of things. People want a perfect marriage now, so when the feelings of elation and infatuation end and the shimmery veneer starts to come off, people don't have the emotional equipment (or even inclination) to stick around and try to work at the inevitable problems that will crop up in a marriage. The woman are looking for their "perfect man" (no such thing) and the men are still focused on having fun. People's general lack of forethought results in dishonestly. Poor communication abounds and ultimately no one want to WORK at anything anymore. Sex definitely plays a role (the sex isn't good anymore or never was that great and, of course, they'd rather just sleep with someone else than work to make it better).
Of course, there's also the fact that divorce is now more acceptable and various other factors. I don't want to make it seem like previous generations were somehow more emotionally stable (they weren't at ALL), they just had different problems than we do. But they did possess positive qualities that aren't as common anymore as well (imo)
I tend to think that the physical aspect of sex is grossly overrated for dudes (you seriously expect me to put in weeks of work and manipulation for a single fucking orgasm? gtfo....), and it's hugely underrated for girls (Anyone who thinks that girls don't get more pleasure than guys is probably inexperienced and more likely than not male). The emotional attachment related to sex is also massiverly underplayed (and guys are discouraged from seeking it by society, whereas girls are generally encouraged to focus on it entirely). I don't know that porn is really the problem, it's more a symptom of the problem (indoctrinated fear of a physical relationship because of the gender specific associations that are perceived to be negative). It's equally detestable that people build up sex as being a huge deal and "choosing" to abstain until criteria x is fullfilled...That's every bit as unhealthy as the people who refuse to emotional and social aspects of intimacy.
Also some of you might be interested in stuff like "make love not porn" and the whole "more blowjobs = less wars" train of thought.
Also some of you might be interested in stuff like "make love not porn" and the whole "more blowjobs = less wars" train of thought.