Sex is overrated

[axlryder]

more snip

I don't get it though. Why do you feel as though casual sex is wrong?

Is casual masturbation wrong?
Is casual mutual masturbation wrong?
Is it wrong to casually masturbate someone else?

I'm going to wager a guess that this isn't a religious issue, so if you don't have a real reason for thinking something is morally wrong then you should probably reconsider.

Well, for one, as I said, I rarely see it end well (like, ever). Usually someone goes numb to the idea of sex, or it stifles their ability to become intimate on deeper emotional levels. Someone might get hurt because feelings exist for one person but not the other, creating heavy emotional strain.

Now, sex itself (the act) does tend to weave a psychological/emotional bond between two people (whether it happens consciously or not). To me, forming and breaking those bonds without much thought or investment seems dangerously frivolous.

As to your hand job question, I'm not sure of the general difference in emotional connection that sex might create compared to other sexual acts, but I imagine they all have some kind of psychological ramification. So in that regard, I'd personally steer clear of most sexual activity if it wasn't with the intent of pursuing a relationship. Especially true when I consider how easily a hand job can turn into screwing.

My opinions aren't based on whims, lol. However, like I said, I haven't done enough research to stake that claim and expect someone to agree with me. Which is why I said, differing opinions. I'm certainly not judging you.

 

[aba1]

Congratulations you saw through all those smoke and mirrors of your peers and realized there is more to life than sex and girls it may sound like I am being sarcastic but that does put you ahead of a lot of people in there 20's maturity wise sadly.

 

[RadioactiveMicrobe]

Asexual here.

The main reason for me choosing this is for the reasons you stated. Sex has become more of a game than anything.

Now, I'm only 17, (which I suppose can say a lot, since this is supposed to be the time where my hormones are in an Asylum) but I've already seen how ,"filthy" for lack of a better term, sex has become. People brag about how many people they've been with, or what they did, and how hardcore it was, and this and that, and it seems almost animalistic.

All that, and the bombardment of sexually suggestive themes, makes me feel as though sex is just a bit disgusting.

Also, though this is more of an uncontrollable attribute, my parents put it into my head that sex = babies = ruined future. I rarely am able to go out with friends, and girlfriends never last, as they get sick of the fact that we can never really go out and have fun.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

Uhh, I'll get back to you when I actually learn what it's like.

I think in general, it is kind of a superficial big deal, but I've managed to pretty much laugh in the faces of people who have tried to bring me down for calling me a virgin. "Really, and I'm supposed to feel lesser of a man than you after you violated that pig?". It's a goal that I've set for myself. Yet I pretty much know for a fact that it's going to be terrible my first time. And I'm fine with that. I think Smashlovestitanquest said it best.

I dont think its overrated. Its just we make a big deal out of it in all the wrong ways.

Pretty much. Though then again, by all technicalities I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. I swear, I'm subconsciously attracted to girls who have all taken abstinence vows.

 

[Jimmy Sylvers]

Look, I read through bits of all this but here' my 2c.

Sex is THE most important thing in our existence. YOU are here because of sex as are all of the rest of us. Sexual reproduction has allowed for the biodiversity we experience today and is one very important factor in biological evolution.

For this reason sex is very important to most human (and all other sexual organisms). You can have as much or as little emotion or connection with a sexual partner as you like but without sex I'd say it was a safe bet you wouldn't be here. Because sex is what allows us to be here it is completely understandable that most humans are interested in sex and allow it to influence any or all aspects of their life. Our body needs to trick us into reproducing somehow right?

 

[JoesshittyOs]

Congratulations you saw through all those smoke and mirrors of your peers and realized there is more to life than sex and girls it may sound like I am being sarcastic but that does put you ahead of a lot of people in there 20's maturity wise sadly.

A disclaimer before I reply to this; I really am a glass half full kind of guy. So if this seems edgy or emo-ish, forgive me.

What more to life is there than sex, and to that extent, relationships?

A job? Charity? Videogames?

Because really, once you get to a certain point in your life, you're basically just living. Nothing really to it.

The way I've sort of come to justify life is that I'm just living for the next small pleasure. Starting a relationship with someone I care about, having sex. Right now I'm just looking forward to that next joint I want to smoke. I think people placing things like this on such a high pedestal is actually extremely healthy for society. Because there really isn't much to look forward to in this lifetime besides the small pleasures.

 

[TomLikesGuitar]

Well, for one, as I said, I rarely see it end well (like, ever). Usually someone goes numb to the idea of sex, or it stifles their ability to become intimate on deeper emotional levels. Someone might get hurt because feelings exist for one person but not the other, creating heavy emotional strain.

Sounds like you've had some bad experiences. "Usually" is a strong word, and I know a lot of people who would very much disagree with you there. Someone "might" get hurt, but you "might" get hurt doing a lot of things in life. It doesn't make them wrong, it's just a part of life.

Now, sex itself (the act) does tend to weave a psychological/emotional bond between two people. To me, forming and breaking those bonds without much thought or investment seems dangerously frivolous.

I feel that this is a matter of willpower. I don't care much for many of the girls I've slept with, and a good number of them knew that from the get-go. I will say that it is incredibly hard to form a "psychological/emotional" bond with a girl who you met drunk at a 7/11 who you then brought to a party and fucked and never talked to again. And trust me, that girl wasn't exactly crying over me the next day either.

I can agree with you that sometimes people use a sort of falsified love to get laid and then break the other person's heart once they've had their fill, but so long as the terms are set beforehand, there really shouldn't be a problem.

However, like I said, I haven't done enough research to stake that claim and expect someone to agree with me. Which is why I said, differing opinions. I'm certainly not judging you.

No offense, but if you admit you haven't done the research, why is your opinion so set in stone? I can be a perfect example of research to prove that casual sexual activity can easily have no psychological ramifications.

Friends with benefits have been around since the dawn of time.

 

[crudus]

Spoiler: I thought of this when I was reading the OP

It also objectifies not just genders (yes, BOTH genders), but also the act of sex itself.

I have said for years that the male in porn is slightly below the dildo in the porn hierarchy. He is just another prop (and an annoying one at that).

It's not easy, because sex is so expected and common-place that wanting to refrain for any period of time (especially if you're a 21 Y/O dude) makes you seem like either a "loser"/"virgin", freak or some extremist fundie. Not a great label.

I run into this problem literally on a weekly basis. I hang out at a friend's house after work on Sundays and my sex life always comes up. Ill admit it has been 2100 days (give or take) since I last had sex. They seem to think it is a big deal and are always saying something like "this is why you don't get laid" (ironically applying it to things that females have said makes me attractive). No motherfuckers, I just don't care enough.

The final problem I have with sex is that so many people feel like they NEED it.

Now, human sexuality was my favorite subject in college (and still is). I personally find it interesting that in you give a mouse an orgasm button, it will press that thing until it dies of starvation. According to your DNA, life has one purpose: pass me on. Nothing else really matters beyond that. Considering all of that, "need" may be the correct word.

 

[axlryder]

If you honestly think my perceptions, and the perceptions of those who have drawn similar conclusions, are merely the by-product of a "bad sexual experience" then you're clearly far to presumptuous and generalizing for me to take your opinion seriously (what's more, you'd be wrong). Of course looking at sex as a casual experience can be dangerous (or, from my own perspective, simply IS dangerous), but to merely point that out is just reiterating a portion of my very post. If you're just agreeing with me, thanks I guess, but that agreement kind of contradicts your point that my impression is merely the result of a bad sexual experience, because that point ties directly into the portion you quoted.

I don't know what point you're actually trying to get across, but as far as I can tell it doesn't seem to be a very good one :/ Or maybe you were trying to get across a different message?

Also, if you're implying that I don't understand why "sex is so great", then you really missed the whole point of my topic.

-'I believe the value we as a society place on sex is not only excessive, but even potentially stifling and possibly that our entire perspective on sex is warped.'-

-'far to presumptuous and generalizing'-

Yeah, that is, of course, the response one would make that has no clue what I am talking about. It doesn't make you wrong, or a bad person, to not understand what sexual emotions make/cause... don't assume things you haven't undertaken.It's okay that you don't get it. It's okay that people think the world of things you haven't experienced.

No need for a fight on this one. It's just a case of 'some people experience things, and some people want to to talk like they experienced those same things.' There is no way you can talk to the latter as if you have a clue of what they know.

Once you admit to not knowing what one side feels/experiences/means... then you can not lecture them on what they know/feel/experience.

Savvy?

-'looking at sex as a casual experience'-

You make that sound like a mortal sin... is that where we are now?

Or am I talking to a wall on this one?

yes, the difference is that I stressed many times it was my OPINION. You seemed to state it as fact. What's more, I went through and detailed why I thought the way I did, you merely said "I needn't say more". I don't consider that the mark of someone who's in a position to try and point out hypocrisy as a debate tactic.

Also, you did nothing to substantially reinforce your point here (a point which you really failed to outline or defend in the first place), you merely spouted drivel and attempted to present evidence that wasn't evidence of anything at all.

Also, your blatantly condescending and patronizing attitude towards my alleged "lack of experience" is one of the very things that I referenced in my post, what a coincidence. What's more, the social problems I present here are mostly independent of how "awesome" sex itself is. You clearly didn't even read through my entire post. The actual personal apathy towards the act/pleasure derived from sex was only presented as a portion of the post and directed towards societies general attitude towards other people like me. If anything, your inability to share my perceptions further invalidates your opinion as being relevant here.

Also, you yourself condemned the act of emotionless sex in your previous post. Are you really in any position to try and turn that around on me?

Honestly, you're just making yourself out to be more trollish than anything.

 

[Astoria]

I agree with you on the sex sell thiing being way over used. It seems almost every add has it in some form. It's lazy in my opion and often demening to whichever gender is the one being shown as desirable. Also, does it work? I have never once wanted to buy something just because so hot person was thrown into the add and neither has anyone I know.

Sex is defintiely overreated. Yes, it is great but it's hardly what people make it out to be. Hounestly I think I like just being that close to my boyfrind more than the actual act itself. It's not good that people make such a big deal out of it because as you said it puts a lot of unnecissary pressure on virgins and might make them make a mistake. I know I used to worry about it alot because everyone I knew seemed to have lost their virginity before me but after I had I felt stupid for worrying about it.

I know that I was pretty much clueless about sex until I was 14 and even then everything I knew I'd been told about by friends. It's bad that's it's been treated as taboo mostly for kids, especially when they get it thrown in their face all the time. It confuses the hell out of them and that's when they end up with issues, like some firends I used to have who felt they had to have sex every weekend to prove their maturity. It needs to be adressed more, the parent/teacher ect doesn't even need to go into details, they need to tell them enough so that they understand it.

 

[Strain42]

To all the people who are saying "We don't need sex to live" yeah, we kinda do. Without sex, you would not be alive right now (unless you grew in the ground like some sort of potato man)

I'm sorry, but when did sex become a bad thing? To all the people here who are saying that they're proud to be virgins, or they don't see the appeal of sex. That's fine. I'm not here to tell you that you're wrong.

But I don't like seeing people act like that's the right way to go. Sex is a fundamental part of life. Yeah, it may not be the most important thing in the world, but neither are video games or the internet, and I know a lot of people who would go nuts if those things were taken away from them.

And that's the kind of attitude that we should do away with as a society. Have a little reverence. 50% of marriages today end in divorce, usually in the first couple of years. So much misery. Why? Because people think we need sex to live. The more you have sex, the less you bond with your partner. If people would just wait until they meet someone they want to spend their life with, and they know each other well enough to know they're the right person, they'll be happy forever.

F*** secularists. I'm a 19-year-old virgin and I'm damn proud.

Ok, I definitely disagree with most of this one. First of all, you openly admit you're a virgin (nothing wrong with that) but you're claiming that the more you have sex with your partner, the LESS you bond? Until you actually have sex with someone you care about, you're not really a good source of information on this matter. That's like asking a vegan their opinion on haute cuisine. You can get an answer, a little information, but a lot gets left out because there's a lot that they chose not to experience.

I do agree with you on the point that people should get to know each other a lot better before they get married, and if they did, perhaps we would have a lot less divorce. But I also firmly believe that getting to know someone before marrying them also means getting to know them sexually. Some people aren't sexually compatible, so even if you spend years getting to know someone, if that ends up happening, the odds of divorce are still there. You're not automatically guaranteed a happy life just by taking the time. You also have to take the full effort.

I've been with my girl for about two years now, and since we started having sex, we've been closer than ever. Sex hasn't torn us apart, it's made our bond stronger. It's not like we do it constantly, but it's an important part of our relationship.

Contrary to what some of people in this topic seem to think, sex is not inherently evil. It's not some sinister cult that makes you a bad person if you join it.

I agree with some of the points about sex in the media over hyping it, but honestly...who cares? What does some shampoo commercial or few minutes in a movie have to do with you? You shouldn't let stuff like that affect your life.

Wow, I ended up writing a lot more than I expected to.

 

[aba1]

Congratulations you saw through all those smoke and mirrors of your peers and realized there is more to life than sex and girls it may sound like I am being sarcastic but that does put you ahead of a lot of people in there 20's maturity wise sadly.

A disclaimer before I reply to this; I really am a glass half full kind of guy. So if this seems edgy or emo-ish, forgive me.

What more to life is there than sex, and to that extent, relationships?

A job? Charity? Videogames?

Because really, once you get to a certain point in your life, you're basically just living. Nothing really to it.

The way I've sort of come to justify life is that I'm just living for the next small pleasure. Starting a relationship with someone I care about, having sex. Right now I'm just looking forward to that next joint I want to smoke. I think people placing things like this on such a high pedestal is actually extremely healthy for society. Because there really isn't much to look forward to in this lifetime besides the small pleasures.

When I say more to life I mean goals and ambitions making friends and getting the most out of life. Sex is just a piece of that puzzle

 

[TomLikesGuitar]

Wow, I ended up writing a lot more than I expected to.

That is by far the most common thought to ever go through my head when I am on the Escapist lol.

 

[axlryder]

Well, for one, as I said, I rarely see it end well (like, ever). Usually someone goes numb to the idea of sex, or it stifles their ability to become intimate on deeper emotional levels. Someone might get hurt because feelings exist for one person but not the other, creating heavy emotional strain.

Sounds like you've had some bad experiences. "Usually" is a strong word, and I know a lot of people who would very much disagree with you there. Someone "might" get hurt, but you "might" get hurt doing a lot of things in life. It doesn't make them wrong, it's just a part of life.

Now, sex itself (the act) does tend to weave a psychological/emotional bond between two people. To me, forming and breaking those bonds without much thought or investment seems dangerously frivolous.

I feel that this is a matter of willpower. I don't care much for many of the girls I've slept with, and a good number of them knew that from the get-go. I will say that it is incredibly hard to form a "psychological/emotional" bond with a girl who you met drunk at a 7/11 who you then brought to a party and fucked and never talked to again. And trust me, that girl wasn't exactly crying over me the next day either.

I can agree with you that sometimes people use a sort of falsified love to get laid and then break the other person's heart once they've had their fill, but so long as the terms are set beforehand, there really shouldn't be a problem.

However, like I said, I haven't done enough research to stake that claim and expect someone to agree with me. Which is why I said, differing opinions. I'm certainly not judging you.

No offense, but if you admit you haven't done the research, why is your opinion so set in stone? I can be a perfect example of research to prove that casual sexual activity can easily have no psychological ramifications.

Friends with benefits have been around since the dawn of time.

Just in my own personal experience I've talked to a good 35 or so, and I've never personally seen someone who participated in casual sex for any long period of time that didn't regret it. At best, they did it for a little while and just didn't really regret it or had fun (that was maybe 4-5 people). Most of them, though, said they felt hollow, regretted it in some way, or that there was a falling out of sorts. If they didn't say it, it was apparent in their attitudes towards me and towards one another. Perhaps your experiences differ, that's fine and I'm glad for you.

As to the whole "getting drunk and fucking" that's not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about FWB, swingers, people who frequently go to bars. That's a different issues. Hedonism has never proven to be a healthy long term method of sustaining one's self, though. As to willpower, I don't think one should have to "will" themselves into not forming an emotional connection or getting smashed just so they can avoid the emotional consequences. That sounds more like escapism.

When I say I haven't done a lot of research, I mean I haven't done enough to positively solidify my opinion or to feel I should actively try and share that opinion with others. I've done enough to form an opinion, certainly. Also, I wouldn't exactly want to use you as evidence because you're just some random dude on the internet (a stand up guy, I'm sure, but a random one nonetheless), so I don't have a way to verify anything/see your face/probe your psyche/etc.

yes, the subjugation of females has existed since the dawn of man too, and it was a lot more acceptable back then. Just because something WAS okay doesn't make it okay now. I'm not saying it ISN'T okay, just that things existing for a long time isn't exactly a great testament to its potential moral implications.

 

[BiscuitWheels]

Sex is kinda like money and oxygen. You really don't miss it until you don't get enough. All kidding aside, it's really a personal thing. Some people might not enjoy it. Other people obsess over it. It's like anything else physical.

 

[loch belthadd]

You know, it's not that I disagree with your points as much as I just couldn't care less. It's a simple act no more phenomenal than that of eating.

And that's the kind of attitude that we should do away with as a society. Have a little reverence. 50% of marriages today end in divorce, usually in the first couple of years. So much misery. Why? Because people think we need sex to live. The more you have sex, the less you bond with your partner. If people would just wait until they meet someone they want to spend their life with, and they know each other well enough to know they're the right person, they'll be happy forever.

F*** secularists. I'm a 19-year-old virgin and I'm damn proud.

The only reason divorce rates are up so high is because it is socially acceptable now. Back in Ye Olden Days it was illegal to get divorced (and most of the time you had no say in who you married). An entire country was excommunicated because the king wanted a divorce (Look up the church of England). Even in more modern times when it wasn't illegal it simply wasn't done. If you married the wrong person, then you would just have to live in misery, and/or cheat on each other. It is better that they get divorced than having to stay with someone they don't love anymore.

 

[axlryder]

snip

-'I believe the value we as a society place on sex is not only excessive, but even potentially stifling and possibly that our entire perspective on sex is warped.'-

-'far to presumptuous and generalizing'-


You make that sound like a mortal sin... is that where we are now?

Or am I talking to a wall on this one?

yes, the difference is that I stressed many times it was my OPINION. You seemed to state it as fact. What's more, I went through and detailed why I thought the way I did, you merely said "I needn't say more". I don't consider that the mark of someone who's in a position to try and point out hypocrisy as a debate tactic.

Also, you did nothing to substantially reinforce your point here (a point which you really failed to outline or defend in the first place), you merely spouted drivel and attempted to present evidence that wasn't evidence of anything at all.

Also, your blatantly condescending and patronizing attitude towards my alleged "lack of experience" is one of the very things that I referenced in my post, what a coincidence. What's more, the social problems I present here are mostly independent of how "awesome" sex itself is. You clearly didn't even read through my entire post. The actual personal apathy towards the act/pleasure derived from sex was only presented as a portion of the post and directed towards societies general attitude towards other people like me. If anything, your inability to share my perceptions further invalidates your opinion as being relevant here.

Also, you yourself condemned the act of emotionless sex in your previous post. Are you really in any position to try and turn that around on me?

Honestly, you're just making yourself out to be more trollish than anything.

You don't get how opinions can be told as fact.... k...

I don't care what you consider when talking about who can point out what they they think is fact... same for you... what does that mean? Nothing new...

continue...

Your lack of experience is what this all about. Don't try to brush me off because I called you out on it.

One day, in the far future, you will realize what I mean. Once again, I say to you, You cannot, will not, shall not, accept what I say until you have lived for the amount of years I have. Call it bullshit. Call it a cheap trick that some random stranger on the internet is attempting to pull over your eyes. Call it what ever the hell you want to.

You want to argue with me. You want to win some sort of fight.

Okay.

You win.

You are right, and I am wrong.

I can't understand what you are trying to say.

I'm ignorant.

My inability to share your perceptions further invalidates my opinion as being relevant here.

Just like you can't see what I'm saying, I can't get your teen angst.

What can be taken away from this internet forums posting?

3 things. But since we don't se eye to eye, here is a picture to describe your thoughts:

Spoiler

Generally I find, for ease of communication, it's helpful to, at one point or another, state you are indeed sharing an opinion. This is especially true when making a bold assumption about someone.

Lack of experience? You seem to misunderstand because I've had enough. I mean, 9 gfs, 6 sexual partners, 3 relationships longer than a year (one being 4). I'm friends with 6 of my 9 exes. I've had one very bad experience, but I'm not so juvenile as to let it cloud my perceptions. Yes, I've never slept around, but that's not exactly something I aspire towards. Again, everything your saying here is based on nothing but your own misconceptions. Posting a picture of a crying baby and doesn't mean you're any less uninformed. I don't want to win an argument, I want you to stop posting vague nonsense tainted with a smug sense of privy

Also, if you're trying to tell me my physical unenjoyment of sex is rooted in teen angst, congratulations, you might as well just say every homosexual is faking it (and being even more presumptuous), because it's basically equivalent. Just because my nerve endings don't work the same way as yours do does not mean I just "don't get it". For the record, sex does for me emotionally quite a bit, but it's purely emotional. Yeah, you really have no idea what you're talking about. Not trying to be rude about it, it's just rather obvious.

 

[axlryder]

Lack of experience? You seem to misunderstand because I've had enough. I mean, 9 gfs, 6 sexual partners, 3 relationships longer than a year (one being 4). I'm friends with 6 of my 9 exes. I've had one very bad experience, but I'm not so juvenile as to let it cloud my perceptions. Yes, I've never slept around, but that's not exactly something I aspire towards. Again, everything your saying here is based on nothing but your own misconceptions. Posting a picture of a crying baby and doesn't mean you're any less uninformed. I don't want to win an argument, I want you to stop posting vague nonsense tainted with a smug sense of privy

Also, if you're trying to tell me my physical unenjoyment of sex is rooted in teen angst, congratulations, you might as well just say every homosexual is faking it (and being even more presumptuous), because it's basically equivalent. Just because my nerve endings don't work the same way as yours do does not mean I just "don't get it". For the record, sex does for me emotionally quite a bit, but it's purely emotional. Yeah, you really have no idea what you're talking about. Not trying to be rude about it, it's just rather obvious.

My misconceptions have lead me towards my comments...

You got me there.

-'vague nonsense tainted with a smug sense of privy'-

Okay, you take what I said that way... I won't argue that.

-'every homosexual is faking it'-

Now I see... I lost typing anything after that.

Cheers!

I hope we have a nice day!?!

Are you trying to imply that was MY position? Because clearly you have trouble reading if that's the case. My own "condition" is no less real or physiologically ingrained than homosexuality. To try and dismiss it as "teen angst" is basically saying "homosexuals are faking it". If you can't see the obvious parallel here maybe you're just in denial about exactly how rude you were being? I can't blame you, you were being pretty insensitive.


edit: I see, your edit clarifies your point. I'm was merely using an apt comparison, it wasn't a calculated move to manipulate the tide of public opinion against you or something.