Now, I know there have been threads on relationships recently, I have even posted on them myself. I consider this a slightly different take on the matter and I thought it could do with its own thread instead of sidetracking another one.
So. Sexual relationships. I don't get them.
I mean, I understand them. At least I think I do. From a biochemical and social point of view, I think I understand them. It may be that I have deep psychological issues, I'm not expecting anyone to address them on an internet forum but I do feel there is room for intellectual discourse here.
I think society is not only over-sexualized but over-romantisized too. Since a little kid I've been subjected not only pornography (nobody forced it on me, my parents were very protective of me, I took it upon myself to discover it) but this to this Hollywood version of love that I, in restrospect, find perhaps even more damaging to a young person's mind than porn.
For a long time, virtually all my teen years, I was a bit fat, quite geeky, and very self-conscious about it all. I grew up fantasizing about the perfect relationship and all that. Basically, in today's terms, I was one of these 13 year old girls that have a Twilight fetish. Only I was a guy and my drug of choice was Buffy. I never really had any chance of approaching a real girl, I never even realised it could've been an option. I didn't even have any female friends.
Now before this all starts to sound like pathetic emo whining, I assure you, I realise I wasn't the only one and I'm not quite like that anymore. Anyway.
I hit 19. I was living in a dorm, I took it upon me to lose the weight. I did. All of it. I hit the gym, got a better haircut, got some new clothes and a slightly improved self esteem. Suddenly I was the hottest thing in college. I kid you not. At parties I was very reluctant to go to in the first place, I had these models and exotic dancer types asking me if they could "spend the night". I was baffled, got a massive egoboost and got quite cocky. For the first time in my life I realised I could go and ask out virtually any girl I fancied and there was a good chance they'd go out with me. Being the faux intellectual type I am, not many of them could hold my interest. So I had a couple of brief things with girls but it never felt right. I realised how all those fantasies and idealised notions I'd grown up on had corrupted me, I guess, every time I had a thing for someone, I realised I didn't have a thing for them but that I'd automatically begun to twist them into some perfect ideal in my head. I couldn't relate to the concept of a relationship, not even real sex.
Now, before you go "yeah, so? You don't want a relationship. Big deal. On to the next topic." I'd like to point out that I feel like I'm missing out on something, as if it's this essential part of the human experience and I don't know how to go about it.
As I'm typing this, I realise that someone may interpret this as being a case of a closet homosexual not realising they're gay. Well, I wish that were the case, I really do. In all honesty, I'm probably slightly bisexual, I think most people are, I've just never really had any noticeable sexual interest towards men. Although, perhaps it is not quite right to say I've had interest in women either, since what I've grown up thinking women are and feel like is far removed from reality, making my notions of what is sexually arousing and romantic incredibly unrealistic and something that doesn't have a relatable equivalent in the real world.
I think a lot of people have problems with relationships and sexuality because of how unrealistic the expectations are, how much of the whole concept seems to be a self perpetuating myth rather than a natural part of human behaviour. I mean, of course sexual relationships are natural, just not this bastardized version of it seemingly everyone has bought into. Now, I do believe there are other people who feel the same way, so feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on the matter.
So. Sexual relationships. I don't get them.
I mean, I understand them. At least I think I do. From a biochemical and social point of view, I think I understand them. It may be that I have deep psychological issues, I'm not expecting anyone to address them on an internet forum but I do feel there is room for intellectual discourse here.
I think society is not only over-sexualized but over-romantisized too. Since a little kid I've been subjected not only pornography (nobody forced it on me, my parents were very protective of me, I took it upon myself to discover it) but this to this Hollywood version of love that I, in restrospect, find perhaps even more damaging to a young person's mind than porn.
For a long time, virtually all my teen years, I was a bit fat, quite geeky, and very self-conscious about it all. I grew up fantasizing about the perfect relationship and all that. Basically, in today's terms, I was one of these 13 year old girls that have a Twilight fetish. Only I was a guy and my drug of choice was Buffy. I never really had any chance of approaching a real girl, I never even realised it could've been an option. I didn't even have any female friends.
Now before this all starts to sound like pathetic emo whining, I assure you, I realise I wasn't the only one and I'm not quite like that anymore. Anyway.
I hit 19. I was living in a dorm, I took it upon me to lose the weight. I did. All of it. I hit the gym, got a better haircut, got some new clothes and a slightly improved self esteem. Suddenly I was the hottest thing in college. I kid you not. At parties I was very reluctant to go to in the first place, I had these models and exotic dancer types asking me if they could "spend the night". I was baffled, got a massive egoboost and got quite cocky. For the first time in my life I realised I could go and ask out virtually any girl I fancied and there was a good chance they'd go out with me. Being the faux intellectual type I am, not many of them could hold my interest. So I had a couple of brief things with girls but it never felt right. I realised how all those fantasies and idealised notions I'd grown up on had corrupted me, I guess, every time I had a thing for someone, I realised I didn't have a thing for them but that I'd automatically begun to twist them into some perfect ideal in my head. I couldn't relate to the concept of a relationship, not even real sex.
Now, before you go "yeah, so? You don't want a relationship. Big deal. On to the next topic." I'd like to point out that I feel like I'm missing out on something, as if it's this essential part of the human experience and I don't know how to go about it.
As I'm typing this, I realise that someone may interpret this as being a case of a closet homosexual not realising they're gay. Well, I wish that were the case, I really do. In all honesty, I'm probably slightly bisexual, I think most people are, I've just never really had any noticeable sexual interest towards men. Although, perhaps it is not quite right to say I've had interest in women either, since what I've grown up thinking women are and feel like is far removed from reality, making my notions of what is sexually arousing and romantic incredibly unrealistic and something that doesn't have a relatable equivalent in the real world.
I think a lot of people have problems with relationships and sexuality because of how unrealistic the expectations are, how much of the whole concept seems to be a self perpetuating myth rather than a natural part of human behaviour. I mean, of course sexual relationships are natural, just not this bastardized version of it seemingly everyone has bought into. Now, I do believe there are other people who feel the same way, so feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on the matter.
