I say nail it if you can but don't expext your misses to have you back.
she will call that BULLSHIT
she will call that BULLSHIT
Sexual Relationships
- Thread starter Kurokami
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yes a pourposeSmagmuck08 said:
few polyamorous relationships work out in any long term way. the simple solution is find someone you actually enjoy being with. my girl just gets me, and I get her, and our relationship is about being with each other and sex is just part of that.
you can keep the spark alive if you nurture it, and if their are sexual things you want to try and you dont trust your partner enough to at least talk top them about it, you are with the wrong person.
you can keep the spark alive if you nurture it, and if their are sexual things you want to try and you dont trust your partner enough to at least talk top them about it, you are with the wrong person.
So have lots of girlfriends and one night stands until you're ready to have a real relationship.
Sorry but if I was ready to actually settle down with a man in a relationship, I don't think I would be happy letting him sleep with other women. But then, I have nothing against being sexually adventurous. Once you get into a relationship that's actually serious and mature--you should be able to talk to your partner about your sex life. If you can't discuss it with your partner, than you aren't that serious yet.
Sorry but if I was ready to actually settle down with a man in a relationship, I don't think I would be happy letting him sleep with other women. But then, I have nothing against being sexually adventurous. Once you get into a relationship that's actually serious and mature--you should be able to talk to your partner about your sex life. If you can't discuss it with your partner, than you aren't that serious yet.
I've been in closed relationships. I've also been in open relationships. I've also dated prostitutes (but never had a "sexual-financial transaction" with one). All situations worked fine and broke up for reasons completely unrelated to any actual sex or fidelity issues.Kurokami said:
The key is to be honest and communicate openly with your partner. If both people know exactly what they're getting in for, and agree to it beforehand that this is the right thing for them, then there's no reason why any situation can't work. Problems arise when people lie about their motivations, or go along with the other partner when it's not really what they want and then resentment builds up.
No offense, but this is what I think is a problem with modern culture: sex is nothing more than entertainment to us.
Way I see it, sex is supposed to be something enjoyed by two people in a committed, loving relationship. If only people actually did this, a lot of problems would be avoided, and in this case, you wouldn't need to worry about never seeing yourself with only one person because that person would be the only one you would care to have sex with.
Way I see it, sex is supposed to be something enjoyed by two people in a committed, loving relationship. If only people actually did this, a lot of problems would be avoided, and in this case, you wouldn't need to worry about never seeing yourself with only one person because that person would be the only one you would care to have sex with.
To be honest, it doesn't matter what your sexual preferences are: there will always be other people of the opposite sex out there who will equal or even surpass the extent of your preferences. When you encounter a person like that, I assure you, you will never feel the need to stray again. I am speaking from experience here: I've been with a few women, all of which have had different sex drives, and only one of them matched my own. It was a sad day when that relationship ended, let me tell you.
Back on topic: if the partner you are with right now does not please you in this manner, then I suggest you find a new partner. This is all assuming, of course, that sex is all you care about. From the sounds of your original post, I'm assuming this is the case, which is a much sadder tale than not being with someone you're happy with.
Back on topic: if the partner you are with right now does not please you in this manner, then I suggest you find a new partner. This is all assuming, of course, that sex is all you care about. From the sounds of your original post, I'm assuming this is the case, which is a much sadder tale than not being with someone you're happy with.
I disagree, sex came before love, or "relationships", at least how we know them. It the most naturally thing in the world, humans are made to want sex, it's ingrained into us, and so lots of people can't help but have sex while not dating, or some such.Thaius said:
Love and relationships have nothing to do with sex, sex is procreation and entertainment, a relationship is wanting to spend your time with someone else, I don't see how those two are really that similar.
Isn't that a bit over simplistic? Sex really doesn't need to only not be part of an intimate relationship if the equipment doesn't work. There's more to being lovers than sex, and not having sex does not mean you're "just friends."cleverlymadeup said:
Well, if you're talking about "I won't settle down because I like variety in my sex life", that's not exactly uncommon. Welcome to the world of most twenty-something males in America. But, to answer your core question:
I would never want to be in an open relationship. I have no interest in sharing my partner, and no interest in sleeping with other people. In my experience what makes sex fun is a level of comfort and giving which tends to not exist in anything other than a serious relationship. Plus, in the interest of full-disclosure, I'm fairly jealous and paranoid. I want my partner to be exclusive to me (and would likely freak out and dump her immediately if she cheated), and want to be exclusive to my partner.
That said, some people get by just fine in open relationships. They do work, for the right people, and if the rules are well-defined and understood going into it. First, you have to present it to any likely significant other honestly. If you can't be in a monogamous relationship, you have to be upfront about it. You can't just spring it on her four months in, because that's dishonest. A person who cannot be monogamous should not be with someone who can't be polyamorous.
Second, you've got to have rules set down. Obviously, the "main" relationship always has to take precedence. Define with whom, and under what circumstances, it's okay to cheat, and to what extent. Is it okay to mutually masturbate? Give and receive oral sex? Vaginal? Anal? Will you share a partner (or two), or will it be open season? If you sit down and discuss all of this and both partners want to have the "spice" of an open relationship without giving up the actual relationship part, more power to you. Though, anyone willing to be in an open relationship is probably not a prude, and so would be willing to do some kinky things in the bedroom anyway.
The biggest thing is that this decision can't be unilateral, so if you're wanting to be able to sow wild oats, be sure you're comfortable with your partner doing it. And it can't be a demand. Both partners need to want to do it, or you're just bullying a woman into letting you cheat, and that's not right.
I would never want to be in an open relationship. I have no interest in sharing my partner, and no interest in sleeping with other people. In my experience what makes sex fun is a level of comfort and giving which tends to not exist in anything other than a serious relationship. Plus, in the interest of full-disclosure, I'm fairly jealous and paranoid. I want my partner to be exclusive to me (and would likely freak out and dump her immediately if she cheated), and want to be exclusive to my partner.
That said, some people get by just fine in open relationships. They do work, for the right people, and if the rules are well-defined and understood going into it. First, you have to present it to any likely significant other honestly. If you can't be in a monogamous relationship, you have to be upfront about it. You can't just spring it on her four months in, because that's dishonest. A person who cannot be monogamous should not be with someone who can't be polyamorous.
Second, you've got to have rules set down. Obviously, the "main" relationship always has to take precedence. Define with whom, and under what circumstances, it's okay to cheat, and to what extent. Is it okay to mutually masturbate? Give and receive oral sex? Vaginal? Anal? Will you share a partner (or two), or will it be open season? If you sit down and discuss all of this and both partners want to have the "spice" of an open relationship without giving up the actual relationship part, more power to you. Though, anyone willing to be in an open relationship is probably not a prude, and so would be willing to do some kinky things in the bedroom anyway.
The biggest thing is that this decision can't be unilateral, so if you're wanting to be able to sow wild oats, be sure you're comfortable with your partner doing it. And it can't be a demand. Both partners need to want to do it, or you're just bullying a woman into letting you cheat, and that's not right.
I both agree and disagree. In terms of not having actual penetrative "sex", I agree there's more to being lovers (much, much, much more). But if there's no physical intimacy, Cleverlymadeup is right: you're not in a romantic relationship. You can be intimate, share your lives, be close on many levels, but without the sexual component, it's just being good friends. I have good female friends, don't get me wrong, and I love them dearly, but we're not in a "relationship" if there's no physical intimacy. No dice.Zachary Amaranth said:
It should if a brutha wants to avoid snapping his freaking spine.Glefistus said:
Love and relationships have everything to do with sex if you have enough foresight to think about consequences. That's the big issue here; you shouldn't have sex with anyone until you're ready to accept the consequences, meaning you're in a position to raise a kid if one comes into the picture (and it will eventually--there's no such thing as 100% effective birth control short of complete abstinence, and if you believe otherwise you're tapdancing on a minefield). And what happens if you get a girl pregnant and she decides to keep it? You can't force her to have an abortion; more importantly, the law (at least in the US) says that if you get a woman pregnant, you're responsible for providing for the kid, and unless you want to go to jail for not paying child support, there's not a fucking thing you can do about it. There's also the disease issue; if you're just interested in getting your bone on, how closely are you going to check? You can ask, but the other person (a) might be a liar--even women lie to get laid, or (b) might not even know themselves. I don't think casual sex is worth the risk, so I'm not going to go sticking my schwanz on the line (so to speak) and I don't see how anyone else can either.Dyp100 said:
Edit:
I watched the whole clip. Here's my problem: I don't care what the lower primates do, because if that's the yardstick against which we're going to measure ourselves, we might as well toss out the use of any tools other than sticks and rocks. You can't cherry-pick which traits you want to share with the chimps and just ignore the rest; we are fundamentally different animals, and saying that the behavior of lower primates is any indication of the ideal to which we should hold ourselves is fucking retarded. (Case in point: Chimpanzees are known to engage in cannibalism. It's rare, but it happens, and a hell of a lot more than it does among humans. Also, I'm using the editorial you; I don't know the degree to which you personally hold with what P&T have to say.) Besides, P&T keep making it seem like the only reasonable opposition to the "traditional man-and-woman marriage" argument is polyamory, which it isn't; there are plenty of gay couples who remain faithful to each other. I'm a card-carrying (literally) Democrat, and I think gays ought to be able to marry, but I don't think arguing in favor of polyamory is any way to support that.The Maddest March Hare said:
