Should I file a sexual harassment claim?

[Brawndo]

I started a part-time job at a state agency about four weeks ago, and there is a married woman in her early 50s who works there who is not my direct superior, but is still above me. She appears tired and sulky most of the time, but whenever she sees me she brightens up immediately. She acts flirty every time she talks to me and often gives me compliments on what I am wearing that day. She has grabbed my biceps at least twice before and asked whether I work out.

Yesterday I got a buzzcut, and today at work she unexpectedly came up from behind me when I was seated and ran her hands all over my head and commented how I look like the guy from Prison Break.

Now it's very possible she is being an innocent flirt because she is bored at work and means nothing by it, but I am going to choose to feel violated and offended instead. I am not a sexual object, and I demand to be taken seriously at my job!

Should I file a claim and potentially ruin this woman's long career and marriage?

 

[Gxas]

I'd say tell her to stop first, before you file a complaint. If she doesn't stop, then file the complaint.

 

[Wayneguard]

blackmail.... it's the only option.

 

[MurderousToaster]

I'd just tell her to back off and if she keeps doing it, then consider getting litigious. It seems to me, although I've never lived there, that you guys over in the States seem to like to throw around claims and lawsuits a bit too soon than is healthy.

 

[Onyx Oblivion]

I dunno. Try talking first.

Take further actions later if it doesn't stop.

 

[Goldeneye1989]

You might want to say, hey listen i know you might mean well but this is really making me feel uncomfortable, or something, just try to empathize if you were doing the same to a co-worker what you would want them to say to you.

 

[Realitycrash]

Ask her to stop first. After that, ask again. The third time, go to whoever is above her and tell him/her. If that doesn't work, sexual-harassment claim will.

 

[Brawndo]

Yes, why not?

Would it change your opinion if I told you she is only 1 year away from qualifying for pension for serving the state for 15 years?

 

[rancher of monsters]

Ask her to tone it down first, if she doesn't SUE HER FOR ALL SHE'S WORTH!

 

[Dogstile]

You've not told her to stop first, you might want to try that first.

Some girls are like that, all touchy. Its cute, but uncomfortable sometimes.

 

[jamesworkshop]

always talk first, it's not really harasment if you don't ask her to stop in my book unless it's like directly touching your genital area

 

[TheAmazingHobo]

No, you should not.

At least not until you have confronted her about it and tried to make her understand that you wish her to stop behaving in such a way.

Suing should be the LAST step in settling such a problem,
not the first. It always irritates me when people believe it is the other way around.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

Seriously man, you've created a false dichotomy here, those aren't your only options. Before filing a complaint, maybe you should just tell her that you'd appreciate it if she'd respect your personal space. Sure, maybe she's genuinely harassing you, but maybe she's just kind of oblivious. I know it sucks having to actually talk to people and say things like "hey, could you refrain from touching me, I'm pretty sensitive about my personal space," but skipping that choice is downright selfish and cowardly.

Just politely ask her next time she bothers you to respect your space, and if she keeps invading it, or starts to treat you badly as a result of your request then you can file a complaint. Until then, do the right thing, even if it is harder to do than just filing a complaint.

 

[Zorg Machine]

tell her to stop and if she doesn't...well it's about time that guys get to play the sexual harassment card.

 

[Terminal Blue]

I know this isn't helpful, but I really don't think anyone can decide this one for you..

Technically, what she has done is sexual harassment, at least as far as my understanding of the law goes, but without knowing the precise context and how you reacted in that situation I'm really not sure how it would go down if you filed it.

Have you told her that you don't like it? As you said, she just might not be aware that it's a problem. While technically that doesn't factor into the definition (you still didn't invite her to touch you) in practical terms it makes a big difference. How do you think she will feel if you attempt to ruin her career without even talking to her about the problem first?

Also, because it bears mentioning, depending on the maturity and sensitivity of your workplace your claim might not be taken as seriously as you hope. Like it or not, being male still carries certain social expectations, one of which is that you will be able to look after yourself in these kinds of situations. It may be that you have a very enlightened workplace which will handle this impeccably, but it also may be that you don't.

Summary: Just because something is a crime doesn't mean you have to report it or even necessarily that it's a good idea to. While I wish you good luck if you want to go down that route, it's really not one I'd go down lightly or just out of principle. I'm pretty sure talking to this person yourself would accomplish much the same effect.

 

[Brawndo]

Ask her to tone it down first, if she doesn't SUE HER FOR ALL SHE'S WORTH!

I'm definitely leaning towards suing. I feel that my few minutes of discomfort a day can only be adequately compensated with the full value of her 401k. Maybe she'll even have to sell her house!

 

[Penguinness]

Nothing sexually evident realllllyyyy, plus you should talk to her first.