Why can't you just tell her to stop? I think it would be less awkward than having her fired for nothing more than "flirtatious behaviour".Brawndo said:
Should I file a sexual harassment claim?
- Thread starter Brawndo
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Are you scarred for life? Was it a deeply traumatic experience?
Have you in any way showed that you dislike this treatment?
Would you rather she was a ***** to you, therefore making your working life considerably less easy?
If the answer to all of the above is no, then I'd say hold off on the charges.
Have you in any way showed that you dislike this treatment?
Would you rather she was a ***** to you, therefore making your working life considerably less easy?
If the answer to all of the above is no, then I'd say hold off on the charges.
Sure do not do the thing that is the most reasonable and first tell her to stop it as you do not like it.Brawndo said:
Be smart and sue her get her fired , your coworkers will love the fact you are trying to get her fired for sexual harassment without saying you do not want it first. That will really go over well with your co-workers.
As soon as I hit "post", I realized what I'd written and hoped that no one would catch my little funny way of expressing myself.Brawndo said:Whenever I tell girls I am a fan of "oral flirting", they tell me that they don't do that on the first dateholy_secret said:
Kudos to you, sir.
On topic: If you feel uncomfortable, just tell her. There are ways to do so, mind you. You can say it oraly or bodily. Just say "I don't feel comfortable with you touching me" or take a step back when she does that so she gets the signals that she should stop doing what she's doing.
Should work wonders, right?
Well, I suppose there is an argument that the thigh is coming a little closer to sexual contact than touching hair. Some parts of the body are simply out of bounds for casual contact - thighs would be one. Frankly, someone puts an uninvited hand on my thigh, I will retaliate.Brawndo said:
OP, do you have a human resources department? Do you have any kind of employee rights advocacy? At the very least I would start by making a note of times/dates/locations - keep a log/journal. If you don't feel ready to take it further, is there someone you can tell to at least put the matter on record? Did anyone see her touch you? (note witnesses in your journal).
What you do next is up to you. None of us know here how you actually feel, nor should any of us presume to tell you.
In your place I would tell her. In my last job it was quite common for the male management to greet the women staff with a kiss on either cheek. And the first time I saw it I was a bit... 0.o So when I ended up in one of these greetings I simply took a step back and stuck my hand out to shake instead. Turned out none of the women liked it, but none of them had the gumption to DO anything. Once I had made a stand, hand shaking became the norm.
Eh, i think you've missed a step or two. Talk to her first. Then, bring it up to your supervisor/HR department, if she prosests. At this point it doesn't sound like she's done anything more then be a bit flirty. Touching your arm/hair and being compelementive isn't sexual harrasment YET. But, it can lead to it. I think a verbal warning would be first step, if it essculated past the point of you asking her to stop. If she doesn't, then yeah, fill an offical complaint. I doubt it'd make it that far in all honesty.Brawndo said:
Bring it to her attention that you are offended first, and then if it persists file a claim, legal action should generally be taken after personal action.
The thing about this, if you change it so that this exact same situation was happening with a girl, what would this sound like?ZeroMachine said:
You're really that uncomfortable with it? People flirt. It happens all the time. Take a little pride in the fact that a man finds you attractive. But if you're really, REALLY that uncomfortable with it, ask him to stop. Explain that you don't feel that flirting in the work place is appropriate, and just explain, kindly, that you aren't interested.
Filing sexual harassment against him is such a disgusting waste of your time, his time, and the court's time, considering it's just a crush. Come on, girl.
See what I mean? Now it sounds like you're being a horrible insensitive bastard. This is a perfect example of how people view gender roles in our society. I'm just trying to make the point that people would be baying for blood if it was a 50 year old man and a younger woman.
(NOTE: this isn't a shot at you, Zero. You make a valid point, I'm just using it to make mine)
It's not about being male or female. Welcome to life, it sucks and sometimes you have to do shit you don't want to do. Here you have a choice, you can do the right thing, get over the fact that you have to do something awkward, and ask her to leave you be. Or you can take the coward's way out, risk severely hurting someone who may just be oblivious, and have to live with your actions for the rest of your life. It's like you said in your opening post, if you file a complaint, you could pretty much ruin this woman's life. Can you live with yourself if you ruin someone's life? I'm not just asking if you can live with it tomorrow, or next week, I'm saying imagine if she is just oblivious, putting yourself in her shoes, will you be able to live with yourself years from now, after you've carried your guilt with you? Does the minor discomfort you have to face even begin to compare to the tremendous pain that you will be putting this woman in if you file a complaint? You already know it doesn't.Brawndo said:
Imagine if you lost everything from all your years of working, ruined your marriage, all because you were doing something annoying without realizing it. Can you really and truly say that you've never annoyed anyone else without realizing it?
Filing a complaint without talking to her first is cowardly, selfish, and immature. It may feel good now, because it seems like the easy way out. Maybe you think you'll even be compensated monetarily for it, though you'll probably get very little even if you win the case. Do those pitiful rewards justify the harm you could cause? Not in the slightest. Unless you're a sociopath, you will end up feeling incredibly guilty if you file a complaint and ruin her life just to make yours a little easier.
To be blunt, if you're really going to file a complaint, you should be downright ashamed of yourself.
I would speak to her about it first before you go diving over her head, one because it's a much more mature and professional way of dealing with the situation, and two because management will just turn you around and tell you to talk to her about it first anyway.
I have had to file a complaint or two in my time and the only time I didn't discuss it with the person before hand was when I was working in a kitchen job and one of my co-workers bumped something off the counter and asked me to pick it up for him, I said sure and when I bent down he said "since you're such a pushover you might as well suck my cock while you're down there."
I have had to file a complaint or two in my time and the only time I didn't discuss it with the person before hand was when I was working in a kitchen job and one of my co-workers bumped something off the counter and asked me to pick it up for him, I said sure and when I bent down he said "since you're such a pushover you might as well suck my cock while you're down there."
/thread.Gxas said:
Seriously, can we try to work out our problems before looking for a higher authority to do so?
*faceplam*Brawndo said:
Ok, first and formost, i'd tell a women the same thing i told you, if the extent of the so called sexual harrassment was the same. (an older man being flirty, completimentive, and touching innocent parts of the body, like the arm, shoulder, or hair.) Your family friend, i can't comment on, i don't know the situation, nor have the others side of the story. But, a womens thighs tend to be a less innocent area of the body, IMO, and, honestly, his company may have overreacted, (or maybe they didn't and there's more to the story, if it's a real story at all.) but all of that is irrelevent to the conversaion at hand. Because one person overreacts isn't liscenes, or shouldn't be anyway, for others to overreact.
Man up. Enduring embarrassing and awkward situations builds charater.
Regardless of society's usual perceptions, this is most certainly sounding like sexual harassment. Ask her to stop touching you etc. without permission and the like. If she continues to do so anyway, file the claim.
Might as well ask her to stop the flirting and compliments too; I don't think it counts as sexual harassment, but it does sound rather annoying.
Oh, if after asking her to stop she decides to start descriminating against you or something, you could file a claim for that too. Or wrongful dismissal if it comes to that.
Sexual harassment can count as any kind of uncomfortable physical contact. It can differ from person to person, but if anyone was feeling my biceps or chest (I know the OP didn't mention that, but I'm going to anyway) without my permission than I wouldn't be happy about it either.
I'd be much more inclined to let them know about it though, and I would likely be very undimploatic about it. Depending on my mood, anyway.
Might as well ask her to stop the flirting and compliments too; I don't think it counts as sexual harassment, but it does sound rather annoying.
Oh, if after asking her to stop she decides to start descriminating against you or something, you could file a claim for that too. Or wrongful dismissal if it comes to that.
This comes across as being very unsympathetic.Kingsnake661 said:
Sexual harassment can count as any kind of uncomfortable physical contact. It can differ from person to person, but if anyone was feeling my biceps or chest (I know the OP didn't mention that, but I'm going to anyway) without my permission than I wouldn't be happy about it either.
I'd be much more inclined to let them know about it though, and I would likely be very undimploatic about it. Depending on my mood, anyway.
Because you - hopefully - have a sense of justice and know better than to ruin a persons life for something another human being does is perhaps just a friendly jest for you?Brawndo said:
What I can decipher from your description is that she wants some cock get laid, but that is probably out of the question. Just tell her to stop, albeit all of it is just awkward.
Besides, I doubt you'd want to be sued your ass of and be put back 10-20 years for just clapping a mate on the shoulder yourself, no? (People's been sued for less, believe me)
Double standards, fuck yeah.GreatTeacherCAW said:
So should i tell a female to GB2kitchen for the same reasons? Do you see how backwardly offensive that statement is?
And that makes it perfectly acceptable, does it?
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OT: Like other people have said, talk to your HR department. I don't know much about sexual harassment laws or even if they differ for men and women. I think you're going to have to tell her directly to stop flirting with you and touching you, despite how uncomfortable that may make you. If she continues, warn her again but say you're going to take legal action. You could just bypass all that and file a claim, but i'm not sure how far you'll get if you haven't made it clear you're being made uncomfortable by her actions. I will say that touching someone (sorry, but i count the hair as being more intimate and a far sight different to just the arm) who has not given permission is probably considered an outright invasion of personal space. I don't think you can file a claim if someone has just been glancing at you or saying flirty things to you, but the minute unwanted physical contact is made it becomes a more serious issue - especially if it's happened numerous times.
Tell her to stop behaving inappropriately, or if you really don't want to do that, go ahead and file a claim. Just make sure you're not doing it to say "look world, women are capable of sexual harassment too!"