Skills/abilities that you can't put on your CV/resume.

[6unn3r]

Ok so i recently had to re-type my CV (thats curiculum vitae or "resume" to the yanks) and got around to listing my key skills, ie: communication, IT and networking, word, excel, first aid, yadda yadda. However i then thought a bit more and was faced with a problem.....i have "acquired" several skills that i cant really put on a CV, many learnt from my Army days, such as:

-Making Thermite & Napalm
-Lock picking
-Silent room entry and clearance
-Silent takedowns & CQB
-Setting Traps
-Driving APC's
-Hiding in shadows/stalking

So escapists, what skills do you have that future/current employers might not wish to know about?

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I can make anything technical work by screaming and beating it, then Googling the answer.

 

[PhoenixBlade]

I can fix almost anything it seems to be an inbuilt system or maybe huge amounts of common sense, either way i get money for fixing things.

Oh and i can make various explosives, use of minor psychology and i can buff fairly well when the scenario calls for it.

 

[twistedmic]

I can write backwards, meaning going from write to left and it can be read normally when look in in a mirror or read through the back of the paper.
Edit- I can also read upside-down and backwards.

 

[BlackWidower]

I'm trying to think of something and I can't. Oddly enough, I kinda wish there was.

OO! I know how to crack passwords and WiFi keys. But honestly, those are skills I've never had a chance to apply successfully. I've only read about them. So I doubt that counts.

 

[ultrachicken]

Ok so i recently had to re-type my CV (thats curiculum vitae or "resume" to the yanks) and got around to listing my key skills, ie: communication, IT and networking, word, excel, first aid, yadda yadda. However i then thought a bit more and was faced with a problem.....i have "acquired" several skills taht i cant really put on a CV, many learnt from my Army days, such as:

-Making Thermite & Napalm
-Lock picking
-Silent room entry and clearance
-Silent takedowns & CQB
-Setting Traps
-Driving APC's
-Hiding in shadows/stalking

So escapists, what skills do you have that future/current employers might not wish to know about?

That is one creepy (yet awesome) set of skills.

 

[revenge6000]

I have a very particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

 

[Disaster Button]

I can crack my knees.

 

[Cap'n Ninja]

Honestly, anything I can do, I can twist in a way that it looks good on a CV.

Annoyingly nosy perfectionist? -Consistent motivator
Insufferable *****? -Managerially geared mind
Can and has broken a man's arm in three places multiple times?[footnote]Different people, all of whom deserved it. No I won't elaborate.[/footnote] -Aggressive negotiator
Obsessive? -Focused
Habit of waiting behind doors to scare the hell out of people walking in? -Patient

 

[Vault101]

can asemble flat-pack desk and chair.....

 

[kouriichi]

-I will always win at strip poker, because i enjoy being nude.
-I can get 3 women to agree to an orgy. ((I did it once, im sure i can do it again))
-I can play videogames, get dressed, and make breakfast all at once. ((What you know bout multitasking Hater?))
-I know what a RS NAND Latch is and i know how to use them.
-Im the best troll this side of Detroit, Michigan.
-I can beat TES:Morrowind without cheats in less then 20 minutes.

Id say those are pretty good skills. But none of them will land me a job.....

 

[thelonewolf266]

Surely you can put those skills on a CV you just have to be applying for a job that requires them.

 

[PhoenixBlade]

-I will always win at strip poker, because i enjoy being nude.
-I can get 3 women to agree to an orgy. ((I did it once, im sure i can do it again))
-I can play videogames, get dressed, and make breakfast all at once. ((What you know bout multitasking Hater?))
-I know what a RS NAND Latch is and i know how to use them.
-Im the best troll this side of Detroit, Michigan.
-I can beat TES:Morrowind without cheats in less then 20 minutes.

Id say those are pretty good skills. But none of them will land me a job.....

Well maybe the orgy skills might find you a job... maybe ... under very slight circumstances...

 

[Speakercone]

Well maybe the orgy skill might find you a job

-I will always win at strip poker, because i enjoy being nude.
-I can get 3 women to agree to an orgy. ((I did it once, im sure i can do it again))
-I can play videogames, get dressed, and make breakfast all at once. ((What you know bout multitasking Hater?))
-I know what a RS NAND Latch is and i know how to use them.
-Im the best troll this side of Detroit, Michigan.
-I can beat TES:Morrowind without cheats in less then 20 minutes.

Id say those are pretty good skills. But none of them will land me a job.....

Well maybe the orgy skills might find you a job... maybe ... under very slight circumstances...

If the man can honestly do that, then I want him leading my sales team.

 

[kouriichi]

Well maybe the orgy skill might find you a job

-I will always win at strip poker, because i enjoy being nude.
-I can get 3 women to agree to an orgy. ((I did it once, im sure i can do it again))
-I can play videogames, get dressed, and make breakfast all at once. ((What you know bout multitasking Hater?))
-I know what a RS NAND Latch is and i know how to use them.
-Im the best troll this side of Detroit, Michigan.
-I can beat TES:Morrowind without cheats in less then 20 minutes.

Id say those are pretty good skills. But none of them will land me a job.....

Well maybe the orgy skills might find you a job... maybe ... under very slight circumstances...

Ok, it wont find me a "Legal" job with these skills then.

And id rather not go to jail for, "30 counts of prostitution, 3 counts of promoting prostitution, and 10 counts of sound violation". ((I live in a townhouse, so my nearby neighbors might complain about the noises))

 

[twistedmic]

Ok so i recently had to re-type my CV (thats curiculum vitae or "resume" to the yanks) and got around to listing my key skills, ie: communication, IT and networking, word, excel, first aid, yadda yadda. However i then thought a bit more and was faced with a problem.....i have "acquired" several skills taht i cant really put on a CV, many learnt from my Army days, such as:

-Making Thermite & Napalm
-Lock picking
-Silent room entry and clearance
-Silent takedowns & CQB
-Setting Traps
-Driving APC's
-Hiding in shadows/stalking

So escapists, what skills do you have that future/current employers might not wish to know about?

Have you tried re-wording them to sound less like you're a master of death?
Like this
-Making Thermite & Napalm - Specialized chemistry experience
-Lock picking- partial locksmith training
-Silent room entry and clearance- Low-profile security training
-Silent takedowns & CQB- Personnel Management Skills
-Setting Traps- minor construction skills
-Driving APC's- Heavy Equipment management/usage skills
-Hiding in shadows/stalking- Quiet demeanor

 

[kouriichi]

-I can beat TES:Morrowind without cheats in less then 20 minutes.

Film and put it on youtube. then tell me. And I will pay you.

How much? And you should see about paying the people who beat it in 9 minutes or less first.
(Dont watch if you dont want spoilers)