slow and humiliating downward spiral into meaninglessness

[steamweedlegoblin]

Fellow escapists, I write to you because there's no one else for me to write to. My life is coming to an end. Not in a literal sense, as in death is lurking around the corner - although I wish it was. No, my life is ending with a slow and humiliating downward spiral into meaninglessness. A spiral that started long ago and I'm just now beginning to circle the drain.

I am the walking definition of a loser. I've been rejected by almost everyone I've ever met my entire life. Peers, teachers, employers, co-workers, family. I've never had a real friend, not even once. I'm in my mid-twenties. I'm divorced. My ex-wife left me with a vast amount of debt that I cannot repay. I live with my parents because I can't afford an apartment anymore. I'm on the verge of losing my job. I never finished college because the divorce left me unable to handle the burden. I have no hope of getting another job that's as good as the one I'm about to lose (which isn't very good to begin with). I have no hope for a future.

I want to close my eyes and never wake up. The sad thing is that I'm too much of a coward to make that happen. I feel like I'm slowly beginning to lose my mind. I'm thinking about having myself committed. I think that maybe all of the people who rejected me were right. Maybe they somehow sensed that there's something broken in me. Something that can't be fixed. Maybe the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it.

I don't expect much in return for sharing my feelings with you. I simply needed someone, anyone, to share them with. The articles, videos, and commentaries on this website have truly been an escape for me for a long time now. All of you here have brought a smile to my face at times when nothing else could. Thank you for that.

 

[Lilani]

I'm afraid I can't relate to you, but I will be praying for you. I'm glad you've found something to keep you afloat. Take care of yourself

 

[ThoseTwoDudes]

Anti-depressants are definitely your friend! Seriously, though, you look like you are in need of a therapist.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Fellow escapists, I write to you because there's no one else for me to write to. My life is coming to an end. Not in a literal sense, as in death is lurking around the corner - although I wish it was. No, my life is ending with a slow and humiliating downward spiral into meaninglessness. A spiral that started long ago and I'm just now beginning to circle the drain.

I am the walking definition of a loser. I've been rejected by almost everyone I've ever met my entire life. Peers, teachers, employers, co-workers, family. I've never had a real friend, not even once. I'm in my mid-twenties. I'm divorced. My ex-wife left me with a vast amount of debt that I cannot repay. I live with my parents because I can't afford an apartment anymore. I'm on the verge of losing my job. I never finished college because the divorce left me unable to handle the burden. I have no hope of getting another job that's as good as the one I'm about to lose (which isn't very good to begin with). I have no hope for a future.

I want to close my eyes and never wake up. The sad thing is that I'm too much of a coward to make that happen. I feel like I'm slowly beginning to lose my mind. I'm thinking about having myself committed. I think that maybe all of the people who rejected me were right. Maybe they somehow sensed that there's something broken in me. Something that can't be fixed. Maybe the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it.

I don't expect much in return for sharing my feelings with you. I simply needed someone, anyone, to share them with. The articles, videos, and commentaries on this website have truly been an escape for me for a long time now. All of you here have brought a smile to my face at times when nothing else could. Thank you for that.

Self-hatred eh? That would be why I'm sat up at 3:45 in the morning with sore, bloodshot, tear-stained eyes. I'm not going to pretend I understand the magnitude of shit you've been through man but trust me when I say you're not the only one who wishes he was brave enough to take the easy way out.

 

[Squidden]

I'm depressed alot too, but mostly because of stress

I find that playing Minecraft is a great escape.

 

[snowman6251]

Damn there's some low self esteem in here. My advice is to start thinking of yourself as the greatest piece of human life on the planet. May be easier said than done for the truly depressed but confidence goes a long way.

 

[Frotality]

all that and you managed to get married at some point? howd you get her?

apart from that, i am quite honestly in about the exact same situation; no friends, broke, and about to drop out of college because i cant afford it. so, i really do know that its no consolation, but misery loves company, eh?

my advice, join the army like im probably going to. hopefully global conflicts will escalate and we'll have a good chance at least being able to die for something.

 

[Paksenarrion]

I'm depressed alot too, but mostly because of stress

I find that playing Minecraft is a great escape.

I find this to be a good idea, that can have life-changing applications. Let's "Ghost in the Machine" this.

 

[Thedayrecker]

Start a Fight Club

 

[Squidden]

Think about it this way, you were married at one point. This means that at one point you got pussy. It might not have been a lot of pussy, but it was some pussy, and you got it.

Most people spend their entire lives trying to get pussy, and once they get it, they keep trying to get more. Their entire lives are spent in pussy getting. Their job is used to get more money in order to impress women to get pussy. Their education? Used to get the job that they're using to get pussy. Their apartment? A place to go so that they can get pussy privately.

Think about all this for a second. Now think about yourself for a second. You're a self admitted loser, with no friends, no money, and no good qualities, yet somehow, without any of these fine points, you were able to get pussy. You're ahead of the pussy getting curve here! You were able to get pussy without having anything to give. All you have to figure out is how you did it, and do it again, and then you'll be back in the pussy-getting race of life.

See? Things aren't all that bad.

I have never pussy in such amounts ever before.

 

[grimsprice]

I think that maybe all of the people who rejected me were right. Maybe they somehow sensed that there's something broken in me. Something that can't be fixed. Maybe the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it.

BULLSHIT. They broke you by being douchebags. There is NO ONE in this world who would improve it by not being here. Unless of course they're actually... you know, dangerous.

You've still got plenty of time to get a good footing back and enjoy your life. It just takes time. Work hard, don't spend your money, pirate your entertainment. In no time you'll be on top of things.

EDIT: Besides, you're living in fucking alabama. Dude, get on a greyhound and move to Seattle Washington, or at least SOMEWHERE that isn't alabama. This world is full of places packed with people who can respect and appreciate everyone.

 

[TimeLord]

You are looking at youself in too negative a light. What you need to do is get your job back on track or get a new one. Get a loan from your bank to pay off your debt and then use your stable job to pay the bank back the money. Once that is done, go down the pub. Make some friends and once you get to know them. Get a flat. Or alternetivly, just go out and meet a girl and move into a flat with her.

That may take you a couple of years to put into motion. But it might get your life on track!

 

[Something Amyss]

I'm depressed alot too, but mostly because of stress

I find that playing Minecraft is a great escape.

I find this to be a good idea, that can have life-changing applications. Let's "Ghost in the Machine" this.

Are you kidding? Minecraft is just trading one problem for another. He'll never escape...THE CUBES!

To the TC: I'm seriously at a loss for what to say. Inspirational talks hinge on "it'll get better," something I know you have to have trouble believing now. I've been there. I can't say it's ever felt as bad as what you've got, but I understand. hang in there and fight.

 

[fletch_talon]

Get a job, stay single, live life.

-As long as it gives you money to support yourself any job you get is fine.
-Stay single so you aren't forced to spend money on anyone but yourself, learn to be a little bit selfish.
-Do something you love. Buy games, save up for a holiday, go fishing, take up a creative hobby. Eventually live your life around something you love to do, something that can't be taken from you.

Above all remember this. There are people with great jobs, tonnes of friends and loving partners who still feel meaningless. Do not rely on outside factors to give your life meaning, your purpose needn't be love or money, success comes in many forms.
Do what makes you happy.

 

[HT_Black]

First, find God. Do it now. Got it? Good.

There's a book you might want to read. It's called WANTED, and it was done by two guys named Mark Millar and JG Jones. God willing, it'll inspire you as much as it inspired me. Once you've done that, please remind yourself that other people rock by virtue of not being Yorkshire Terriers. Then strike yourself about the chops, think about how stupid an idea suicide is, and go get a job. It doesn't matter what it is, but try to make it something you don't hate. Once you're employed, see if you can't convince your lending company to aim at the girl who ran up all those debts (if you're an religious figure in America, you get a huge portion shaved off of your taxes, by the way). Then, buy a typewriter and pour out your soul. Then sell that *****, get money, grow old, and die happily.

No, I'm serious.

EDIT: Besides, you're living in fucking alabama. Dude, get on a greyhound and move to Seattle Washington, or at least SOMEWHERE that isn't alabama. This world is full of places packed with people who can respect and appreciate everyone.

What, are you serious? It's the best damn state in the union! What the heck are you huffing?

 

[vento 231]

For you my friend:
It fits like a glove from my perspective.