So... I just found out my brother is gay.

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Torrasque

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Aug 6, 2010
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Found out my friend in highschool was gay shortly before the end of highschool.
Wasn't surprised at all tbh, lol.

As for weird "oh... well... ok... ?" moments, I can't think of any I've had.
I usually realize things like that for myself and when I don't, don't ever freak out.
 

Funkysandwich

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Jan 15, 2010
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I found out my brother was gay by finding a large amount of gay porn on our home computer. I stumbled across it whilst editing a movie for a school project whilst three of my friends were in the room.

That was really, really awkward. I don't mind that he's gay, I just wish that I hadn't found out about it like that.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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GrimTuesday said:
For discussion, have you ever had an experience like this, how did you react?
Friend of mine came out to a group of us recently. We teased him about who he fancied just like we would with any of the rest of us. Especially as some of us have had the most insane girlfriends ever, and he's at least free of that. :)

Two transgender friends as well. That's...a lot tougher to take in...but if that's what they want to do, fine.
 

Valksy

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GrimTuesday said:
Today I was talking to one of my younger brothers and the topic of relationships came up, and after him mocking my non-existent love life, we started talking about his. He's always been fairly neutral when it comes to sex, so I've never really given much thought about it but when I asked him if he had a girlfriend, he instead told me that he was, in fact gay. Personally, it doesn't bother me so much that he is gay, more that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret, perhaps some of the homosexual users of the Escapist can give me some insight on that.

For discussion, have you ever had an experience like this, how did you react?
Staying in the closet is usually about safety. If you aren't sure what your friends/family will do (eg, will they throw you out of the house) or you aren't in control of your environment (eg you still have to go to school tomorrow) then there is a degree of self preservation involved. Both on a personal safety level. And on an emotional safety level. I have known gay people who were thrown out of their homes and the amount of pain and the sense of betrayal they felt will be something that puts them in therapy. Most people grow up thinking that their parents/family are on their side and that they are the one thing that you can rely on in this life. When it turns out that isn't true for the sake of something that is quite minor, it is devastating.

Coming out to yourself is usually the first (and hardest) step, then coming out to the people you care about (often terrifying, unless you are given a "we already know" prompt, as family members often do) and then you stop caring what people think of you.

Personally, I have found myself feeling quite pleased to be high in the list of people being told. It probably took your brother a fair amount of courage to tell you and he is probably feeling intensely relieved. I have found that the first couple of times you say it, it feels like a burden is lifted. If he feels he can let his guard down a bit more and be a bit more open with you, that is probably good for him and for your relationship with him.

Being guarded is tiring. You describe him as being neutral on the subject, he probably didn't want to lie to you but wasn't quite ready or confident enough to say anything. I once outed myself by accident when some male friends were perving about the attributes of a very attractive woman we could see and I accidentally blurted out an agreement. I was all 0.0 and they were all "are you gay?" And once it was out in the open, we went back to the perving and nothing changed between us. But I had been conscious for a long time of watching my words around them and it wasn't fun and when it was done and I realised that I was free to be my authentic self, it felt great =)
 

Astoria

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Oct 25, 2010
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A few of my friends are gay. I didn't really react when they told me. None of them were ashamed of it which was something that made me pretty happy.
 

Vault101

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Sep 26, 2010
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Yokai said:
Vault101 said:
Yokai said:
Vault101 said:
CM156 said:
When my cousin "Krista" told me they were becoming "Kris" (I understand that Transgendered =/= gay) , I was a bit shocked, and told them I needed a moment.

We have a decent relationship, and I call him the older brother I never had (Which he really likes)
so she had a sex change?

I wasnt even sure that was physically possible..as female to male (if thats what happened)

your right in being Transgendered and gay isnt the same thing, I found it made alot more sense if I imagined them as (in this case...I think) a man but he has a females body
Personally, I don't quite get transgenderism. I'm not even remotely homophobic and I have many gay friends, so I guess it makes me a horrible supporter of double standards, but I just feel sorry for them. I don't understand how someone could be so unhappy with their very genetic makeup that they feel the need to undergo traumatic surgery to change it. Couldn't they just, you know, act more feminine/masculine/whatever, rather than subject themselves to a flawed process that's more likely to alienate them from others? I certainly don't want to condemn anyone's choice, it just makes me sad when I see or hear about people who thought the change was necessary.

As for the OP: Yeah, I'd not have a bit of problem with it. I might be a little surprised if I had previously had them pegged as straight, but I certainly wouldn't react negatively in any way. Basically, good for them for coming out.
assuming your male how would you feel if you woke up one day, and you had breasts and yeah that other part (no more man sword)

ok mabye the first reaction might be AWSOME! I could explore myself ect...and be a lesbian totally hot!!

but that aside that your now expected to act all feminine, and if not then I supose you could go down the butch lesbian route, but would that really be you? in your head your not a woman your a man

I watched the movie Trasnamerica a while ago, and as I said before, I stoped looking at the main charachter as a man dressed as a woman, but instead a women, who had male genitals, which she said she found "disgusting" and repulsive,

I mean she was a woman not a gay man, or a man who dresses up as a woman, but she could never FULLY be a woman...who she was untill she had her body changed

I mean Id imagine they are happy when they are fully changed, and thats whats important
That's basically what I thought too, for a while. I guess I should explain where my perspective comes from.

Three years ago, a family I knew split up when the mother decided she was lesbian after being happily married to a man for twenty years. Immediately after this, their daughter, who had been quite comfortable with her femininity up to this point, suddenly got the idea that she was a man stuck in a woman's body. She went through the hormone treatment and such, but honestly, she still looks and sounds like a girl, yet gets very defensive when people refer to her as such. Now, before this, I would have supported her choice and done whatever I could to help her acclimate, but the fact that it occurred right after a traumatic divorce and sexual confusion among her parents makes me think her sudden transgenderism was the result of psychological stress as opposed to some deep-seated belief.

Essentially, she's been through the expensive and undoubtedly taxing operations and hormone treatments and such, but is still unmistakably female, and is now less happy than she was because everyone still refers to her as such. What I see is that she made a poorly-thought-out decision as a result of trauma, and now has to live with her choices even though the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. That's why I'm not entirely supportive of transgenderism, because it appears to be a mindset that can be brought on by outside influences and the processes involved can permanently alter a person, but not always in the way they intended. With our current medical knowledge it's impossible to completely switch genders, so why put oneself through an essentially cosmetic process with a variable success rate at the risk of one's entire identity? Maybe this girl was the exception to the rule, but it's something to think about.

Sorry about the rambly wall of text; this has been kicking around in my head for a while.
not that I know much about anything but....

I do kind of see youre point, but I thourght that getting a "sex-change" wasnt an ovenight thing ,I mean you have to go to a doctor and I thourght they had to approve all kinds of things

anway my point is in her case it seem strange that that she went down down the route after a traumatic event, after as you say being comfortable with her femininity (but we dont know for sure how comfortable she was int he first place, she could have hidden it..)

but yeah I think she really should have mabye gotten some help first, so mabye it was negligent on the doctors part to go ahead with the whole processes which should NOT be taken lightley

anyway Yeah I guess there is a risk for people to turn out unhappy

however I think some people...they just know, anyway eather way its not somthing to consider lightly

eather way I dont think I would deny somone the choice, and hopefully it would become better in the future medical wise
 

V TheSystem V

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Sep 11, 2009
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Two of my friends have fairly recently admitted they were gay. One of them I had guessed was gay a while back, so that didn't really come as a surprise. The other one I thought was joking to start with, then realised they were indeed being serious. Coming out to family is really, really hard (one of my friends fainted when he told his dad) but it's because people feel that family will judge you for your sexuality.

Most important thing to note here is: he's your brother. No matter what his sexuality may be, he is still your brother, and his role as your brother doesn't change just because he's gay. As long as he doesn't change and go mental (like one of my ex girlfriends), then I don't see why anyone should judge him.
 

Roganwilson

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May 24, 2009
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Orange Monkey said:
I understand the need to keep it quite, I remember that before I came out to my friends I was absolutely terrified of the reaction, not knowing what they were going to say is like flining yourself off a cliff without knowing how long the drop is. But when they were all fine with it I slapped myself for worrying so much. The worst feeling is thinking they wil hate you for it.

By the way, is your brother a nice guy and/or cute? ;P
This is the brother. I like to think I am.
 

Killclaw Kilrathi

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Dec 28, 2010
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Gay people keep it a secret because they're afraid of how people will react, even when it comes to relatives. Plenty of gay kids have been thrown out of home for it.
 

Kenbo Slice

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My moms a lesbian and has a partner. Having two moms is pretty awesome around your birthday and Christmas. I love them :D
 

Bon_Clay

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GrimTuesday said:
Biosophilogical said:
Well, did he actively keep it secret, or did he just feel that his personal life is none of your business? I mean, did he ever say he was straight?
Its not so much that he kept it secret, he just never really said anything when I asked him if he had a girlfriend in the past. My family is pretty open with each other about things like this so there isn't really any feelings that the rest of the family should stay out of ones personal life. Sexuality is not a big deal to us, although my dad and his side of the family might have a problem with it.
Well it still might not be about how your family is. Some people just don't like bringing up or discussing that sort of thing. Sorta "well you didn't ask" situation, where they just continue their life without mentioning anything that personal unless you specifically bring it up and they feel like sharing that much.

Though I don't really know him, so he could have actually been nervous about it this whole time and holding it back.
 

Strixvaliano

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Feb 8, 2011
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I don't really know many gays, or at least people that are open about it. I really wouldn't care either, their sexual preference does not affect me and if that is what makes them happy then why the hell not.

However, I do get real agitated by the gays that constantly try and shove it in your face all the time, not for the fact they are gay but generally because they are usually really loud, obnoxious and absolutely annoying about it.

My grandmother is friends with a gay waiter at IHOP so we usually get him to wait on our table and honestly he is a real nice guy and a hard worker, I'm not going to condone him for his personal life and I'm not going to treat him any differently then anybody else I know.

However, there was this gay guy at my ex-workplace and he constantly had to go around yelling how gay he was every single day then going around and making sure everybody individually had to know it as well... every... single... day... Nobody liked him at all because he was nothing but an annoying person seeking attention when nobody cared what his sexuality was and it could be possible he was trolling to try and find someone who would have a problem and get them fired.
 

Orange Monkey

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Roganwilson said:
Orange Monkey said:
I understand the need to keep it quite, I remember that before I came out to my friends I was absolutely terrified of the reaction, not knowing what they were going to say is like flining yourself off a cliff without knowing how long the drop is. But when they were all fine with it I slapped myself for worrying so much. The worst feeling is thinking they wil hate you for it.

By the way, is your brother a nice guy and/or cute? ;P
This is the brother. I like to think I am.
Then congratulations you're already better than 65% of most gay men, who are complete jerks :D

Some advice for you if you're new to things, always be safe, don't let the other guy pressure you into things you don't want to do, don't rush into a relationship if you're not ready and develop a mean right hook for emergencies. :)
 

hamasins

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Jul 12, 2010
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My sister told me she was a lesbian it went something like this

"so yeah I'm... I'm a lesbian"
I sit there dumbfounded for a few seconds and she looks really scared so i say "Awesome"
"You don't hate me for it?"
"Hell no lesbians are awesome xD"
 

similar.squirrel

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Mar 28, 2009
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My so-called 'Gaydar' is non-functioning, so every instance of somebody coming out has been reasonably surprising to me. Otherwise, I have no strong feelings on the issue. Not even sure I'm entirely straight, but it's not something I spend a great deal of time thinking about.
 

Tonimata

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Jul 21, 2008
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I was in a similar situation the other day. I'm bisexual, and my mum decided to, out of the blue, and during a family dinner, to yell out that I had "come out of the wardrobe" and that my boyfriend was coming to dinner next Sunday right after winking at me.

And I played along... How terrible is that, actually...
 

Aphex Demon

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Aug 23, 2010
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I've got a mate who's gay, or Bi at the least. He won't admit it though.




I shall do as you ask, lord inglip.
 

steeple

Death by tray it shall be
Dec 2, 2008
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this [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Northwood]...
funniest bit? its fucking true!


woops dont mind me, just posting in the wrong thread...
OT: I dont personally know any gay people, so the answer is no I never had the experience...